Game of Fate to Play
by FireSpringRoses
Summary: Sorrow and Bliss, Frustration and Rejoice, Anger and Peacefulness, Aversion and Affection, Revenge and Forgiveness, Endeavor and Reward... Tears with Laughter... The most dangerous, but fascinating, game is about to begin. Game of Fate. Who dares to play?
1. Looking for the land

CHAPTER 1: Looking for the land

Since the moment I woke up, I found myself completely unable to pay attention to the minor details of everyday life. But I had to, for my companions' sake if nothing else. There were still things to be done and we had no time to be properly prepared. 'As always' I laughed to myself. The two old men, who were standing next to me at the deck of the ship, turned their heads to my direction. Thankfully, only for a few seconds. Once they made sure that I held no interest for them, they never looked again.

I looked over the sea and the cool breeze reminded me of something that, a long time ago, I had given up every hope of experiencing ever again. The feeling of hope! But my fears had been false! There I was with hope in me that things could be in my favor! I rubbed my hands against each other to warm them up. The night would soon fall and the temperature was falling. I leaned to the gunnel, watching the last light of the sun fading in the horizon. It seemed ages ago when I had the opportunity to enjoy a sunset. The recent months of my life hadn't been what one could describe as peaceful. The luxury of sitting and watching a sunset was exactly that! A luxury! But in my memories I had a few priceless sunsets to take comfort from. One sunset in particular was more priceless than the rest...

"_Beautiful!" I murmured with astonishment! "I think 'beautiful' is an understatement! This is the most magnificent view any pair of eyes has ever seen since the dawn of the world" was the answer I received, as well as a soft caress on the back of my hand, once the distance between us was closed. I really appreciated the closeness but I was afraid that my heartbeats would be too loud and they would give the wrong impression. Or maybe they would give just the right impression and that was even more terrifying and even less desirable!_

"_Dazzling or breathtaking, then? Oh! Do not play with words! The beauty of the sunset cannot be devalued by any 'unsuitable' word. It's what we feel that truly counts and that cannot always be put in words! Beauty is to be admired by the heart! Words cannot always sincerely apprize! That is something I thought you should already know!" "On, I do know that! I have learned it the hard way, trust me! But who said a word about the sunset, anyway? I was only referring to you!" "Me?". I felt my blood coloring my cheeks, making them a 'fine' match to my crimson shirt! Definitely, anything close to red was an unwise choice for clothes when he was around! Gently, he turned me to face him. The heartbeats had surely given everything away and if they hadn't we would soon reach the absolute revelation!_

"_What's for the surprised look? Hasn't anyone informed you that your fairness is outstanding and __**unfair**__ for the rest of the world? The nature itself is jealous of your beauty. How could I possibly think of anything else when you are present?". By the end of that line I had made a complete fool of myself, looking red from head to toe and standing speechless with a wide grin on my face..._

"Marian", Djaq's voice came from behind me, "Come inside. The supper is ready". She didn't sound angry like the other times she came to collect me from my mind-traveling but as I knew from experience, that could easily change in no time. I followed her halfheartedly, not that I didn't want to be with her but I wanted some more time, a few more minutes, to stay there and watch the sea! It was the only thing that helped me becalm! That was very weird because my previous life had nothing to do with the sea. Only the view of the waves could make me forget any worries of mine and the way the waves were plashing, was like a familiar song reminding me of happier days. A mystery indeed. One of the many mysteries my life was bound to.

Djaq led the way back to the tiny cabin and as we walked in the narrow, dark corridor I was thinking about her and the first time I knew she was a woman. It was a true shock for me. She had abandoned her identity to honor her family. She was like no other woman I knew. I've always liked and admired her for the way she dealt with all the problems that fate brought on her path, from the day she was captured until her adventures back in England. During our stay in the dry sand of the Holy Land a stronger bond was formed between us, though. We both were women living in a world made to suit only to men and we both were determined to act against that status. She was the person to whom I owed my heartbeats to, for she brought me back to life twice. God knew how many times I would have her do it again in the future. 'If only she could hear me now!' I thought and laughed quietly. Djaq was my personal savior and I hoped, one day, I'd be able to show her my everlasting gratitude.

When I entered the cabin, two heads turned to greet me with smiles. "Found your way back? Honestly, I do not understand why you spend your day staring at the waves! Do you think they'll whisper well hidden secrets to you? What do you think you'll find in the deep, black, cold water?" Carter teased me. Again. Apparently, this was his newly found entertainment! "How poetic Carter, really! I didn't know you had it in you! A romantic soul you are, aren't you?" I teased him back. I wasn't going to fall without a fight. I was the Nightwatchman after all. Fighting was in my system. He made a face and went on eating. We wouldn't hold grudges, no matter what we had said. He was my family now, along with Djaq and Will, and nothing could get between us. Neither his silly comments, nor my so-called angry responses.

He, however, had a point. I was spending too much time scanning the ocean. The waves were my sanctuary from the madness of the events during the last year. Moreover, the sea was indeed revealing something to me. Gradually but it was happening before my eyes! I may not waited for secrets to be unveiled to me, but there was something I was looking for. And it wasn't in the deep water. It was well hidden in the horizon. The land of my country. The forest where my true love lived. He had my heart with him and I had to find him and take it back, only to endow it again more willingly and with more love than the last time.

But danger, as always, was there to threaten me. Even in a simple, everyday thing like that. The cold air, brushing my not well-covered body, almost got me ill five days ago. Thank God, Djaq had noticed in time and took precautions. I was fine for the time, but they wouldn't drop the issue. Not without a fight, at least. Well, fighting was in their system too. They were Robin Hood! We all were Robin Hood.

In the cabin there were not proper sitting furniture. Only one small stool and a few old worn blankets, thrown on the floor. Their use as makeshift beds was questionable. Neither comfortable, nor warm. They just were something between our tired bodies and the hard floor of the cabin. Will, who was working with his axe and a piece of wood, gave me his coat. As much as I wanted to deny the offer, he left me no chance to since he had already taken it off. "You must be cold. This should keep you warm". I raised my voice in protest "What about you? You have nothing else!" "I am going to be fine. The one prone to get sick, around here, is you!" he winked at me. "You shouldn't treat me like I am someone so special that you have to arrange everything to suit me" "Oh! But we should!" Carter replied with a vivid smile on his face, "Since you do nothing yourself, to take care our beloved friend" he went on and pointed at me.

"Speaking of which, you really should have some sleep Marian. People, even those who escape death twice, need sleep once in a while" Will followed Carter's lead but always keeping a straight face. "Once in a while, I do sleep" I played along but I saw my companions' concern for my well-being and said no more. Djaq handed me my share of food, not that there was much to share anyway, and sat next to Will.

"They are right you know! You might think we treat you like someone special or like a child or God knows what else, every now and then, you compare yourself to but really you leave us with no other choice but to do so". She wasn't kidding. Her voice was full of worry like a mother who just can't make her child see the wrong of its doings. "I know. And I'm glad you are brave enough to endure with patience my mindless behavior all this time! Thank you, is too little to say my friends!". I looked at every one of them meaningfully. Djaq was wearing a wide smile and I knew I was forgiven. Will's face mirrored his true love's expression. Carter shook his head. "Now who's being a romantic soul? Eat your food my Lady. It is not good once it's cold" he tried to sound casual but I knew better. We all did. We all pretended we didn't.

I ate in silence because Carter needed to sleep and the other two were already lying on their mattress, side by side, holding hands and murmuring to each other. They would probably discussing the further arrangements that were necessary, but that was enough for them to be happy.

That couple didn't need endless conversations to declare their love, because it couldn't be stated more clearly. They belonged together like earth and water. The way those two lived their moments was truly amazing. There could be a huge crowd around them but when they wanted to be alone, just the two of them, no one else mattered. I'd been watching them for months. The intimacy between them was one of a long-married couple and yet when their eyes met, you could almost sense in the atmosphere the spark of romance between two young people. Their love seemed to me easy as breathing.

'They are not like me and Robin, always arguing and being stubborn. We surely had our moments but the easiness of those two, I envy' I let myself speak his name mentally and even that tiny thing made me fly back in the green scenery of Sherwood.

_Once again I was in his arms kissing him with one last breath moving through me. We were at our meadow, hiding our 'inappropriate' behavior from my father and the rest of the world. His fingers leaving trails on my back as I rested myself on top of him. My hands 'reading' the lines of his face as I touched him with closed eyes. And then I was on my back with his head on my chest. I was running my fingers through his chestnut hair. Both of us were trying to capture each other's scent. Mine rose and lilac. His lavender and jasmine. Our lips locked in long lasting kisses that could make my heart jump from my chest and I should still be alive, insanely in love and forever an all-too-willing prisoner in his arms!_

"_If only someone could see us! What a scandal that would be. The Sheriff's daughter and the Lord of Locksley. Not even engaged! You will destroy my reputation as an honorable woman, surely!" I managed to say in natural manner while trying to control my, worryingly, accelerating heart-beating. My heart never worked properly when I was with him. Always racing to be synchronized with the vivid thoughts in my mind. Thoughts which included all those feelings that his actions were awakening in me and everything that I wanted him to do. Sometimes I thought that my heart would stop beating in protest for my mishandling towards it!_

"_Then perhaps we should be engaged so I can go on with my kissing you" he responded in a joyful tone and approached once again to hold my face and carry on with the kiss. "Is this your idea of proposing? Anyway, I'm afraid I cannot accept you my Lord" I said in a pity attempt to banter with him and turned my back so that my smile couldn't give me away. Then I made a quick run for the trees. I heard him following but there was no way to know what he was thinking. A glimpse, to check his face expression, was too risky. As soon as we sat under the tree, I put my head on his lap and his hands were on my back moving up and down, from my neck to the end my spine, bringing chills to my skin._

"_So, you are, **clearly,** saying no to me. May I ask whom would you say yes to?" he demanded, trying to sound somewhat indifferent but I could tell he was rather nervous. "My good manners do not allow me to reveal such information, my Lord" I rolled my eyes as I slowly raised my head. He got up and moved to stand against the tree. I took the time to watch him as she did. The sun rays found their way through the dense foliage and flooded him with light. Once again he proved his reputation as a 'dangerously' charming man, true. All feminine sighs coming from young girls, still unmarried, in the entire shire were meant for him and him alone._

_A pair of childish, piercing, blue eyes laughing at the world! His handsome face was one thing to admire about him but not the only one. He looked so statuesque under the summer sun. As if made of gold, his hair under the sun rays made him look like what ancient God Apollo must had. My gaze fell on his strong arms that caress so gently, almost like a feather's touch, that it was impossible not to forget one's own name. I was so..._

"_Fair enough! It doesn't matter anyway" he stated coldly and brought me back to the reality. Then, he turned his sleeves up to his elbows and ran his left hand through his hair. He got me completely confused. "Doesn't it?" I asked. "No" was all he bothered to say and headed for the small stream nearby. Was that for real? 'What does it mean? He doesn't care if I marry another? Am I of that little importance to him?' the idea of that being true had me dizzied. My blood was running hot through my veins and up to my cheeks. Had I read his expression in the wrong way, earlier?_

_I tried to calm down before I would confront him. "And may I ask what exactly does that mean?" I asked as calmly as I could and there was little I could. As I spoke, I approached the stream and stood by his side. I couldn't see his face because it was in the water. Seconds later he straightened his body, lifted his head gracefully and threw an 'empty' glance at me. "What do you think it means?" he shrugged._

_Not even one more word was necessary anymore. He didn't care for me the way I thought he did. The way I wanted him to. The whole-hearted way I did. Those thoughts were coming to me as I ran away at full speed. I had no idea which direction I was moving at but my desperation to be as far away from him as possible was so strong, that it didn't matter._

_I was careless with my steps and more to my irritation the damned dress was far too long to enable me with the quick escape I needed! All of that had as a result a twisted ankle that hurt too much because I kept running, feeling the pain growing with each step. Tears came to my eyes and I didn't bother to hold them. Why should I? I wanted to cry. At least this way I could be free, sooner or later, from the intense pain that this arrogant, stupid, annoying, stubborn man had inflicted to my heart with so little effort!_

_All this time was he just… playing with my feelings? He hadn't actually expressed his sentiments in words, saying 'I want to spend every second of my life with you in it' or anything less passionate and more formal, as a true gentleman would have -he scarcely acted like a gentleman as far as our court was concerned, so that did not count as a clue- but... There was a huge BUT hanging above my head..._

_But the way he used to hold me... I could hear his heartbeat quickening when I was close... His blue eyes 'burning' with desire to hold me even tighter… His lips caressing mine hungrily… His hands petting my curves... Could this be a lie? No. His body wasn't lying, I would have known! I might not had been so experienced upon these matters but I could definitely understand if ...or not? Could I be that much deceived? Obviously I could! I was nothing but a pastime for him. 'You idiot! You foolish girl!You let yourself be a toy in his capable hands! Now taste the true flavor of his **feelings**…uhg' I was mad with my own stupidity._

_My hands, with quick and rather sudden movements, wiped away the tears from my eyes. The more I wiped the more I cried, though, and I could no longer see clearly. I had to stop running or I would stumble on a rock and cause to my, already suffering, ankle greater trouble. I wasn't as far as had I planned so to be safe from his indifference, his cold response, his untouched heart, but I stopped anyway. I removed the hair from my face and used the edge of my garment to dry my face, more thoroughly this time. Dirt was all over my light-green dress. I looked like a mess but that was nothing in comparison with my broken heart. My thoughts had to be set in order so I sat down, closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. It was only then that I heard him coming after me, calling my name._

"_No_"_ I said to myself, _"_I will not give him the satisfaction to watch me shedding any tears for him_"_. I tried to get up and go on with my running-away plan but the pain from the twisted ankle didn't get me very far. His hands were already around my waist. 'Damn it', he was very annoyingly fast and even more annoyingly strong!_

"_YOU, let me go. Now! Get your hands off me, Locksley!" I yelled for my freedom while pushing him away with both hands. But he secured his hold and got me on my feet. He was so much more stronger than me and I had no chance of escape. Hoping he would eventually loosen his grip, I stopped fighting back. I tried to avoid eye contact but he lifted my face with one hand on my chin. "Where are you're going in such a hurry, Lady Marian? And look at this! You have destroyed this beautiful dress of yours. Shame! It was very flattering to your eyes". His own eyes were so confident because of the impact he knew they had on me, which made me mad and that cheeky grin of his was helpful in no way._

_I couldn't but feel nice being in his arms again, though. That enervated me even more. Why couldn't I just resist? All the reasons were animated in front of me. Luring me. The warmth of his body sending sparks to my senses. His handsome face inches away from mine, stimulating me to touch it. His lips calling mine for a kiss. I hated it because it didn't help me be as aggressive as I wanted. As aggressive as HE deserved! "I didn't want to spend any more of your precious time, my Lord" I replied. At least I had regained some of my sense of sarcasm. I would hurt him. If he could get hurt, that was._

_My eyes were still red from crying and he could see that. I knew he knew. I wanted him to know. The confidence in his eyes was replaced with worry. He felt guilty. 'Nice' I thought. "Were you… crying?" he asked, real care in his voice as he mumbled the last word. He was hurt and so was I. I ended up hurting myself alongside with him. So much of a plan! I bit my lip and kept my sarcastic tone "Hardly! No reason to". I felt his arm, the one on my waist, falling to his side and into a fist. His hand, the one on my chin, was now stroking my cheek. There was no longer any reason to stand so close to him but it was impossible to move. 'Draw Away!' my mind urged my body. My body ignored the order. 'Good'._

"_Marian" he began, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I am nothing but a fool. Please, don't be mad at me" his tone was apologetic. "If you didn't mean to upset me, as you declare, why did you act as if you don't care if I marry another man?" I let a bit of my frustration color my words. "I did not do such thing" he defended himself in disbelief of what he had heard. "Yes you did" I insisted. "Hardly" he imitated my former reaction and almost made me laugh. Almost. "I simply said it doesn't matter whom you would say yes to" he added. "How is that any different from what I said?" I demanded now, with a fierce look. He closed his eyes and sighed. Then he opened them and gazed at me. "It doesn't matter because YOU are marrying no other man but ME"._

_It was like I was hit by an arrow! The man he was! He could make me suffer and he could make me happy with the same ease. He could drive me insane, surely. He would be the death of me! The next thing I felt, was his breath across my neck and the soft touch of his lips on the corner of my mouth. He looked me in the eyes with a mix of adoration and anticipation, and I found the one thing I could say. "Now, that is a proposal I can find myself easily accepting". We gazed each at other and in no time our lips were busy again but not with words…_

We were young back then. Old enough to consider marriage -we both had reached the appropriate age for a match- but too young and too involved in other, much more interesting, activities to care about it in the formal way. Others, like my father, were more suitable to play that role. And he did! He didn't even allow Robin to finish his sentence when he came not so much to ask for permission but to announce our plans. The benefits from that match were wandering in my father's mind for some time and he had discretely mentioned how fond he was of the young Lord of Locksley and how sure he was of the great man that Robin would become.

But all we wanted, was to be together as much as possible and if marriage was the way to achieve it, then marriage was what we had to get through. Formality mattered only a little, when such flame was burning us both. The flame of true and once in a life time love. The same flame that was in my heart every day, burning me like the first day.

After so much time, after everything that had occurred, I still wore the same smile when his face was in my mind... his laughter in my ears... We've been through a lot. Being apart because of the war, because of my being too proud and stubborn to confess I never stopped loving him, his days as an outlaw, my engagement to…

'Stop there!'. How did he get into this? Those were memories of me and Robin. That man had no place there! He had no place anywhere around us! He should...

_He... He was holding his sword, ready to kill the King. Ready to kill. Again. How could I possibly believe that there was any goodness in him? He was a merciless murderer. Cold-blooded. Evil through and through… But he wouldn't kill Vaisey, that hideous man, the repulsive tyrant, the worst false of nature! Even though I had asked him to do it and promised him myself in a marriage. He claimed that he loved me and he wasn't a man enough to do what I begged him to. _

_No! He would kill the King, much as I was standing in front of him blocking his way. He would kill the King and then he would force me to be his bride. Wasn't that what he said? To prove he was powerful, invincible and that no one was to resist him. Well NO. A million times NO! "I would rather die than be with you, Guy of Gizborne. I'm going to marry Robin Hood. I love Robin Hood! I love Robin Hood"._

_ This was the truth. Robin was a man, Guy could only dream of being. And I was his. His love. His wife. His Marian. Forever had been! Forever would be! Uhhhhhhhh... My thoughts stopped. Everything stopped. His gaze locked in mine. His eyes cried silently his pain! Uhhh... Oh Guy! Why? Then, he was gone like he never had been there. Like nothing existed besides me and the pain... I closed my eyes to surrender but..._

"_MARIAN...!" Robin's voice came from far! 'Come my love! Let me see you again handsome! My one and true lord! Run, my husband! I need you, Robin!'. If only I could speak that out loud, but too much pain. Uhhh._

_Now he was close enough to hear me. His hand on mine! Better. "The King? Where's the King?" I cried in pain. "He's all right. Marian, he's all right. You saved him" he reassured me. Oh my God it hurt so badly! "How's it looking down there?". His face was blank. Bad news. "Am I beyond even Djaq's amazing talent?". Please God, let it no be the case. "Hang on. We'll think of something" his voice broke. He wanted me to hope, but he wasn't following the plan. "Well, can you at least get this out of me. It hurts...". If only I could be free from this… "Marian. Marian, we can't take it out just yet" Uhhh, why? "Why? Why? Will I die when it comes out?". The end was coming. He barely nodded. The end was here! Then…_

"_Then we haven't got much time, my darling" Uhhh "We have forever, my love" he promised what was left to promise... "I hope we have forever in heaven because we didn't have enough time on earth. Not nearly enough time" "We were busy". Yes! If we knew better than that… "We were fighters and I am proud. You keep fighting for me, Robin". I had to know he wouldn't give up. "I can't fight without you". He wasn't going to be easy on this. "I'd love to argue with you, but we haven't got the time. You promise me, you keep fighting". I played my last card; I was dying and this was my last wish. "I will". It worked._

_Time for my final act on this earth. "Now, where were we?" "What?" "The last time we were dying, we were getting married. Can we carry on, please?" "I can't remember". Of course he couldn't... "That's the last time I marry you, if you can't remember!" I tried to laugh but death was so close, already taking me away. We spoke our vows again! Yes, I would love him in heaven! "Till death do us part". It would soon, so… "Kiss me. No. Give me the ring first. Make an honest woman of me, Robin". Always in rush he was… "You may kiss the bride". A last kiss. "I love you, my husband". Forever... "I love you, my wife". I knew… "That's better" His hands on my face. Uhhh... A last warm, loving touch. Relief and blackness._

Carter's snoring brought me back to the ship that was taking me home. He was uncovered and I put the blanket on him or he would freeze. He cared for my health, but his own, didn't concern him much. 'Men! Always be the brave, hm?' I smiled. I got back to my spot. I tried to have some sleep as it would take three or four hours for the sun to rise in a new day. A day closer to HIM.

Where was I? Blackness…

_Black. The darkest black all around me. And very wet too. The pain from down there was far more than noticeable but it wasn't the most discouraging thing about my situation. The fact that I couldn't breathe was all I could care about. Air, I needed air. 'Where am I? Why can't I breathe?' I wondered in agony. Before I could think of anything else I felt the weight that was upon me, being removed. I hadn't noticed that this weight was the reason I couldn't breathe. Not that I was able to do so now, but hope rose in me that I would soon be._

_Suddenly I was. I felt the hot air brushing my face as two pairs of hands lifted me and I instantly started coughing so hard that I felt my inside shaking. That was the only thing I could manage as a movement, too __numb to attemp__t anything else. Not even to open my eyes. I was only glad I was inhaling. And then exhaling. And the same all over again, while coughing._

_Only seconds later, the two pairs of hands were on me again. I didn't care. When my breathing became relatively normal, the pain from my belly began to get the best of me. I wanted to cry for help but no voice came from within me. The hands were now supporting my weight and lifting me. Blackness once again..._

Will's voice woke me up. "Get up, everyone!" he shouted as he entered the cabin. "Come on people! Don't you want to see homeland?". Djaq was the first one to follow. Carter's half opened eyes looked mine in wonder. "Is it possible for him to be wrong?" he asked. I got up to help him rise. "Not the slightest chance" I answered completely sure of my words.

When Carter and I made it to the deck, we found Will and Djaq embracing each other with tears in their happy eyes. I searched for the view I was longing for, for days, weeks, months or was it years? Couldn't tell. Time used to pass in a different pace since I left this island. But now I was back. Far away still, but close enough. I sighed in relief.

The smell of the English sea came to my nose and I laughed. So did Carter. Djaq and Will were now next to us, laughing too. No one of us spoke. The silence was perfect and the serenity of the dawn added to our bliss! We were home!


	2. I'm so sorry

Let's speed things a bit, shall we? Two chapters and a promise!

CHAPTER 2: 'I'm So Sorry'

The horses that Will managed to supply us with in Portsmouth, were quick but just not quick enough to get Marian at Sherwood in the blink of an eye. "Marian, I don't think that there is anything in our world fast enough to satisfy your need for speed" I guessed her thoughts. "Yes, but as far as our pace is concerned, there is something we can do. Right?" she replied. "Only too little I'm afraid" Will's voice killed her hopes. "Carter can't keep up in high speed. If he had been more careful with his parties on our way home, he wouldn't be suffering from a few broken ribs now". Six pairs of eyes turned to Carter who was left a few paces behind, riding his black horse.

"Is this your way to say 'thank you' for saving your life, Willy?" "Again Carter, if you hadn't forced those gamins to our company there would be no reason to save my life in the first place!". Those men, who had asked Carter to help them, proved to be frauds. In their attempt to steal all of our money, they attacked at Will and Carter but had no success. "Anyway I hope, Marian, is not willing to sacrifice me in order to get there a few hours earlier" Carter laughed and then added with a pretended worry "Are you, my Lady?". He was well enough to travel on horse but we'd better not push him to his limits.

That man! He couldn't stay out of trouble not even for one day! Will and I had found him, still suffering from his wound, fighting with two Saracen traders in an alley a few blocks away from the most crowded place of the city. We hadn't had the chance to see him at the King's camp before we left because he was unconscious due to his injury, caused by Vaisey. We couldn't believe in our eyes! Just the person we were looking for! He was the only one whom we could trust to help us... But first things first. For all he knew, Marian was dead and Robin was gone with the gang. "Well, we certainly didn't do a very good job that day, telling the living from the dead!" Will told him. He looked at us suspiciously and when he heard that Marian was alive, I could swear I saw a tear, ready to run down on his face, which he promptly wiped with the back of his hand.

"Of course not! I'm not that monstrous! Besides we do need you on your best shape, for there are difficulties ahead, remember?" she smiled at him and then at me. She had every reason to smile and it was nice to see her smiling again.

A few stops, to rest and eat, were necessary but spending our time idly was out of question. We finally made to Nottingham shire. The familiar forest was lying ahead of us and the tree leaves were rippling above our heads, greeting us in acknowledge of the sound of our voices. We were under the shelter of Sherwood. Minutes away from the camp and our friends, whom we had missed so much. Seconds away from everything that was holding Marian in life all this time.

But she needed help from others too. A physician's help. And holding her in life wasn't an easy task. Neither for her, wounded almost to death, fighting for her life. Nor for us doing everything we could or couldn't do to help the tired friend of ours, each time she was on the edge of the end, to fight for a little longer.

_The day after the funeral, Robin with Much, Allan and John were ready to go. There was a ship leaving in few hours from the port of Acre. We said our goodbyes but I couldn't even look at him. He looked like he needed aid even to stand on his feet. Those two days he was like a ghost. The muscles on his face were tightening at any of our attempts to get closer, warning us to stay away. His voice was barely audible the few times he whispered her name. His hands were toying with her ring as if it was impossible to let go of it. Like if he did so, he would have to accept the fact that she was dead and he had to leave without his wedded wife on his side. This was the worst nightmare he ever had and no one of us would even consider to bring him to face it._

_I could feel him as if I was right in his soul, suffering with his suffering. Crying with his tears. All the time I had spent with him, I'd learned how to 'read' him and now he didn't have the courage to hide anything from us as he used to do in the past. Everything he felt, thought or feared was written on his curled-up-in-the-corner body, his folded-in-defense arms, his scared eyes but no one wanted to read it, yet no one could not to._

_Watching him, could break one's heart. I knew mine was broken. I had to pretend for his sake, though. If he would see his pain mirrored in me, he wouldn't be able to take another step. Robin would be lost forever. He would fall and never rise again. Will and I had to give him the hope in life he desperately needed, in order to move on. She wanted him to move on, to live. She had said so. If she was there to see the crushed man he was, she would die all over again. I owed her to help him. I owed her that much, surely._

_But to give him hope, I had to find hope for myself and I was empty of that feeling at the moment. All I wanted was to cry until I would faint and surrender in unconsciousness but I managed to control myself. When they should be far away, I would collapse but not until then. I bit my lip and made an effort to smile as I waved them goodbye, holding the symbol of our gang. Our family. A smile so bitter that burned my lips like fire. A fake smile for my leader, for my friend._

_This brave, thoughtful, honorable man had to suffer. This was wrong. No! Wrong was a far too small word. This was a crime and those who had committed it, shouldn't run away just like that. But what was the point? Justice? I didn't believe such a thing existed anymore. The world would never have her again, no matter what we did and there was nothing righteous about that._

_I spent the rest of the day and the day after that, locked in my room. Lying on the floor, crying without stop. Bassam knocked on my door to bring me food. I didn't answer. Will tried to talk to me. I remained in silence. I had to stay away from their caring eyes. They would see what I saw of me and I couldn't let this happen._

_ 'What a stupid woman I am' I yelled angrily to myself. Her face was in front of me every time I closed my eyes, pleading. 'Am I beyond even Djaq's amazing talent?' her words were piercing my mind. She had faith in me and I had failed her. "I'm so sorry" I murmured to the empty room hoping that her heaven was close enough to listen… but she was far, far away. Of course she didn't listen. She would never forgive me._

_For two days, many scenarios crossed my mind as I played that scene again and again in my head but I couldn't understand why. She wasn't the first injured person who died in my hands. Friends and beloved ones had died before. With my brother's loss, it felt like I had been lost too. For days, I was barely able to understand what was happening around me. But this time I couldn't becalm not even for one second! My mind was constantly alert, studying any detail, as trivial as it might seem, of that horrible day!_

_Was there anything I had missed? What if there was something in my power to do and I had been too stupid not to give it a try? What if she had a chance to live and my insufficient knowledge condemned her to death? I was, literally, driving myself crazy._

_The next morning I tried to get on with things, make my life normal again. As normal as it could get, given the circumstances. At least Will was there for me to help me find some meaning in this life. But even Will wasn't a distraction from the pain. Mainly because this was his pain too._

"_I think we should go to her grave tomorrow. Leave some flowers. She loved roses, I remember. The yellow roses were her favorite" Will broke the awkward silence that surrounded us that evening. Bassam looked at him and nodded. "I will tell the servants to make the preparations" he left the room. It seemed like they had planed that. "Back in the time before he left for the Crusades" Will went on, "Robin used to give her a yellow rose every time they would meet, since their betrothal. He used to send me or Luke, but mostly me, to get the most beautiful rose in Locksley or even in the villages nearby. I spent hours and hours in the gardens or the fields, to pick the right one... It had to be flawless and fresh. Not too young or too mature. "Just perfect! Like her" Robin used to say mesmerized._

_One day, I still don't know how, Marian found out that I was gathering the flowers and she came to find me. I didn't know how to react or what to say, for that was meant to be a secret. Robin was supposed to get the flowers for her. I was looking at him to search for an answer but he was busy trying to form his own defense. I was afraid she might be angry with me and if she were, then Robin would also be displeased. I remember it as if it were yesterday. Marian slowly walked towards me, to the counter where I was working. She was holding the rose Robin had given her the previous day and she had the friendly, warm smile on her face. I was confused but glad that she wasn't in ill mood._

"_Will Scarlet, you are the best, in the whole county, to pick the most beautiful roses! I only wonder what you'll do for **your** special one, if you're getting in so much trouble just for me!" she said, still smiling and then ran to Robin who no longer was nervous and kissed him on his cheek. "But I think I'll have your master pick my roses from now on See if he's as good as you, to make a girl happy with a simple flower!". They both laughed and so did I, relieved._

_The next day Robin asked for my advice on how to get the right flower "You heard the Lady. I **must** live up to her expectations. My mission is to make her happy" he winked at me. That was last time I picked Marian's rose. It wasn't tiring but I was glad that it was over. Satisfying nobles, even if they were as kind and sweet as she was, wasn't easy and I didn't want to push my good luck and find myself not pleasing her one day. I wasn't without a job to do, after all. If you'd ask me now, I'd pick a rose for her every day for the rest of her life, was she still with us! Anyway, I think I can get my hands on some roses for her... you know. Yellow roses grow here, right? Djaq, did you listen to a word of what I've said?" his low voice asked me. _

"_I am not going there" was all I could say without bursting into tears. His story made me want to cry oceans of tears. It was a very beautiful one but why did he have to remember it now? It felt like the everything in the world was working its way to make me more miserable than I already was. "It will be good for you" he tried to convince me. He embraced me and rocked me within his arms gently from side to side, to make the demons go away. He treated me as if I were a child having a nightmare and that was not fer from truth. My grievous behavior made him feel so helpless. He had to watch me acting like a ghost and I hated me for that._

"_I doubt" I whispered and kept my eyes on the floor. "Djaq, this is…" he started but I stopped him. "I told you Will, I'm not going there. If I do so, I shall live that day again and I can't bear this. I already suffer enough from dreaming of it during the night, I will not force myself into day-suffering too" I lied. I suffered all the time because it felt like she had haunted me but he didn't have to know that too... My uncontrollable screaming in the middle of the night would be enough burden for him._

"_We cannot change what happened that day. No one of us wanted this. We all are in pain, my love, but we must leave this tragedy behind and move on". Move on, he said? "I failed saving Marian! She was dying and I was just standing there, not doing a single thing to prevent that from happening. I…". Will kissed the top of my head. Holding my face in both hands, he stared at me. Then he added "Djaq, no one accuses you of anything. There was nothing you could do for her". He meant every word and I knew it. He didn't understand but he didn't know it. "Please let it go" I begged him._

_A knock on the door stopped his reply and I went to see who it was. A young woman with tensed eyes was standing next to Zaxa, the old lady from across the street. "Djaq", I was surprised that Zaxa used my brother's name and not the one she knew me with. Bassam must had warned her about it, "This is Heraya. She needs your help. She needs a physician". I couldn't see why this woman needed a physician so I asked. "Not for me. For the pale" Heraya replied with fear and her eyebrows were narrowed. A pale? They were helping an Englishman? Why? The way that young woman spoke had me intimidated but I nodded._

_I told Will that I was needed somewhere and left the room instantly. I heard him muttering something and I knew he was thinking that this was just an excuse for me to avoid the conversation we were in. I said nothing because he wasn't entirely wrong but that woman seemed very anxious, for me to ignore her request. I walked behind them through the yard and Zaxa left us, soon after we were on the street. With Heraya leading the way, we walked to the house on the corner of the street. We moved in silence because she didn't seem to be in talking mood and neither was I._

_From the outside the huge house looked deserted, like no one was living there. It used to belong to an old friend of Bassam, Calik, who had passed away before I was captured. No one had come to claim his fortune and so we assumed that he had no living relatives. Apparently we were wrong, because Heraya and her older brother, Hersan, were Calik's sister's children and they had moved in one month ago. Zaxa had whispered the details to me, right before she left._

_It was very strange that it took them so long to come to their uncle's house. I was curious but I didn't insist on the matter. I got even more feisty when Heraya led me to a half opened door and without any other word, she disappeared from my eyes. For some reason I didn't want to get through that door and her attitude wasn't encouraging. Heraya looked upset from the very first second of our acquaintance. She seemed very uncomfortable with me. Or was it the 'pale' patient in their house that was upsetting her? Probably the second. Why would that stranger have any problem with me?_

_I took a deep breath and pushed the door to fully open. There was no light in that room, as well as in the rest of the house. A man came from behind me, holding a candle and gestured me to walk in. He mumbled his name in a low voice. He was Hersan, Heraya's brother. He seemed less tensed and for a while I was relieved that he and not his sister, was the one to show me the patient. Unfortunately, the sense of the unknown that surrounded me didn't allow the nice feeling to last._

_Taking my steps with care, because I didn't know if there were any furniture around and the dim light from the candle wasn't very helpful, I tried to orient myself in the unkenned surroundings. 'Why those people keep themselves in such a darkness? Well, if they want me to treat this patient they'd better provide me with more light than a small candle' I thought to myself._

_We made it to the table. There was someone lying on it. The one in my need, I guessed. Why did they chose the table to put the patient on? Did anything about them make sense? I leaned over the patient and took the candle from Hersan's hand, who was standing right next to me. I could see the patient's chest and realized that the it was a woman. 'What is an Englishwoman doing here?' I wondered. Her chest was moving up and down with great difficulty but at least she was still alive. My heart kicked in my body. It wasn't so long ago that another woman was lying in front of me and depending on me for her survival... Before I could contemplate on this, Hersan spoke. "She is injured in the belly. It was a sword that caused it" he told me and pointed at the big wound as he removed the cloth from her body. I moved the candle closer to see it myself._

_Her skin was pale indeed and she was injured badly, for sure. But there was something strange about that wound. It wasn't the first time that I sensed something being unusual in this situation but this was by far the most intriguing. I had chills on my back and I felt my blood being cold in my veins. Instinctively, I moved the candle a few inches lower and another scar was there. An old scar. A 'familiar' old scar._

_I shivered and the muscles, all over my body, were tensed. My breath was uneven as I moved slowly the light to the face of the person who was before me. I blinked my eyes twice. "This cannot be" I cried and Hersan took a few steps away looking at me with horror. "I need more light, NOW!" I yelled at him and headed to the door. "Wait. Where are you going?" he asked me but I was already on the street screaming Will's name._

"We must get covered" Will said, "We can't be seen, unless it is safe". All of us knew the importance of his words. It seemed that he was our leader for the time. He wasn't like Robin. No one was like Robin, but it felt natural to follow Will's instructions because they made sense. He didn't spoke them like orders. He simply pointed facts and stated observations. I was so proud of him. Of course I was biased because of my being in love with him. But still, I objectively admired the man he had turned into all this time I'd lived with him.

Sometimes I tried to imagine my life without him. I saw Marian struggling to make a life out of nothing in the desert (a life without her dear Robin) during our time there and it was so sad! My life without Will was completely empty. There was no light, no warmth, no joy. I shivered once again at the thought and repressed it to my subconscious.

We all covered our heads with the hoods of our cloaks. We wouldn't be recognized unless someone would be in close proximity. And we wouldn't allow proximity. We were too close to our target, to risk our mission. It was crucial that our presence in Nottingham to remain a secret. It would be a disaster if anyone found out that Marian was still alive. If the word would reach the wrong people, we would be in lots of trouble... but for the moment I closed my eyes and let the sounds of Sherwood fill my head.

I had missed this forest. When I arrived at my birthplace, it felt strange. I thought it was because of the situation we were trapped in. Plots to be stopped, kidnapped friends, fear of death on every step… I walked on the streets where I had grown up, I saw the people I knew since my childhood. It felt nice to find my past, but just that. Just nice. I paid no attention to the lack of enthusiasm at the beginning. 'You'll get the feeling right soon' I tried to convince myself. But then things just turned into hell...

It never felt like I had come home. Pain or joy, it made no difference. I wasn't the person who had been taken from there, anymore. 'This, today, now'. I was finally home. Sherwood was my home. But I never regret staying behind when Robin had left. If I hadn't, only Allah knew what would have happened to Marian. I had thought of that several times while I was watching her, during her recovery. 'Poor woman! All alone in a foreign land, badly injured, not speaking the language'. I shook my head.

We were almost there and so we were moving in silence. Any sound, as small as it might be, could proclaim our presence, so we decided to slow down. Now the horses were just walking on the north road.

My experienced eyes saw the morning trails. "They must have been here this morning" I whispered to Will's ear, who was riding by my side, and I grinned at him. He touched my arm and showed me something hanging on the tree on our right. It was a piece of rope, well hidden for someone who didn't know. We both smiled as we recognized a part of a trap that our friends had set. It wasn't one of our time here. A new idea. But the style was all Robin Hood. We were truly home! Excitement grew inside me but we had a plan to follow with secrecy involved.

I waved at Marian and Carter, who were left behind, to stop. We had to check before moving on. Getting caught now, even by our friends was a bad idea. It could attract any kind of attention not just Robin and the gang. Actually, we were already lucky enough that we weren't noticed by anyone yet. Although I was 'dying' to see my friends' faces as soon as… Suddenly I heard something moving behind the bushes on my left. I turned to see but Carter's outcry from behind got my attention...

"_...We used to live in Emius city many years ago and we were there to visit the graves of our parents. We watched everything from a distance and when the battle was over we followed you. I didn't know why but something urged me to follow. To this day I couldn't explain it. We saw you buring her and when your group left, we got closer to have a better look. As you were walking away, I stared at you all. There was something different about you, I thought. Something good. I've noticed that there was one of our own in the group and that surprised me. I only recognize you now. The light before wasn't enough and my mind was occupied with the wounded woman" he said and took another good look of me._

"_Anyway, where was I? A! We know it was a sin to unbury her but we had no other choice. That wasn't the place where she could find the peace she needed. Too much violence... too much blood. So we decided to take her somewhere else. You didn't seem to be coming back for her anyway, so we thought it wouldn't matter. But it did matter for her soul to be in a peaceful place. When we took her out she started coughing and we couldn't believe what we saw. She was still alive!_

_Despite the fact that she was buried and almost fatally injured, that woman had still life in her! Allah wanted her to be saved and we had to follow his will so we brought her here. My sister wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do. Actually I think she still believes I was wrong. You saw her being noticeably worried, didn't you?" the man went on in perfect English and I nodded. "We called a physician to take care of her. He did all he could but he had to leave the town this morning. We had no idea what to do without him and Zaxa told us that she knew a woman trained in medicine. The rest, you know" Hersan said and he it was obvious that he felt relieved._

"_I know it'll probably sound naive or even silly to you but I can't stop thinking about it. You see, we weren't going to come here and live in my uncle's house. We made this decision two months ago. Isn't that a odd coincidence? And the strangest coincidence is that we were at Emius city the same day as you! Like we were meant to be there, save your friend and then bring her here so you can reunite with her! I don't know... but everything in this story looks like a God's plan! Allah wanted us to save her! And I guess your God too" he said and closed his eyes to pray. Both Will and I, listening to his words, realized how right he was. If there wasn't for him, things could turn out very bad for her. Not that they looked good now but it could have been much worse..._

"_As I told you we saw everything and I cannot hide from you that my heart broke when that man moved his sword to kill... Marian you called her? He must be a monster the very least, to do something like this to a young person, so full of love and passion, so full of life. She looked so confident when she told him that she loved this Robin-man and that she would marry him. She even looked happy, if such a thing was possible, like it was the first time she ever said it. She must be very brave to confront someone so lethally dangerous completely unarmed, as she was, with such nerve". Will and I, heard for the first time what had happened between Marian and Gizborne. We gazed at each other and nodded. This was something that Marian would do only if she thought of it to be her last resort. But why did she had to push her luck?_

"_You've seen nothing of her!" Will assured him with a small smile. "I hope she'll survive and find this friend of yours, Robin. I can only imagine the pain he's going through because he falsely believes she's dead. I am very happy that I could be of any help to you. If you need something more please, do not hesitate to ask". Will nodded and said "Thank you. We can use any help you can give us!". Hersan patted Will's shoulder and grinned._

_I was listening to his narration while, I was assessing the wound in Marian's belly. It looked bad. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was that day at the clearing, though. Her organs weren't seriously hurt (the physician did excellent work with the sutures, the man informed me) but she had lost a lot of blood. Now she was in the process of healing from that injury. She was feverish because of an infection and that worried me the most. A serious infection. But as long as she kept breathing, I could handle anything. There was hope and I wouldn't be tricked this time._

_But what went wrong back there, in Emius, and we thought she had died? I saw that the blade had fatally traumatized her. Obviously not! 'I guess the exhaustion of that day got the best of me' I tried to find an explanation. After all, we all were tied up for hours under the hot sun, in the middle of the desert… Poor excuses!_

_Hersan, as if he had seen the confusion in my mind, explained. "The physician told me that she had fainted because of the major bleeding and the pain. It had shocked her body, he said. Her heart was beating very weakly and she could easily be thought as dead, which she did. She fainted once again seconds after we freed her, once again because of the big shock of the pain. The physician stopped the bleeding just in time" he continued._

_ Now I had my confirmation. It was my fault! "Fool! You should have known better" I called to myself and Will turned to look at me. I nodded that everything was fine but he came at my side and stroke my face. "I'll leave you to rest. Tomorrow will be a very hard day. Good-night, my friends" Hersan said and left the room._

"_What a blessing" Will said and touched Marian's hand, fascinated by 'the miracle in front of his eyes' as he had, previously, called it. "Blessing?" I asked in high voice. What was he talking about? "You call this blessing? We buried her alive! She almost died because we weren't careful enough. Because **I** wasn't careful enough" I cried. He opened his mouth to say something. "Will, say whatever you like but do not dare to say 'It's not your fault', please!" I stopped him before he could start, pointlessly, consoling me._

"_Djaq, you need to calm yourself down" he said in a hard voice that took me by surprise. His voice was never hard. Then he softened his way "I'm sorry, but I can't stand watching you tormenting yourself like that. Marian is alive! An hour ago we were talking about visiting her grave and now look, she is here..." "She's not out of danger. Don't forget the fever. It may cause problems. Don't you remember how Robin had suffered? He nearly died" "I have faith that she will get over all of this. Do not forget that she had recovered the first time. She is a fighter! You know Marian, she doesn't give up that easily. She is the most stubborn woman I know, except for you of course! Her stubbornness will save her again" "Just because she survived the first time, it doesn't mean that she'll be lucky enough to get over this too. Besides, this is more dangerous" I couldn't take my eyes off her. She looked very haggard and almost with no life in her. "I am confident that soon enough she'll open the big, blue eyes of hers and…" Will said. "And she'll ask for Robin" I interrupted him. His face fell at the realization of the problem._

"_Will, what are we going to do? How on earth are we going to tell her that Robin is on his way back to England?"._

_That moment Marian slightly moved, turning her head to the left. She was, now, facing us even if she didn't know. She opened her mouth as if to speak and for a second I froze, thinking that Will might be right. No word came from her and she sank in her deep sleep again. My heart came to its right place. I wouldn't have to deal with a physically injured and, at the same time, heart-broken woman. One at a time was difficult. The two combined was beyond my limits. Will sighed. "We will be prepared for everything. For now we must keep her alive, so she will have her chance to ask for anything she wishes..."._


	3. Drown in agony Again

CHAPTER 3: Drown In Agony. Again.

"...It is very irresponsible of you! Five days now, you just leave and forget everything and everyone. Like we don't exist. Like you don't care if we are sick with worry about you..." "Much, will you just stop speaking for one second?" I almost had to beg him. His look thought, told me that he wasn't willing to let go. "No master, I won't" he answered. 'Of course not!' I thought. His eyes fixed on me. "You can't expect me to stop worrying about you because you simply ask me to. You know me better than that to believe that I would... this is something so… so unrealistic to even consider..". That was not going to be easy but I had to fight. Fight twice as hard as I had thought.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I can expect you to do it. I'm not a baby to be taken care of all day. I can go for a walk all by myself without permission and generally speaking, I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. The others seem to be able to respect me that much. Why is it such a big challenge to you, Much?" I tried to sound harsh but I dropped my defense. The man was right to worry. Even if I would never tell him so, I knew it. He hissed and started peeling off a tree with his dagger.

The past few days I was nothing like myself. Something was awfully wrong with me. But I couldn't have them grouching about it all the time. Grouching wasn't helping me. I needed to be alone to figure out what was going on.

"If you are not a baby then perhaps you should stop acting like one!" was his reply when he managed to calm down. I turned to see the rest of them who sat there in silence. Like my closest friend, they were worried. Even Gizborne stood there with a peculiar look on his face. Care? No! Just anxiety for the outcome of our plans. He certainly wanted me alive and ready, only to fulfill my mission.

Kate was the first to speak. "Robin, Much is right. You scared us all to death. You were gone for a day without warning and it isn't the first time. What should have we made of it?" she said as she came towards me, and stroke my face keeping her tears in the corners of her eyes. 'Damn, I am causing her pain. Why am I completely unable, not to hurt those who care for me? Am I cursed to make everyone around me suffer?' I was mad at myself for what I had brought to them but it didn't change much. I realized I had to fight against them all. So...

"Forgive me everyone" I tried to apologize, not so much because there was a reason to, but it looked like that was what I was expected to do. I wished they could see my reasons. That was impossible, though and I knew it. According to them, there was no reason for me to be on my own. However, I knew I was right to leave and I would do the same again if I thought it was necessary. But in order to do so, I had to promise them that I wouldn't. Yes. I had to lie to them.

"The truth is, I didn't realize for how long I had been gone. It won't happen again. You have my word". It wasn't easy to lie to my friends, but to be perfectly honest with myself, nothing in my life had been easy for over a year. I guess I got used to living like this, somehow.

John nodded. Allan shook his head in disbelief and muttered "Whatever". Tuck sighed with an approving look. "Well now that this is over, **finally, **I'm leaving. I'll go and see if I'll be able to track down Archer in the villages out of Nottingham-shire. I'll be back soon" Gizborne was the last to react. I nodded and he left without a second look. Kate put her arms around my waist and kissed me. She squeezed my hand and I gave her a half smile. The best I could do for her.

Much couldn't help himself and spoke. "Well I hope you'll remember your promise, the next time you'll get struck by the idea of a long walkabout in the forest because I swear to you, I will not be as civilized as I am now. I consider you warned, master".

He had the hardest time dealing with my unusual behavior. Being a witness to my best and worst days, was difficult for Much and this was bringing to him memories of my darkest times. The idea that something should happen to me and he wouldn't be there to protect me, was his constant fear. He had been present in the most of my life through the last fifteen years. Always ready to help me when I needed. To defend me even when he thought I was wrong. To console me all those times that I found myself feeling hopeless. I knew he meant well and I was grateful, but it felt like I was taking advantage of his devotion. A thousand times, I'd tried to to make him understand that I wasn't his responsibility but he wouldn't listen. Much was far too good friend to me, to leave me when I was in need. And I've been in his need since the day I met him. 'Oh Much'.

"_Master! Master!" he yelled. I was in my tent and he was all the way across the camp but his voice was the one thing I would never mistake for something else. And that word! 'Master'. It didn't indicate the relationship between a noble and his manservant. For me and Much, it was simply another way of communicating. He would soon be a free man but he never stopped calling me master. After the hundredth time that I begged him to stop and he nodded yes, and by the time I had turned my back he called me master again, I gave up. Once we would return home he would officially be a free man and he would get his Bonchurch._

_Oh my God, he hadn't stopped babbling about it ever since I told him. It wasn't my cleverest idea to announce it before its time. I admitted that, the fifth night on a row that he kept me awake by telling me how he would celebrate his first day at his new home. Five nights, five different concepts of celebrations with only one common ground! Lots of food! The man was never running out of ideas on these kind of matters._

_My good, loyal friend was made for a quiet life and I had brought him in the worst nightmare of every human. An endless bloodshed without reason. Often, I wondered if he would ever forgive me. I wanted the glory and instead of that, I may had irreparably hurt someone who was nothing but true a friend to me. The only family I knew, because I had lost all my living relatives. But Much had a rare quality. He never, openly, complained for the big things. The cruelty he dealt with. The suffering... The only thing he wanted was food, a warm bed and peace of mind and he was capable of making a huge fuss if he would be deprived of his food! I would make sure he would get all he wanted and even more. In his Bonchurch!_

_Thinking of how Much used to react, gave me an idea. I was still weak, at least that was what the physician had said, and he had strictly ordered me to stay in bed. What would Much do if he wouldn't be able to find me at once? He would definitely make a scene that could cause chaos in the camp. It was so tempting that I couldn't resist! The tent that I occupied was almost as big as the King's. I could hide... Yes! That was it! It was night. Not sufficient light. Perfect! I got up, moved to the entrance of the tent and hid in the the shadows from where I could watch everything._

_He finally entered the tent. "Μaster! Master? Master! Oh my God. How long had I been gone? Where is he? Clive! Clive, get in here right now". I was right. Chaos, though, might turned out to be a very little word. Clive's voice was heard from outside "What do you want, **this time**?"._

_Clive was one of the few men who were still at the camp after King's departure. They were there to take care of the wounded soldiers and make sure that things would run smoothly until the last soldiers were gone. He was the one who had been assigned to make sure I would be safe during my recovery. "Where's Robin?" Much asked in high voice. "What do you mean? What happened?" the other man walked in. "You lost Robin! That's what happened" "Here we go again!" Clive sighed with despair._

_Since the day that I could remember, after my recovery, they never stopped arguing. For my safety mostly. Much was insisting that :'I should never be left alone' 'I should always have my meals on time' 'I had to rest for the most of the day without moving more than a few steps around the tent' and other stupid precautions as if I were I child instead of a grown man. Clive was simply insisting that Much was mentally ill!_

_Their arguments were for other things too. They seemed to agree on almost nothing. Whether the soup was too hot or the bread was stale. Which shift, to look after me, each of them would take. Anything could trigger another round of that, amusing to me, 'game' of theirs. Up to a point, I was certain that they were having fun, too. Not that they would ever admit it! So they kept like that, all day long! I could bet that both of them had dreams at night in which they were still arguing, saying all the nonsense they hadn't the chance to say during the day! _

_ "One thing. I told you to do one thing. Stay here and guard him but you left" "And since when am I to take orders from you?" "It was a request and you agreed!" "I didn't leave. I was here all the time" Clive stated and looked confused. "Don't lie to me!" Much raised his voice. "Take it easy, there. All I know is that I never saw him walking out" "So, where is he?" Much looked around the tent with open arms to show to Clive the unchallengeable proof that I had gone missing._

_ "I don't know!" "What kind of answer is that?" "An honest one. I have no clue where Locksley is!" "You have no idea where he is and you say it just like that!" "Do you want me to write it down for you?" "Oh you're so... just so..." "Well, Much! One of these days you'll have to finish that sentence! I want to know what '__**so**__...' I am!" he laughed loudly._

_ "Funny Clive! Is that your nickname back home? Funny Clive! I like the sound of it. I bet if we ask the King he'll love it too!" Much's turn to strike! "For the last time, I don't know where he is!" Clive gave up the teasing tone. He knew that Much was capable of sending word to the King if something should happen to me and Clive wouldn't like his name to be related._

"_But he is your responsibility, as long as I am gone" "He is a nuisance, just like yourself!" "Watch your tongue! My master will..." "Your master will do nothing. He will probably have a good laugh when he'll learn that we were trying to find him all around the camp, sick with worry, while he was just somewhere, completely safe and sound, mind-traveling or simply sitting under a tree!". Clive knew me only for three months but he seemed to know one or two things about me that made me who I was! Clever man._

"_Even if that were true he's weak and he cannot walk around all by himself. He's frail, don't you know that?" "Why do you bother me with that? Once we find him, tell him so. I doubt, though, if he's gonna listen to you. Tell me, Much, aren't you sick and tired of not being taken seriously by him?" "Mind your own business, Clive. I only want you to find him. Keep your comments to yourself!"_

"_I'm telling you! He ignored the physician's instructions, as usual, and left the tent. That must be all. Come on, you know him better than I do, he's just fine" "For your own good, I hope so" Much threatened him. He knew me and deep inside he knew I was fine but he loved me so much and I had given him plenty reasons to worry in the past, that it felt normal to him to worry on a daily basis. "I will go and check. I will go to the physician's tent, too. You stay here" Clive suggested. "Don't take your time!" Much called. "I wouldn't dare!" Clive replied over his shoulder and left the tent._

_After a couple of minutes, it was time for my triumphant exit! Much was standing with his back to the entrance of the tent. "What's the big commotion for, Much?" I asked raising an eyebrow, pretending I had just walked in. "I heard that Clive is looking for me" I could barely hold my laughter. "Where have you been?" he screamed. "Out and about! What's for the turmoil, anyway?" "Nothing! Really. Clive just got anxious because you were not here. I told him he was being silly but that man never listens! What am I to do with him, I wonder!" he lied._

_It was the tenth time, of which ten only the last was my fault, that he had overreacted about my safety during the last month but it was the first time that he hid it. That was a pleasant surprise. Maybe things could get better. "I am sure you will manage him" I tried to sound supportive._

_He insisted, despite my objections, that I should rest and he left to bring the supper. Soon Clive had come to announce his fruitless efforts to locate me and he found me resting peacefully. "Look at that!" he snorted. "How long have you been here?" "Not long" I answered without looking at him._

"_Can I ask you something Locksley?" he said and I turned to face him. I nodded. "How badly will you to react if I kill your manservant?" he studied my expression. "Pretty badly! Why would you make an attempt against Much's life?" "He had me walking around the camp to find you. But when he knew you were safe, he didn't bother to inform me and left me wandering! Anyway, I heard that your ship leaves in ten days. I think I can put up with him for a little longer" he finally smiled. "That's what I call good news! Thanks Clive! Much will be thrilled"._

_He turned to leave but then he hesitated and turned back. "Locksley, try not to push him so much. I don't think that he will be able to keep it together if something should happen to you. Goodnight" he bowed and left. I thought of what he said. He was right, Much was depending on me ever since I met him. So much his life was tied to mine, that he couldn't function well if he was alone. He was capable of surviving on his own, no doubt, but he never seemed willing to try._

_After we were done eating Much spoke "How do you feel? I know I am the merriest man on earth! We're leaving in ten days! We're finally leaving from this God-forsaken place, for good". His eyes were glowing with excitement and anticipation. "Imagine that! This is a Holy Land and it feels like God has abandoned it, right?" I asked him and he looked at me with teary eyes. His eyes changed so quickly like the direction of the wind in the desert. "I don't know if God has forgotten this place but I will never forget" he shook his head. "And we shouldn't. Things like that must never be forgotten for they are a lesson for the generations to come"_

"_But master, the nightmares!" he closed his eyes and shivered. Oh yes the nightmares. Every crime we had committed. Every crime we had been witnesses to, was repeated in its wildest form in our dreams. "I am afraid we must live with them, Much. I wish I could take yours, because I am to be blamed for your misery, but I cannot. Both of us, we must carry on with the nightmares" I said and put my hand on his shoulder to show him that he wasn't alone in this. He nodded and closed his eyes._

_We sat in silence, staring at the fire. "I just want to go home, master" he whispered with trembling voice. "I will get you home, my friend. I promise"._

For the time, I was off the hook but I could sense they would keep an eye on me. Even Gizborne would. They gave me one last look, to make sure their message was delivered, and I was alone again. I had to find out the source of this. It must had been the dreams I had. It'd been a long time since my last dreams about her and the impact those late dreams had upon me was unfamiliar. I walked for several minutes in the forest and rested against a tree somewhere close to the north road to Nottingham.

Normally, whenever I dreamed of her I would feel depressed. All those memories of the past (even the ones that weren't happy occasions) or the thoughts of how our life would be after this hell was over, used to give me a temporary pleasure only for it to be taken back abruptly when the dream was over. And then the real suffering was next in line. Condemned in a life without her. So much of a life!

But that was different. The last few days, I was feeling extremely nervous after dreaming of my sweet, lovely wife! I was alert for something, that I couldn't tell if it was coming for real or it was a trick of my mind.

Marian! Her picture filled my mind. I let it, without a second thought. Divine beauty she was graced with and for just to see her again, I would take all the pain and misery that was coming later. She was so gorgeous. 'From any angle!' I laughed at the memory of her, twisting in the air, caught in one of our traps. A bitter laugh indeed... But she was more than gorgeous, she was exquisite in that dream. Her long, ebony hair was waving in the wind. Her ivory skin felt so smooth to my touch. Ebony and ivory, my love she was!

Her deep-blue eyes looking at me. Oh, her eyes! Her eyes were the first thing I had noticed on her. The cloudless blue sky, down on earth. She was looking at me with adoration and then with anger, in that dream! Yes. Much better! I always preferred her angry looks because the color of her eyes was more vivid and I was getting easily lost in the horizon hidden in them. She hated that I loved her anger because I never stopped angering her so I could enjoy her reactions! Like I could not love absolutely everything about her!

She looked like she had something to say. "Robin!" she called my name over and over again. Her hand was held out for me to reach it and when I had just touched her, I woke up. She was fading away, only her voice left to surround me. "Robin?" It was almost as if I could listen to her even when I had been awake for hours. "Yes, my love? Yes, my wife?" the words were spoken out loud and my eyes turned to look at the sky. For a while, I truly waited for an answer. I bit my lip and laid down on my back. I closed my eyes and thought of that cursed day that I started ruining my life and hers. Our life. Our love. I put my arm on my forehead to block the light reaching my eyes.

"Robin?". Her voice wasn't the one of the dream. It was taken from my memory and I let myself sink in that memory…

"_Robin? What did you say? You are going... where?"..._

…"_Marian, stop" I heaved as I ran behind her. "Don't run like that or you'll end up hurting yourself. Is that what you want?". Marian used to run away form me, whenever we had an argument. She wanted to be alone and no one to see her being out of control and I always let her burst her anger before I would face her, but this time I couldn't. I simply couldn't let her out of my sight._

_Normally, Marian was a reasonable woman but in some occasions she would act driven by her wild temper and this was one of those times. Because this time it wasn't a usual argument. It was something much more serious and I doubted that we would end up laughing about it like in other occasions. For that, I had to stop her._

_She finally stopped running and stood with her back to me. I tried to make my breath even as I stopped inches away from her, for my anxiety left me with no strength to breathe normally. "I am the one who is in danger of getting hurt! That is nice!" she was sarcastic as she turned to face me. Her cheeks were red, matching her velvet, crimson lips. Her eyes looking at me with fury. Her hands in fists as if she was ready to throw a punch at me which I'd probably deserved. Any attempt to speak died, her look had silenced me. There was nothing I had to say that could calm her down. I could only make things worse._

_She was pacing up and down for many minutes without a glance at me as I stood there, not even blinking. "What about you, then? Hah?" she shouted finally, "Leaving to go to the Holy Land? Fighting at the Crusades? You, Robin of Locksley, are more than eager to risk your life, and my heart for that matter, for what? Glory? Or you flatter yourself by calling it 'duty'? Well, yes then! I do indeed want to hurt myself, now better than later. I'd rather die here, this very moment than to sit at home, all alone, and receive a letter from the desert that announces your death!". Tears were all over her angelic face as she yelled every word to me._

"_Marian..." I murmured weakly, her words had paralyzed me. From the moment I had decided to go to the war I had thought of the possibility of death. My death. I certainly didn't want to die but I was ready to, nonetheless. I needed to leave and fight for my country. I needed what my King was giving me by asking me to join him. A cause. Yes, it was my duty. And yes, I was ready to die in the name of it. But she spoke of **her**… death too. NO! This, I couldn't bear. She couldn't die. NO. She would live. No matter what._

"_Do not speak like that!". I grabbed her shoulders and I forced her to look me in the eye. I was so angry with her for saying those words that I could barely control my actions. How could she believe that I would allow any harm to come to her? My hands were holding her tightly and I was shaking her to make her see sense. "Marian! You do not get to say or even think something like that, ever again. Do you understand?"._

_She hadn't stopped crying and I held her as close to me as possible. I was holding her so stiffly, I was certain that it was hurting her so I tried to loosen my hold. But then I felt her body being pressed against mine and I let my own tears flow._

_As I sensed her so full of youth and pathos holding me more tightly than I did, I saw that life itself, the way I knew it, wouldn't last. It might take me many years before I could see her again and she would change. Things would change. That could mean anything, good or bad. Who could tell? How could I make sure that her life was safe, if I were to be miles away?_

_She was right! I was risking too much, but I had to believe that it was only for myself. Nothing would happen to Marian. My Marian would always be secure and protected. She was the light in my eyes and nothing in the world could bring that light to die out._

I thought of that cursed day when I had come back from the Holy Land for the first time. Her distant and unfriendly behavior came as no surprise. I knew she had every reason to be like this. My decision hurt her more than I could imagine when I had made it.

But why on earth was I thinking about it again? It had been over a year since her death. Wasn't it supposed to get easier by the time? Why was I once again in anguish? After we restarted our normal life at the camp I felt pain, distress, loneliness, bitterness but not agony. The last time I felt that way because of my thinking of her, was when I tried to murder Gizborne. I could barely hold my bow. My hands were shaking. My heart hammering in my chest.

Was it him then? But he'd been with us for three weeks and I had been feeling this way only for a few days. But then again… Was she trying to tell me she didn't like my alliance with him? Did I displease her? Did she want me to kill him and avenge her death?

'NO! YOU FOOL! She would never ask for his death. Not even to avenge her own death!' I shook my head. "Forgive me, my love. Forgive me, my wife!". Lost in despair, I laid down again and tried to sleep. Lately, sleep never came to me when I wanted and it didn't come this time either.

Other things came, instead...

"_Go away, Robin" Sir Edward's voice was harsh. "If you value my daughter's sanity, go away" He stood by the door, blocking the doorway. "Please, Edward" I spoke, "I'm leaving tomorrow and I need to see her for the last time. Please". My voice broke at the thought of my last night at home._

"_See her? And do what? Are you planing to tell her that she should wait for your return? That there is still a chance for the two of you? What good could come out of that? You decided you wanted to leave and join the King at war. So leave and let her be. You chose the path of your life and Marian is no longer on it. You are no child, Robin. You are a man. Act like one". He said and slummed the door._

_I turned to leave as Edward had ordered me, but I wasn't planning to go very far. I was there to see her and there was absolutely nothing that could make me leave without doing so. 'As soon as he falls asleep I'll go find her' and hidden in the barn, I waited._

_I climbed up her window. Usually, it was open. Tonight it was wide shut and that worried me. A closed window implied trouble, mostly for the one on the outside. Me. I knocked gently. She opened it without asking who was it and stared at me. "I knew you were coming" she said in low murmur and lighted up a candle. She knew me too well. As I knew her. I saw the pain I had caused. It was hardly missed, written all over her face. I loathed myself to the core. I should be sentenced to death for even thinking of doing something like that._

"_Then why you had your window closed?" I asked, prolonging the inevitable. Breaking her heart all over again. I knew what I would cause and despite that, I still got there, knocked at her window, brought myself in her room. She had to watch the man who vowed that he cared for her, destroying any part of her that he hadn't already destroyed._

"_I can't stand the light from either the moon or the stars. I wanted no more light in my room or in my life" she said in a wintry, harsh voice. Her eyes were wet, proof that she had been crying but not willing to let anyone witness it. The pillow on her laps was ruined with her salty tears. Another unquestionable proof. I was totally wrong. I wasn't going to destroy anything. There was no undamaged part on her._

_Her fingers were gripping the bed's pole and it was obvious that she was trying to hold onto there, to keep herself from moving. Keep herself from moving closer to me, who was still standing on the window's ledge. If only I could touch her one last time. A small caress on her face..._

"_I heard you talking to my father. He is right" she found the courage to speak again, in low but still firm voice, always keeping the distance between us. "Your father is right about what?" I mouthed the words and felt them like fire, burning my throat as I remembered my conversation with Edward. "I am no longer on your path, Robin. I release you from our engagement. You are free to do as you like. And you can come here no more, that is if you ever come back in England... alive". She showed me the way out._

"_Marian, my…". The words were blades now, cutting my whole existence in million tiny pieces. "Do not dare to call me that, Robin! You've never said that before so don't try to be coaxing by saying it now, only for it to mean nothing since you are abandoning me" she snapped at me and her eyes could have had me killed with that fire-gaze._

"_This is nothing like what you believe. I am not abandoning you. I could never do that Marian. Evidently, you do not share my reasons for leaving but please don't make the mistake to think that my feelings for you are gone. They live in my heart. You live in my heart. You have the whole of it" "Then stay here. The war will be the end of you... how can you not see that?" there was pain and begging in her voice. "No Marian, it won't be!" "Even if it doesn't kill you, you'll never be the same man you are now. You will change and it might not be for the better. You even might..." she said looking away._

_She was afraid that I might be a different man after the war and I might not want to be with her but she was wrong. Whoever I would be, should I change into someone else, she would always be the one for me. "I will come back home and you'll be proud of me! I will come home to you. I promise" "And am I supposed to hold on this promise? Because you will keep it, like the rest of your promises? Don't fool me Robin. Leave, if that is what your heart craves but spare me the sweet-talk. I am not a child and I can deal with this as an adult" "Marian I cannot bear it when we are like this. Don't make me leave without your warm smile and your gentle caress" I said and reached out for her hand but she jerked away._

"_You are my..." I went on but she interrupted me once again before I could mouth the forbidden, by her, word "STOP IT, ALREADY! I am not. Should I be, you…". She left the sentence unformed, her lower lip trembling with either anger or sadness. Or maybe both. But anger was all she would let out to be seen._

_There were so many things I could use to finish that sentence. 'I would stay here and never leave' 'I would keep my promises to you' 'I would never hurt you'. But I couldn't do any of that. I had to leave._

"_Goodbye... I wish I'll see you again" I whispered and looked at the sky as I mounted my horse right before I was on the path, back to Locksley. Out of the sudden, there were clouds in the sky hiding the moon and the stars. No light got through them._

_With her teary eyes locked in my mind, I left her room that night. With the thought of her haunting me, I left the next morning to start my journey with my destination being a notorious battlefield. I might die and yet I couldn't find the nerve to speak aloud the truth of my heart. Could she never learn? No. She knew. She was my **love**. She would always be._

"Master, master!" Much's screaming voice made me open my eyes. It was past midday. Allan and Tuck were with him. "What is it?" I demanded and stood up as they approached. "Travelers on the north road. Four of them. We saw them approaching. They soon should be caught in the trap we put this morning" "Are they armed?" "I think so" "Could be trained, those four. They're covered, silent. And I'm not being funny but they don't seem to be traveling for pleasure!" Allan was worried.

"Let's go then, lads. Call the others". I grabbed my bow and made a run for the north road. "Kate and John had one more round at Clun to do" "Fine. We go" "Shouldn't we wait for them? These people could be dangerous" Tuck asked. "We have no time. If they are indeed dangerous, Tuck, we can't let them pass and we can't risk it, if they miss the trap. You said they're four. All right, we're even in numbers. Now come on". This should be interesting. I could use some distraction. Some real action instead of fantasies and dreams that were playing games with my mind.

We were scattered on each side of the road, hidden behind trees and bushes, ready to surround those travelers. I saw them approaching. Two of them were riding side by side. The other two were behind and not so close to each other. They all were well-covered, as Allan had pointed, and that made me uncomfortable, not being able to see them clearly.

When all of them were with their backs to me, I raised my bow slowly and got ready to react to any movement from their part. Suddenly one rider of the first pair, said something in a low voice to other and the second pointed at the direction of our trap. They both made signals to the rest, to stop. Was it possible? Could they know there was a trap? A low noise came from where Much was hiding. The first rider must had heard so, because he turned to check what was that noise. The way he reacted proved Allan right. They were trained. Perhaps dangerous too. 'We must stop them' I decided.

I aimed at the last rider, the weakest of all as it appeared. I didn't want to kill him, only to frighten them. I sent my arrow to his shoulder. He cried out and the other three ran for his rescue without a single noise! They wouldn't allow anything to give them away. Not even the sound of their voices. Very interesting and very upsetting.

I signaled at my gang and in no time we had circled them, aiming at them with our arrows. Their figures were covered with cloaks so I couldn't tell if there were any women amongst them. The one I shot at was, in no doubt, a man. He was gasping but said no word. The other three were holding swords in defense, protecting him.

"Reveal your faces" I ordered. They made no move. "NOW" I ordered again more severely and pointed my second arrow at the one who had been riding close to the injured man. "We mean no harm, my friend. No need to take aim against us" the one who first saw our trap, spoke in heavy voice. He said 'us' but he pointed at the one who was my target.

"I want to trust you…" "Master?" Much interrupted me in protest but I cut him off. "As I said, I want to trust you. But you need to prove yourselves and your good intentions". He nodded and they dropped their weapons. I really wanted to trust him, all of them. Something about him made me believe him. Besides, I needed no more enemies and he did call me friend.

"Robin? What do you want us to do?" Allan asked. "I'll get closer. You cover me" I told him and walked at their direction. "Master? You..." Much protested again.

"Oh Much! Don't you have anything else to say than 'master, master'? I wonder how Robin made it not to drive himself insane all these years!" the injured man yelled and laughed through his gasping and I froze. We all did. "What the…?" I heard Allan say.

**And now the promise. There will be a reunion in the next chapter!**


	4. The heart wants what the heart wants

**Hmm! It seems I cannot write a short story! Anyhow, for anyone who is interested, this is next chapter. Yours to handle with care! I will appreciate any feedback!**

CHAPTER 4: The heart wants what the heart wants

That man knew our names. That stranger knew who we were. How was that possible, unless we knew him too? Before any of us could respond and ask for explanations, the first man said in his deep voice "Now Carter, you've ruined it. Are you happy?". Carter? Did he just say 'Carter'? "I'm sorry Willy but in case you haven't noticed, I have an arrow on my shoulder and it really hurts!". Will? Too many information, too quickly and it was about time for me to speak.

"Will is that you?". I ran to him as he removed his hood. So did Carter with a little help from his friend, who seemed overprotective. "Robin! So good to see you again". Will's real voice, ringing in my ears! It was so nice to see my good friend, Will Scarlet, again. "What are you doing here! How... did you get here?" I quested and before I could go on looking for Djaq, Carter yelled again. "Sorry again, mates. But I really suffer over here! Please! Djaq?".

Djaq! Of course Will wouldn't come back alone. They were together, just like the first day they confessed their love to each other. "You always are in pain Carter! I hope if I get there and help you, you will keep your mouth shut, for some time!" she said, taking off her cloak and giving him a fierce look. It was her! She smiled at me warmly and turned to Carter. "I promise nothing!" he talked back.

"Hey, mate. Long time no see, hah?" Allan was next to embrace Will, with shocked eyes! Who wasn't in shock! A, surprisingly, silent Much followed. His eyes were wide and he actually pinched himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming. Truth was, there was little we could say. Just having them with us again, was more than enough, more than we expected to see when we woke up that morning!

Much's silence didn't last, as it was expected! "Will Scarlet! Again in Sherwood then? I knew you couldn't stay away from home for long. I knew it! You are an English boy, raised under the moist sky of Nottingham. You wouldn't cope with the dizzying heat of the desert!" he laughed and started pinching Will too, to make sure he was real.

Tuck took a few steps closer and said "A wild guess, Robin! You know them!" and grinned. "Yes Tuck! They are in my gang too". And I proudly introduced my friends! They still had the wooden tags and they showed them to Tuck. "Excellent!" he murmured and looked at each one of them, carefully. His examining eyes focused on Djaq, the talented Saracen healer he had heard so much about. The thought of the things he could learn from that acquaintance, thrilled him. He turned to me and when he realized I was watching him, his grin grew wider and he held the tag tighter in his strong hand.

"Unbelievable. I..." Much started to speak again but Djaq cut him off "And yet all true! Nice surprise, wasn't it?" She hugged me and smiled knowingly at Will. I couldn't believe she was there! Just like I remembered her. Two clever, black eyes were wet with tears. I left her reunite with the rest of them and moved to Carter, who was lying under the tree. He was busy prying his scars. The most recent one was by my hand. I looked at it and the day I met him came to my mind.

"Sorry, my friend! I didn't mean to hurt you". I apologized and sat next to him. "That is all right. You barely caused me a scratch there. It's just that I was already injured and I've been pretty grumpy for some time" "I see! That explains Djaq's bad temper!" "Well yes! Actually, we give her a very hard time keeping us alive. Some of us more than the others". The stranger nudged Carter on his side and walked away. Carter made a cry of pain and then laughed. They must had been friends for a long time because it seemed to be a old habit of theirs to tease each other. The rest of the gang came closer to greet Carter, as well.

"Don't go..." I tried to stop the stranger but Carter cut me off. "Leave her. She just wants to give us the chance to talk in private" "A woman? I suppose it shouldn't surprise me much!" I rolled my eyes. "How come and you travel with company?" Much asked. Tuck offered some water to her and she thanked him with a simple nod. Not a sound! Still.

"Her Ladyship was coming home too, so we decided to take her under our protection. She is precious cargo, if you know what I mean!" he winked at me. "Is she from here? Nottingham?" Allan wanted to know. An answer to his question wasn't enough for his curiosity. He trusted his instinct more than he trusted words, so he studied the woman. As much as he could study a person who did its best to remain unnoticed.

"Why doesn't she show us her face? We won't harm her surely!" Much raised his voice a little offended, I could tell, with the woman's insistence on keeping her identity unknown. "My Lady, I can assure that you are perfectly safe with us. I cannot blame you for your waver, for we have attacked you. We didn't actually attack but whatever we did was because we thought you might be dangerous. But you are not. Obviously. Well, I know the others and they are not. You could be but you don't seem... Unless you..." he went on and got closer. The hooded woman didn't seem to accept the attention well.

"Much, give it a rest and leave the Lady alone. She will tell us who she is when she feels it is the time" I tried to stop him from getting more incomprehensible to his audience! "Don't mind him. He means well..." I told her and I felt my body shivering... This was familiar. Much trying to reassure someone, using all the wrong ways to do it and me trying to re-reassure the rather upset someone... _in a damp cave... _not so long ago and at the same time it was like another life! A life that didn't belong to me and yet I would hold on to it with all of my strength. At least, one part of me wanted me to. The cruel part of me, which never seized to remind me what my loss was. The other part, the tortured one, wanted me to forget everything...

I stopped my words then, abruptly, and the woman who had turned to my direction, although I had no idea if she was looking at me or at the ground, sighed deeply. Maybe we had, in all Much's well-intended clumsy manners and my 'quite rude' kindness, managed to gain her trust. She stood farther but the body language never had lied before. She had her back turned to us and no man, or a woman in that case, turns their back if there is no trust. It is the primal survival, instinct-guided, rule.

"So, Will, you were saying? What's the story? Is she from here?" Allan turned to the Scarlet boy, after failing to get anything from our new 'guest'. "Yes, somehow. It is not that simple. We should..." Will spoke but Carter didn't let him go on. "She came to find her... How to say it... Her sweetheart? Yes, that sounds about right" he laughed. The woman threw the dagger at the tree, furiously and left it there. Like a reminder of what she could do.

It was obvious, even with a covered face -even without the thrown dagger- that she was upset with Carter's remark. That made sense. Matters of heart were not to be displayed openly to strangers. Propriety had its own strict rules and they were to be obeyed by everyone, whereas she didn't seem to care for that in great deal. The woman was of noble birth but she used to travel like a commoner. However, as any woman, noble or not, she wouldn't allow people gossiping about her private life as if it was a public subject. Her delicate hands were now playing nervously with the edge of her cloak. A little more pressure on the fabric and it would be ripped!

"Carter, I think you've already said enough!" Djaq spoke staidly. I tried to find a way to both learn more about the situation and not discontent the Lady. Somehow and for some reason, without me noticing, this woman's problems were now my own. "Maybe we can help, too" I offered. "It is a pity, for them to be apart. Where can he be found?" Tuck asked and I felt a pinch in my heart. Two people were trying to be together. I knew the feeling... Unfortunately, I knew the feeling very well. "We will have time for that later" Will said the same thing for the second time and glared at Carter. He was trying very hard to postpone or even avoid something. The woman approached, whispered something to him and sat under the tree. Close to us but at the same time she was keeping a distance between us. A wall of protection.

As the time passed, I was getting more and more curious about her. I was instantly drawn to her since the moment my head was clear of the shock of the reunion with the comers from the desert. I was listening to them talking to the Sherwood residents, sharing experiences, telling their news but I couldn't concentrate on them. She had captivated my interest like nothing else the last few months of my life.

Her very presence was imposing. There wasn't much of her to see but the idea alone wasn't something to be missed. Every single movement of hers was capturing my attention. Why was that happening, I couldn't tell. And to be frank, I didn't care a bit about the reason behind the fact. That new thrill was very much welcomed by a man -or rather, his 'tortured version'- who wanted desperately a way out of his past and its misery.

So, I kept watching her. Shifting her weight from left to right. Playing with a leaf between her fingers. She was very graceful even in those leather, not at all feminine, clothes the way she was pacing up and down once she got up again. She was talking to Will and Djaq, always in low murmur. I was searching in their expressions to see whether she was happy or did she make any complaint. Will smiled once but then he frowned. He didn't help much. Djaq was my last resort. In vain, though. Her face showed nothing, but she seemed calm. That must counted for something. If the stranger would be upset, Djaq would try to comfort her. That was what Djaq was doing. Being a physician, to her, meant care not only for the body but the soul as well.

Then I started thinking what that woman might look like. I wondered what the color of her eyes was. The shape of her lips. The style of her hair. The more I thought of her face, I no longer just wanted to see it. I wanted... Nei. I desired to touch it with my fingertips. I bet with myself that it was silky smooth. Creamy colored with rosy cheeks. Light-rosy cheeks. Cream and rose... 'Lovely picture' I smiled to myself. She must be beautiful, I thought. I had no proof of that but they way I had pictured her in my mind, she was. A typical English beauty. And in an inexplicable way, I was sure that she looked exactly like that.

Then my thoughts became more bold, less modest as I thought of her lips. I desired the taste of those lips... What was wrong with me? How could I think of her that way? She was a stranger. A woman I had met only an hour ago. To be more accurate, she was a woman I had not met yet, for I didn't even know her name. I didn't even know the sound of her voice. I knew so few about the woman who seemed to matter so much to me. Oh yes! She mattered the most to me.

Contemplating on how inappropriate my way of thinking was, didn't get me in my right mind. It only made me get more out of order. I imagined her in my arms. Her fingertips caressing my face. It was like I hadn't felt a touch like that for a long time. A woman's touch. A lover's warm, gentle, soothing, comforting touch.

But what about Kate or Isabella...? Nothing. No one. There was no one but that woman, whose face I had never seen, that could give me some pleasure... in a life of bitterness. How was that possible, I had no idea. If that was right, still no clue. Probably, I had fallen in a moral gray area and how little I cared! That wasn't like me but I let that new man to 'grow' inside me. Maybe he could do better than me... I hoped.

I saw her moving to where their horses were and I had to use every bit of my willpower to stop me from reaching out for her and keep her there, close to me. I longed for her body next to mine. It was as if I was tied to her by a force stronger than my greatest self-restraint. I needed to have her there. As simple as that. Whys could not, _**would not **_be answered. They never had been when _**I**_ needed them. When I used to spend every second of my day, asking 'WHY?' and receiving silence as an answer. No! Nothing would force me to explain myself now.

Putting my spicy thoughts into actions wasn't an option. 'Not right away, at least' my boldness yelled in my mind and I smiled with a bitter taste in my mouth. Things were not simple. They had never been. They were complicated. Oh yes! The never-ending monotony of my life. But I would, at least, be able to feel her. Surely I would be allowed that much. Let her fill my head with her addictive presence. A figure without a face, to me. And yet I would recognize her among thousands of covered figures. What would happen if she dared to reveal her face? I shook my head at the thought.

Then Allan spoke and said something that took me from the dream-land that I had let myself to wander in for so long. "So where is this man she has traveled so far to find?" 'The man she has traveled so far to find'. The echo was piercing my mind. There was a man somewhere, maybe already on his way there, whom she came, all this long way, to see. A man whom she loved? I felt the jealousy eating me alive. Why, in the name of God, did I feel that way?

A couple of hours ago, I was unaware of her existence and now I just couldn't imagine that she would leave, _**leave me**_, to be with another. But that was what was going to happen. There was someone else who could taste her kiss. Feel her touch. And she wanted that man. How could I possibly believe that there was even the slightest chance that I could be the one to... How could I possibly believe that I would be the fortunate one?

Once, I was the luckiest. Once, I had the most wonderful woman who wanted to share her life with me when I had proposed. Twice I had done so and both times she said yes with a smile. She was gone, though, never to return. I let this recent disappointment, of another chance wasted, go. Like any other woman I had met, after my wife's death, she couldn't be with me the way I wanted. None of them. Isabella... Even with Kate, who was living under the same roof, I could never have a life... But this time it hurt more than the others. Why, though? I couldn't find an answer. Nowhere in my mind, could I find a reason why my life was always turning upside down in such a dramatic way...

It took me only a few seconds to think of all that mess and I realized that no one had answered Allan's question. Of course, I didn't want to know how close we were to a man, so much luckier than me to find and hold the woman he loved while I had lost mine. Moreover he had the only woman, other than my wife, that I felt this over-bearing and uncontrollable need, not just desire, to have close to me... So I did what I had to do.

I turned to Carter. "I was thinking about you all this time. Wasn't sure if you would survive. I was really worried but I couldn't stay there. I had to leave. I..." "That is why I'm here, my friend. To allay any of your concerns!" he blinked his eyes twice. He joked to lighten my mood up and it worked. I laughed loudly, feeling glad for his high spirits. Somehow Carter was a wonder-worker! I had really missed him. He reminded me of myself. Both good and bad sides of me. He understood me very well. Much, Allan, Will and Djaq turned to look at me. I knew what they were thinking. He brought back a Robin who was thought to be left behind once and for all. I hadn't laughed this way for a long time. Since…

"Robin!" Tuck got my attention before I would slip in my thoughts. "We should go back to the camp. The others could already be back and looking for us". He was right. "Yes Tuck. We'll talk better there. But before we set off, I think that Will, you should introduce your new friend to us. We shouldn't wait to get to the camp first, since she is staying with us" I suggested while I helped Carter to get on his feet.

If I were to let her go... 'Let her go'! As if I ever had her. Anyway, if I were to let her go, I wanted to see her face. I wanted to hear her voice speaking her name. I wanted just that. A few moments of her until she would be gone and she would turn into memories in a dusted mind.

"Her?" Carter said. The mysterious woman, once she was summoned, turned to our direction. "No need for introductions Robin, really" Carter went on. "Carter!" Will and Djaq yelled at the same time. I looked at the three of them with wonder. "What? He's going to find out, sooner or later. And honestly, I don't think she'll make it for another minute".

Another nudge on his ribs and a low hiss from the woman who was now standing next to me and Carter. My hand almost touched her arm. God knew how much I wanted to touch her but I took one step behind to avoid the contact like it might burn me. There was no point in setting a new fire in my heart. After all, I wasn't sure how much my heart could take. She noticed but kept her head down. Did she want me to touch her? Was she offended because I pulled away? Maybe I should try to... "Come on Willy" Carter yelled.

Will looked for Djaq's opinion. She nodded in agreement. "All right! My Lady! Whenever you're ready" he said with a sigh and added "Reveal your secrets!".

She slowly took off the cloak and time stopped. It was like the sun rose before my eyes in all its glory, for her wide smile was so brilliant! Her face so radiant! A dream? No. I wasn't sleeping. But how then? I needed time to clear my mind, to process all this information and the revelations! It was too much for my weary mind, to handle. For a while, I closed my eyes and tried to focus on what the others were talking about.

"Are we dead and gone to heaven?" Much screamed in horror. "If you're in heaven, then why are you so angry?" Will teased him. "Because I don't want to be in heaven. Not just yet. I mean... Oh my God, are we in heaven? Really?" "Relax Much. You're still in Sherwood. Living amongst the living and to prevent you from whatever nonsense you are about to tell us, SHE is not a ghost! I've checked! A lot!" Djaq laughed.

"Who's this woman you are all so surprised to see?" Tuck asked. "It is... Marian. She's our friend Marian" "Amazing" I heard Tuck saying. "I can't believe it. It is..." "Unbelievable?" it was Allan who teased Much this time. "Don't play the smart with me! You're not surprised at all?" he asked back. "I'm not being funny, but I knew she couldn't have died... I knew she would have survived. Remember the other time? She..." "Oh, is that so? The great Allan'A'Dale knew it, ha? Then why didn't you…".

They'd seen her too. It was not a figment of my wild imagination. She wasn't a trick of my tired mind. SHE was real. I had to find the nerve to look again. She gave it to me, just by standing there. I took a deep breath and let my eyes see the one I was looking for my whole life. She hadn't moved. No one had moved. Like we were all too scared that even the slightest motion would destroy this moment.

"Well" her velvet voice filled the forest around us, "We've already established that I'm no ghost. Plus, none of you is dead. We all are alive and…". I didn't let her finish. I took her face in my hands and kissed her. I wanted to cry. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to scream! "Robin!" she whispered in my ear. What a delight to have her calling my name again!

The woman that I didn't know, was the person whom I knew better than anyone. She wasn't a stranger. She was my wife. She was mine. Then I remembered. 'She came to find her sweetheart'. She was there to find me. I was the man that I was so jealous of! What an irony! What a bliss!

"My wife! My life!". The English beauty, that I thought she was, was _my _beautiful girl. That was why I was sure that she was so pretty. Gorgeous. That was why I was so fascinated by her. Deep in my heart I must knew that she was my one and only!

"Finally air in your lungs, Marian?". Carter asked in low, emotional voice! "Yes Carter. Air in my lungs. Finally" she told him and now it was her turn to hold my face in her hands. "What?" I asked as I ran my fingers across her face, her hair. I wanted to touch her for so long and there she was, in my arms. "I'll tell you later" she giggled and went to greet the rest of them, always holding my hand.

"Marian! Marian. You are here! You are alive! What a great day we're living!" Much couldn't stop crying or laughing. "Oh my dearest friend! Yes I am alive! You haven't changed at all, thankfully!". She hugged him with one arm.

"My Lady" Tuck bowed. He was way too formal today. "I am brother-Tuck. It's nice to meet you. I've heard so much about you" he went on. "Oh you people! What have you told this man about me? Haven't you informed him that I was one of the lads?" she laughed. She didn't know him but she hugged him with warmth. That took him by surprise but he returned the embrace.

"Allan!" she moved on and I saw that her eyes were wet. "You are one lucky little girl now, aren't you? Com' here!" he said and opened his arms to hold her. "I guess I am!" she replied and wiped a small tear on Allan's eye-corner before it could run on his face.

"How about explaining what Carter said previously?" I asked her when we were standing away from the loud group that our friends had created. "Come with me". She took my hand and we followed a path.

"Do you even know where are you going?" I teased her. "What do you think?" she sounded cheerful. "Well, it's been a long time since you'd been around here, so…" "So what? All this time that I was gone, you've been removing the trees and creating new paths **around here**?" she emphasized the last two words.

"I will probably regret saying it, but nevertheless... From the first moment I saw you, I mean after I recovered from the shock, before I knew who was under the hood, I... I knew you were important to me, without knowing it was really you! Does that even make sense?" "Does anything with you?" "I was about to make a love confession! But..." "Do I need to introduce myself? I am your wife, my dearest outlaw! See? The one you haven't seen for so long. A love confession is obligatory, not optional!" "Come here!" I said and I pulled her closer before she had the chance to react.

"If a love confession is what my _wife_, wants then she shall have one. Let me see... A hah!' I cleared my throat and went on "From the first moment I saw you, one of the many first moments..." "Get serious" "Don't interrupt me, please. As I was saying. From the moment I saw you, in this worn cloak and these filthy clothes..." "Say no more, I am covered!" "What part of 'don't interrupt me' don't you understand? From that moment you owned me. I simply couldn't..." "You couldn't resist me? I know! That is common" she laughed!

"Oh is that so? How many poor men have you tortured just by being in the same room with them?" I raised an eyebrow. "It is not my fault that men are so easily attracted!" "Well you didn't have to try much with this one, that's for sure!" I said and pointed at myself. "That's not how I remember it!" she rolled her eyes and then she hugged me.

"Oh look at that! I didn't know that they grow here!". The purple flowers on our right, got her attention and she started gathering them, making a beautiful bouquet.

Only looking at her! It could make my heart stop and sometimes, it actually did. The absolute incarnation of beauty. An angel in arm's length. I pulled her to me again. Smelled the scent of her! Rose and lilac. How did she do it? Always smelling like rose and lilac! Amazing!

She led the way and I didn't pay attention to where we were going! How little I cared for the forest now. Suddenly, I saw it. A pile of stones and a wooden cross. She put the flowers on the cross. "A grave? Not very romantic setting for a lovers' reunion, really!" "It is more than perfect for a marriage proposal, then?" "No doubt!". I kissed her again. I've never been able to satisfy my desire of kissing her. Why should I change a habit of a lifetime now?

"Wait!" she gasped for air "Didn't you want to know what Carter meant earlier?" "Oh yes. I forgot. I got merely distracted, my Lady! My truest apologies". I bowed theatrically. "Well, listen. When I woke up there…".

The fact that I had her within my arms, after not seeing her for this long, after I had given up every hope of seeing her again, left no room in my mind for the most significant matter! "Before anything else, I want you to tell me what exactly happened and you stand alive here, now. Because I swear to you, I'm having a difficult time keeping my sanity" I said and kissed her forehead. She sighed. "All right. Here it is…".

As she narrated her story, I couldn't believe that something like this was possible. Then I realized that it was us we were talking about, thus impossible didn't exist. Anything bizarre or hazardous would come straight to us.

"Anyway, Djaq will give you the details. Now, I want to tell you something far more important". I held my breath. What could be more important than the fact that she escaped death for the second time? On the other hand, Marian always had her own special way to prioritize situations.

"All the time in the desert I had a strange feeling. Since the day I had woken up, I was inhaling but I couldn't feel the air in my lungs. I was breathing normally but it felt like I wasn't. I was alive but it didn't feel like real life. Do you understand?" her blue, moist eyes gazing at me.

"Inhaling keeps you alive but you still feel suffocating, right?" I asked and she nodded. "See? I've been there!". I held her close to my heart and she would stay there forever... "But now you are here" my voice was weak. She heard it and lifted her head to look at me. "I am here" she whispered. "And you are here to stay?" the weak voice spoke the words slowly. "And I am here to stay".

Oh my God! The things I wanted to tell her! My eyes spoke the truth to her! The things she wanted to tell me! Her heartbeats did the finest job!

We walked in silence for some time. "Robin?" I heard her calling me and I felt her hand squeezing mine. "Yes, my love?". My voice sounded like the old times! It was nice to know I still had it and I liked the way she was waking my old self up. "The others will soon start looking for us!" "No doubt, so?" "So, I was thinking that before they find us, I want to ask you for something" "Name it, love" "I want to be your wife" she breathed every word in my ear.

"Strange request, since we are already married! I remember speaking my vows, as well as you did yours! Anyway I guess you're right! That wasn't much of a wedding, with you bleeding! I'll get Tuck. He's a monk, I believe he can..." "Don't think so" she replied and kissed my lips tenderly. "Why not?" "There cannot be witnesses for the marriage I have in mind! It would be rather inappropriate!". She blinked.

Oh! Suddenly it made sense! Before I could blink twice she had started taking her clothes off. "Here, now?" was all I managed to mumble! "Robin, honestly, I hope I am not asking for anything you don't want to do" she smiled innocently! "At your services, your humble but very willing servant!". We found our hands taking each other's clothes off.

I marveled her pale skin as the sun rays were running on it. She was just like I remembered her. Ebony and ivory, the two opposites, harmonically combined in one creature. I ran my fingers on her scars. The pain my lovely girl had been through! All the tension and the passion in me, woke up strongly, as I held her. Her bare skin against mine. More close to me than ever. My hands were scanning her body as she was holding me more and more tightly. Soon we were one as we always were meant to be!

"I think it's time to leave" she was the first to speak. My arms gripped her waist and I said nothing. She was lying on top of me and I felt her weight like feathers on my skin. I could feel her heart beating against mine and that made me utterly happy. I could stay like this forever.

"Robin, I know very well you're not sleeping! Now, let me see the beautiful eyes of yours!". I looked at her with puppy dog eyes. "Neither do I want to leave, my love! But we have to. You know that". She moved her fingers on my lips, after kissing them gently. She had me! "As you command" I obeyed.

We started putting our clothes on and I did my best not to look at her. If I did, I wouldn't be able to remember why we had to leave... And if I could get on with what I had in mind, we wouldn't be decent enough to be around people... I could easily forget anything when she was around. Even my own name.

When we were done, she asked "Where is Little John, by the way?".Before I could react she continued "And correct if I'm wrong but that man, brother-Tuck, said 'the others'. Are there more additions to your gang apart from him? A new girl perhaps?" she said the last part to tease me. I was stunned and tried very hard not to fall on my knees.

All of this caught me off guard and I forgot all the changes that had occurred during her absence. Her long absence! Gizborne and Kate were the new additions to my gang!

Gizborne! My rival, my enemy. The man who attempted to kill her, now was my comrade. Kate! She loved me and I... How the hell was I supposed to explain any of that to her? Would she understand? Could she?

I had no time to waste. "Talk to her. Say something" I thought. I must had a very bad look because she was staring at me worryingly when I brought myself back to reality. "Marian..." I started but then she cut me off. "Ssh". She handed me my sword. "Someone's coming. Could be guards". 'Perfect'.


	5. Clouds above NottinghamShire

**Action on three different scenes! And some trivia. I wrote the last scene, inspired by the magnificent melody "Sorekara" by Shigeru Umebayashi!**

CHAPTER 5: Clouds above Nottingham-Shire

Nottingham town

"Oi! Stop there!" the guard warned. "No one is allowed in" he went on as he tried to place a name on this man's face, but failed. "What do you want here?" "I have business, in the castle, with the Sheriff. If you don't mind..." the stranger smirked and tried to walk past the guard. The guard extended his spear to block his way. "I am sure you do. Actually, if there is someone that the Sheriff has business with, it is a gamin like you! Walk away kid, before I stop being polite!"

"You seem to deserve your wage as a guard of the castle! I'll talk to the Sheriff for you, maybe I will arrange an increase in your income, hmm? But this cannot happen unless you let me in. Now, you tell me how it ends" the man's effrontery was amusing if not agitating. "You are not from here, are you?" he asked, stunned with the stranger's ignorance of Nottingham's state the recent years. No one was accepted in, unless it was a necessity or under the Sheriff's order.

Jerard, the guard, lived in Nottingham his whole life and he had been working there for almost 20 years. He could remember the good days of Sir Arthur, the first Sheriff he knew. Then, there was Sir Edward! 'God rest his soul'. Things were better then, if not good. There was no blood shed without a purpose other than Vaisey's amusement. No innocents were filling the dungeons only to leave them dead or to meet the gallows and die as well.

Jerard was a man of honor and he couldn't deal well with the dishonor that was forced on the guard unit lately. Killing, threatening, abusing, deriding people who could barely make ends meet. The years of his service were many, but he hadn't resigned because he thought that there should be someone who could use sane, among the imbeciles that Vaisey used to hire just to have them killed in three months time. And now with Isabella on power, the guards were more expendable than their arrows.

He shook his head at the thought of the things he was obliged to do, once Vaisey got the Sheriff's position. But he couldn't help a sigh of relief, for the fact that he hadn't been caught the times that he hadn't done as he was told or even better, the times he had acted against the instructions.

The stranger smiled smugly at him. "I am not from here but I have family in Nottingham!".

Jerard's instinct guided him not to trust this man. He was, either a liar and that alone was reprehensible, or frank and him being Sheriff's friend, was not something that Jerard would celebrate. No matter what the case was, Jerard wasn't willing to let this mysterious man wander in Nottingham, if he had any say on that. After all, if the Sheriff wanted indeed to see him, she would have instructed so.

"Let me see if I got it straight. You come here and say to me that you have business with the Sheriff and you expect from me to believe you at face value? I should recommend no more visits at the tavern for the rest of the day, kid. You are already drunk. Now, walk away because your fairytale is getting rather annoying!". Jerard signaled to the other two guards, who were standing farther, to approach and he hopped that this would keep the man away, for some time. It was more than obvious that the stranger wouldn't give up his attempts.

"We shall meet again! Be in no doubt" the man said and chuckled. Jerard wasn't sure if the man spoke that as a threat but it made no difference. What's to fear when you have nothing to lose but your life? A loud thunder made Jerard look up, at the sky and he saw the gray clouds turning to black, ready to pour the raindrops with noise and fury. A storm was coming, he could feel it in his bones since morning. He turned his eyes to the man, to find him still having an expression full of confidence and impudence.

"By the way, my name is Archer!" he whispered and disappeared in the crowd in the marketplace. In his mind, a plan to get in, without any of the guards meddling, was being formed. He hadn't really thought that it would be easy to get in. Not as easy as simply walking in but the idea of making an impression was tempting! He had fun with the old man's reaction!

Archer spent the rest of the day checking the entrances of the castle. He searched for the one that was least visible and crowded. Less crowd means less guards which means less attention, was his plan. The entrance, matching to his preference, was located on the southeast side of the castle. There were two guards there. 'Two are no threat, if it comes to a fight'. He looked the walls of the castle, trying to guess what lied behind them. There was no safe way to know, so he had to risk. 'Usually the odds are in my favor. I hope that they remain that way' he thought.

Nightfall seemed more appropriate for a break in and he waited, not far from there, well hidden behind barrels and deserted wagons. "Who would have thought that I would actually try to get in a castle instead of trying to escape from it, as usually!" he laughed, once again startled with what life had planned for him, as he raised the collar of his tunic to protect himself from the cold rain.

The time came and the guards were ready to be replaced. He took his dagger out, held one medium sized rock on his other hand and waited for the moment that the entrance would be free. One second was more than enough for him to walk in, like a shadow. The guards, unaware of the man hidden in the dark, took their time on the shift and joked with their fellows. Archer, with a wide grin on his face, managed to move around the guards unregarded. When he found himself in the cold corridor of the castle, he waited not and searched for what he was there to find. The powerful Sheriff of Nottingham. His sister. Isabella.

Somewhere in Sherwood forest

Guy was glad for the cool weather. The morning wasn't so promising. Traveling on foot like this, with a light breeze, was pleasant. The only disturbing matter was the odds of a rain. He could see a few clouds in the sky. Born and bred in Nottingham, as he was, he was used to the rainy weather of this place but he had hoped for a dry day for his journey. A horse would be more than helpful and indeed he was planing to get one, but for the time, he enjoyed walking through the forest.

It felt strange. Enjoying something. Enjoying anything. That was all new to Sir Guy of Gizborne. Nothing in his life had prepared him for any kind of joy. Especially the recent months. After he had... Guy was surprised with his _**feelings. **_He was under the impression he had none.

Correction. He had one. The feeling of absence. Absence of everything. He could feel the 'nothing' surrounding him. Could that count for anything? "Who can tell?" he talked to himself and then added more bitterly "Who could I ask?" and he put on his leather gloves. Those gloves were the only thing that he had managed to take with him. The only thing that, somehow, reminded him of who he was.

Former noble man. Former Sheriff's master at arms. Former living creature...

Now he was an outlaw. Now he was a fugitive. Now he was a 'dead man'...

All he could hope for, if hope still existed for him or anyone like him, was the rare moments of not feeling the nothingness of his world. Or these even rarer moments of simple joy. Walking alone, not thinking of the things he should think. Not ruminating of his crimes. The consequences of his abominable actions. The people who suffered those consequences.

Some of his victims were now his comrades. People he had to work with. Live with, even. 'The world is a crazy place to live in' he thought. All of them could have better lives if things were to be different. But they chose to live against the establishment, a false system as he could understand now, so they were condemned in a life under the shadow of Sherwood. It was his doing, alongside with Vaisey's commands, that they were at this situation, but Guy repressed that thought. Again. He never felt comfortable with accepting his guilt. He was taught that way. Not once in all his years, had he done so. 'Well, maybe only once, but...'

If things were different, Little John would be with his family. He was father to a son. Allan would be making a living in any possible way. Much would be a Lord. 'What a notion' Guy laughed at the mental picture. Tuck would be anywhere doing the exact same thing he had already been up to! And Kate would have her life, whatever that might be.

"And Hood would..." he let himself speak the name of the man, whom for a long time, he hated and envied the most in his life. "He wasn't supposed to be an outlaw either. He had everything, once". He had everything Guy wanted. A lordship, lands, standing, power, people's appreciation and respect. And of course her.

'Marian. The love of my life, had always been his' Guy sighed. 'No matter what I did or said, she left no part of her for me. Everything was meant for him'. It seemed unfair to Guy, for all his attempts to win her heart, that Robin had her to admire him, to believe in him, to love him, to protect him even by risking her own life.

Guy never thought that Robin deserved any of that. 'However, did _**I **_deserve her even for one second? No! Definitely no! I had killed her. More than once, and in more ways than I thought it was possible to hurt someone. I forced her to do things, I humiliated her, I torched her house, I had her imprisoned. And of course I stabbed her. Twice. And yet I claimed, I loved her...' he shook his head.

For months, Guy tried to understand Allan's reasons but only lately, that he got to live with them, he saw why the man came back. He was happy. Without money, without power. Just with his friends. His family. He could live in honor with them in that small wooden camp. And there was Guy, witness to something he had considered to be impossible. But again; the crazy world he lived in!

'Even as an outlaw, Allan is more honorable than I'd ever been in all my years as a man amongst nobles. And all that because of his also honorable friends. Where could I take honor from? Vaisey? Or Prince John? Or perhaps my _**dear**_ sister?' his thoughts had already gone on the unwanted 'path'.

"How pathetic a supposed-noble life can turn out to be, after all!" was the last thing he allowed himself to say on the subject.

While he was walking, pondering on his life, he heard a noise. A plea for help. He saw a woman lying under a tree with a boy, not older than three, on her laps and a young man standing next to her with an expressionless face. "Please..." the woman spoke with effort. "The... boy". Guy knew nothing of good deeds. Trusting his instinct wasn't helpful either. What could he do?

There was no time to think, because the boy got up and ran to him. "She is sick. Help her". The boy was looking at him with big, teary eyes. "Is she your mother?" he asked the child. "No. Help her" the boy repeated in the same tone and tried to pull Guy closer to the woman. "Fine. Stay here" Guy spoke harshly and the boy took a few steps back. He looked scared. 'Scaring a child only in a few seconds! That had not happened for a long time' Guy thought. Cracking a smile to make amends, seemed a good idea and it actually worked because the boy wasn't looking so scared anymore. Guy impressed with himself and his unexpected success, moved closer to the other two.

As he did, he saw the man not moving from his spot. He was just standing there with his arms crossed on his his chest. "What happened to her?" he asked. The man looked startled, like he had heard a foreign language. The woman, slowly, opened her eyes. "He has no... tongue" she tried to swallow, before adding "Sheriff". Guy fought with the feeling of sickness that was spreading through his body.

"My mistress. She... and ...his mother... wanted me to..." she couldn't go on. "Where is she? The mother?" Guy asked, worried that the woman wouldn't live long enough to explain herself. "She is … dead" she whispered so that the boy wouldn't listen. "The boy doesn't know" Guy stated. The woman nodded. Guy looked at the man, who was staring the child. He could see sorrow in the black eyes of that strange man, who, however, was scary due to the tension of his look. He seemed to have understood the grief, though. What was wrong with him, Guy thought.

"Where were you taking him to? Why did you start this journey in this bad state?" he helped her drink some water. "There... was... no one... else" words were coming out with difficulty. "What about him? Couldn't he take care of the boy?". The woman smiled faintly. "He is a... good man. But ...his mind ...is ill. He cannot..." "All right. I see" Guy said and glanced the man. It made sense now. He indeed looked like he wasn't there, with them, the entire time. His body was present, but his mind was 'gone' for some seconds.

"Rest now and we will..." Guy turned to the woman. She interrupted him "We... have... no... time" she gasped for air. "Take... him... to... Please... Don't... leave ...him …alone" her eyes, right before the end, opened wide and her lungs sent the last breath to her lips. "Where to? Whom to?" Guy asked before he realized what had happened. He was left with a three-year-old, a mute man and no clue of what he was supposed to do. 'Great' he thought.

The boy's little hand, touched his arm and Guy turned to face him. "Is she sleeping?" he asked. "She is..." Guy started to speak but changed his mind. He couldn't tell the boy that the last person that he had to care for him, was dead. "Yes" he lied and got to his feet. "We will leave her here?". He was caught unaware by the boy's words. The child was sure that Guy would be the one to take him. Then he remembered the woman's words. _**'Don't leave him alone'**_. 'And do what with him?' he wondered. The boy's eyes were fixed on him and he had a decision to make. Guy took a good look at the man on his right and realized that the decision had already been made.

"No" Guy replied and turned to the mute man. "You must bury her. Do you understand me? Bury her" he spoke in low voice and pretending he was holding a shovel, he showed what he meant. "I will take the boy. All right?" The man nodded and walked to the child. He hugged him and then went by the woman's side.

"Come" Guy told the boy. "Good bye!" the boy called as Guy took him in his arms and started walking on the path. "Will I see him soon?" the boy asked. Guy knew that the boy, the most likely, would never see the man again but he found himself unable to tell him so. It seemed that the kid would miss this man. "Maybe..." was the best lie that Guy think of. The boy looked sad. Guy felt sickness again, in his heart this time. "What was his name?" he asked. The boy shook his head. 'Well, a man with no tongue, who probably doesn't know writing, cannot communicate in order to introduce himself' he thought.

"Why can't he come too?" the boy asked wanly. "I cannot look after both of you. You, alone, are more than I can take" Guy answered coldly and thought how unqualified for these kind of things, he was. Sensitivity was never his strong point.

"What is your name?" the boy asked a couple of minutes later. "Guy" he responded with a forced smile, relieved that the child wasn't turning in on himself. He had no idea how to deal with the questions that he knew children were constantly asking, but he thought that the whole situation would be easier if the boy wasn't mad at him.

"I am Seth" the boy said. "Good name" Guy smiled, with less effort this time.

The sky was darker, black clouds hovering above the forest. The rain soon started and Guy put his cloak over Seth's head to protect him from the bad weather. Seth rested his head against Guy's shoulder and fell asleep with a calmness which Guy felt jealous of. For the first time, Guy knew what a good deed was all about.

Outlaws' Camp

"John! John, are you here?" Much called. "What is it?" the big man appeared at the entrance. "Look who we ran into!" Allan laughed and with a bow, he took one step on his left so that the three guests would be seen! "Will! Djaq!" John yelled and with one movement he took both of them in an tight embrace. "Oi John! We enjoy the enthusiasm but we would appreciate a few breaths" Will said and John laughed loudly and he was heard all over the forest. He held them close to his body for a few more seconds and said nothing. If he would try to say one word, even the smallest of all words, he would cry. And that, John didn't like!

"And the surprise is even bigger...!" Much said. "Who came?" Kate asked and came out to see what all of them were so excited about. "Come, come" John motioned for her to approach.

"I am Djaq. This is Will and the blond with the cheeky grin is Carter" Djaq walked to Kate. Will and Carter smiled at her warmly. John went to greet Carter. "It is good to see you're in one piece" "One big, scathed piece!" Carter replied and showed him some of his scars, old and new, and he had a lot of both.

"I am Kate. I have heard so much about all of you!" she was happy that she finally had the chance to meet the whole gang. She knew the story of their separation and she also knew that this was a topic that no one, in the gang, could talk about. "Where is Robin?" she asked when she realized that the leader was missing. "I cannot believe that he left his friends!". John was as surprised as Kate was. "Yes where could he go on a day like this?" he asked.

That moment Much saw the whole picture. Robin/Marian and of course Robin/Kate. 'Kate! How could we forget Kate?' he thought. Allan's face fell when he met Much's equally worried look. Tuck, who had already considered of that implication, patted Allan's shoulder. "We will deal with this" he whispered to him but Allan didn't return the optimism. "If you say so!" he mumbled. Much tried to say something but gave up the effort. Allan didn't even bother to respond to Kate.

Djaq, Will and Carter, even though the last didn't know them so well, felt the unease of their friends. They also noticed that John didn't share their feelings. Once Djaq saw that no one would explain, she felt even more anxious. 'Even Much?'. The man, the way she remembered him, wouldn't stop talking of the great miracle that Marian's survival was.

"He is with the big part of our surprise!" Will said with a huge grin in a poor attempt to fix the mood of his companions. A grin which only Carter mimicked, followed by a faint smile by a puzzled Djaq. Allan and Much were silent, staring the ground. Djaq was studying them and then looked at Tuck. He appeared to be calm but a face reader like her, couldn't miss a troubled mind below the surface. "What is going on?" John asked, when he realized that something serious was escaping him.

"Why don't we wait for Robin and...? I mean we should..." Allan suggested without convincing anyone that he was as contained as he wanted to sound. "Are you out of your mind? We cannot wait that long. We must tell it now" Much protested firmly. "Fine. Go ahead. Say it, if you can" Allan answered angrily. Tuck took the matter in his hands. "Stop it! None of you is helping!" he almost screamed and Djaq's fear for something bad was confirmed but she still was in darkness.

Kate, John, Will and Carter were looking at him more confused than ever. This was supposed to be a happy day for everyone but it didn't turn out that way. "Why" was the question, written on their faces. Tuck addressed only to Kate. He didn't want to be the one to say this to her but he had no other option. Quick and straight. A clean cut, he thought. "Robin's wife, Marian, wasn't killed as we thought. She came back with them. Robin is with her at the moment" he spoke in low but steady voice. John's mouth fell open.

Carter asked Allan why Tuck was talking only to Kate. Will asked Much why Kate was crying. Djaq feared to ask why Kate was gone. She thought she might had a clue.

_**A couple of hours later**_

"Are you..." "Am I what? All right? What do you think, Much?" Kate was still sore. "I just..." he tired to apologize. "Just leave me alone. I will be fine. I promise. It was never meant to happen. Now it is clear" she told him more calmly this time. "It is about to rain and you shouldn't stay out" Much told her but she didn't seem eager to take his advice. "You go now and I will get there later. I really need to be... alone" she forced a smile and turned to leave but Much wouldn't just let her suffer alone. "Let's walk home. Come" he put his arm over her shoulder and she buried her face in his neck, feeling too weak to resist. "There, there. Cry" he told her and slowly guided her back at the camp.

Once Allan narrated the doings of the gang Djaq spoke "She is... and Robin has...". She was trying, very hard, to picture in her mind what she had heard. No matter what she had thought, hearing the real story was unbelievable. "It is not that simple. He was alone. Miserable. Suffering. You should have seen him on our first days back home. He was nothing like the way we know him. This... I mean Kate, she helped a lot. She..." Allan said. That moment Kate and Much walked in. "Sit here. I will bring you some soup" Much pointed the closest, to the fire, spot.

"So Kate, how do you like being here?" Carter asked her and she looked at him with wonder. "A! I have a great story to tell you. The day I met these people. You're gonna like it!" he said and told her every bit of that day's events. Even the killing, Carter managed to make it sound less grievous and the story was amusing in an absolutely weird way, leaving the audience with the warm feeling of a friendship that bloomed through the tragedy. Kate repeated the phrase "_**Laughing on the wrong side of my face! **_That was a good one" she said, drinking her soup. "I told you you'd like it" he winked at her. "He never gets tired of saying how great he was when he faced the Sheriff!" Djaq commented and smiled kindly at Kate.

Then, Robin and Marian got in the camp. John got up to hug Marian. "You I missed!" he said and held her tightly, like he had done with Will and Djaq. But this time he was trying to make sure she was alive. The thought of him carrying her, wounded, was very vivid in his mind. He glanced Robin and smiled. Robin knew what that look meant. 'You got your wife back! I know how you feel'. "I missed you too Little John. More than I can tell!" she said. John was like a father figure to Marian and though he bore little resemblance to her dear father, he reminded her of him a lot.

Robin was still holding her hand. Form the moment he 'found' her again, he hadn't let go of her. Marian searched with her eyes for the blond girl. "You must be Kate" she smiled, warmly, at her. "Yes" Kate's weak voice was barely heard. "It's nice to meet you" Marian walked to her and took her hand. "It is very nice to meet you" she repeated. Kate didn't know how to react. The woman she had in front of her, seemed honestly happy with her acquaintance. 'Doesn't she know about me and...' she wondered and tried to mouth a 'thank you' but that sounded stupid. "It's nice to meet you too" she answered and smiled shyly. The two women shared a look and Marian went to sit with Djaq and Much in the kitchen area. She and Robin, like Kate, had spent more time in the rain than they should have and they ran the risk of catching a cold. Djaq offered some soup to both of them.

Robin asked Kate how she was and she nodded. They wouldn't have that conversation there, but he couldn't just ignore her. Kate was dealing with the new situation better than he had hoped for. Marian too. He smiled to himself and Allan who was standing next to him chuckled. "It seems we have a crowded camp! We'd better, first thing in the morning, find a way to accommodate four more people here" he said and Will grinned at him. "My thoughts exactly" he replied.

Robin sat across from Marian. He could see her talking, smiling, breathing and it was the most pleasant thing he had experienced for a long time. The cup was in his hands, almost untouched, and only Much's threatening looks reminded him to drink the soup. He needed no food. He had what he needed. Marian alive and there with him...

"_Someone's coming. Could be guards" she said.'Perfect' Robin thought. There was a threat coming after them and his mind was occupied with other things. It was time for the lover to leave his place to the soldier, the hero, the man that he had vowed he would be. With a look, he asked for his bow and sword. "Wait here" he told her order-like. The soldier's eyes never left the weapon in his hand. The hero felt the string of his bow on his shoulder. He was who he had to be. He ran to the direction of the noise and he noticed a group of five guards riding, on their way to Nottingham. "Five against two" he whispered and instantly thought of a plan on how to deal with them. That moment, the lover cried in his mind. 'Remember what happened the last time...' This was a fight that he had to escape from, for her. By no means, would he risk her life. The lover was relieved. There was another way..._

"Did you meet the guards on the north road?" Robin asked. "Yes, but no problem! Even our rusty friends could fight!" Allan laughed and Will threw at him an angry look! "You think this was our first battle for months?" he added... "Hear this..."

_She could see his tensed eyes. She could hear his heavy breathing. But most of all, she could feel him. He was nervous, feisty and she didn't know how to put him at rest. 'Tell me what you need me to do! What is troubling you?' she thought but had no nerve to put her thoughts into words. There was a thorn in her heart. Something, warning her not to ask. Something, preventing her from seeking the truth. "Lets go"he said. She followed her husband, the man she loved. The time she had spent away from him, taught her one thing. She could follow him anywhere. Or was it just the fact that she had missed him so much that she was so unwilling to leave him even for one second?  
_

"Things have changed a lot, I gather!" Djaq stated. "Vaisey is dead, for one. And Gizborne is the one who killed him! How did that happened?". Allan was the one, like before, who told the story. "It was very dramatic!..."

_Marian and Robin walked, again in silence, and when there was nothing but the normal sounds of the forest-life around them, they stopped. Marian looked at the sky and saw black clouds hanging up there, on invisible strings. Any poke on them and there would be a flood! She had never been afraid of shafts or thunders but the thorn in her heart was overwhelming._

"Is Gizborne really part of the gang now?" Will asked and shook his head. He couldn't believe that any of this was true. At the thought of having Gizborne under the same roof with Djaq, he felt nervous. He wasn't sure if the camp was the safe place he knew. For the first time since he made it a long time ago, Will doubted his decision to come back. "Will, things are not so bad..." Tuck started explaining.

_Robin felt no better himself. Now that the crisis was over, the worried lover was back. "Thank you" he said and stroke her face. Her skin, warm and soft, reminded him that she was alive and not a vision. Marian was confused and he explained "Earlier, I asked you to wait for me and you did. Thank you" he sighed. "I told you I can learn to take orders!" "You trust me then?" "How could I not to? How could I marry you without a little trust in you? I trust my life within your hands". __Still ill at ease, he was looking at her, searching in his mind for a way to he tell her the story of his life from the day when they were parted. 'She said she trusted me...' he sighed before he said "I want you to know one thing and one thing only. You are my wife and I love you. Promise me you'll never forget that, no matter what happens"._

"Amazing! You mean that, this man Heran was there the whole time and saw everything?" Much was stunned with the news. Will kissed Djaq's hand and they both laughed with the way Much said the man's name. "Hersan. His name is Hersan. And yes he was. Thank God he was there with..."

"_Robin, what is...?" "Just promise me". There was a simple nod from Marian. She was startled with his words and his unusual behavior since she had heard the guards coming. He had this awfully bad look on his face, the day he had announced his decision to follow the King to the Holy Land. 'No way! There is no way he would say anything even remotely sorrowful like that day's announcement'. She tried to repress the negative thoughts and to focus on her breathing. It was getting more and more difficult to simply inhale and exhale... But any thought on that matter, paused when Robin's lips caressed Marian's._

"You must be joking! Carter how could you fall for that trick?" Allan asked about Carter's unfortunate incident with the thieves. "We had a great laugh!" Will laughed again at the thought. "You should had been there to see him trying..."

_A feverish kiss put an end to reason. To Marian, that kiss felt like it was meant to be their last. To Robin, that kiss had to include the kisses of a lifetime. Neither of them wanted to break free from the embrace. The world could come to its end, for all they cared... There were more black clouds 'traveling' in the sky, hiding the light. The wind was stronger, colder but the couple felt nothing. Noticed nothing. No darkness. no cold._

"You have traveled to the end of the world and I have not been out of Nottingham-shire!" Kate was fascinated with the stories of her new friends. She remembered what was the reason that had brought them there and regret the thought. "The next time you'll come with us. But it has to be a happy occasion!" Allan told her and Carter thought of some occasions, ideal for trips...

"_We need to talk. There are things that you need to know..." Robin said. In the next hour, he told her about Gizborne... About Kate... About Isabella. Marian was standing speechless. Their tears were mixed with the raindrops that were falling on their faces... Robin held her face in his hands and kissed her. She let herself rest in his arms. She wanted to feel the love that she was deprived of, all that time. He still couldn't believe that she was alive..._

Robin was looking at Marian. He still couldn't believe that she was alive. He thought he'd never would.

**PS; In the last scene the words in italics are flashbacks of Robin and Marian in the forest (where we had left them in chapter 4). The rest is real time! **


	6. Matter of Life and nonDeath

Chapter 6: Matter of Life and non-Death

"Guards!" she called at the top of her lungs, rage all over her face and body. "Where the hell are they?". Their incompetence was so vexing! She stood in front of the fireplace. The anger in her green eyes was getting more vivid as the flames illuminated her face.

"Do you, by any chance, have news for me? Anything that proves that I am not standing alone amongst idiots?" she spoke to the man but never laid eyes on him. The notion of dealing with her ill mood again, made him shiver. "I am afraid not, my Lady" he cleared his throat and added, with great fear, "Unfortunately, there is nothing new about our concerns".

The woman turned to face him and she had the look of a murderer. The scared man was sure that she had the hand of a murderer too. "Our concerns? Are they yours too, then? That, surely, comes as a surprise! You left me to believe that you cared not. How else should I interpret your idleness?" she quested but any answer meant little to her.

"My Lady, I am doing..." "Let me guess! You are doing the best you can, are you not? Well if that is true, your best is far worse than I feared! Don't bother your tiny brain with excuses. I want Hood and Gizborne, in chains. That is the order and if you fail this time, pay attention now; _**you**_ will be with a noose around your neck and because I want two hangings, you will be hanged twice! Off my sight now» she threatened him in the most even-tempered voice ever spoken.

The man got out of the room trembling, wordless with her incredible talent to move from dander to peace on the scale of human emotions, with such ease. He didn't breath properly until he was out, in open air.

She was alone again. It was time to let the pain get the best of her. No more pretense. No more disguise. She was the frightened girl who became, overnight, an aggrieved woman. How much she had wished for things to be different.

"Life wasn't supposed to be so hard for a child. But, back then, I was considered, by others, to be no child. I was considered to be a possession which could be sold, mistreated and I should never complain. I was just a girl, when I was forced to find a way to get through hell" she whispered and held close to her heart the only token from her childhood. A ring that her mother had given her.

But pain wasn't solitary. It had an old and inseparable friend; Hatred... Her heart held hatred for so many years, that it felt like second nature to her. She detested those who brought her to misery but she hated those who didn't care for her, as well.

"But unlike what others believe for me, I am capable of compassion for those who truly deserve it" she spoke again, as if expecting an answer or a nod of agreement from the shadow on the wall, behind her. Her own shadow. For years, that shadow was her only companion.

"Where did the girl I used to be go? Why did she have to be gone?" she cried when she heard noise on the corridor.

"Why can't they just be useless without causing any more trouble with their stupidity?". The Sheriff yelled and rushed to the door. Before she could open it, someone else did. A man came in and smiled at her, closing the door. She tried to scream for help, but he had already his dagger on her heart and with his other hand, he grabbed her around her waist and turned her so that the back of her head was on his chest.

"Ssh. Easy now. You'll be quiet and I'll not hurt you. All-right?" Archer told her and she thought to obey. For the time, he was the one with the upper hand but this could change. Until then... She nodded.

"Who are you and what do you want in the Sheriff's quarters?" Isabella demanded when he lowered his dagger and allowed her to step away. Archer, sure of himself, perhaps more than he should be, let the dagger fall on the floor. It certainly would be more tricky to get his weapon in hand if necessary, but he acted that way for a reason. His first priority was to make Isabella trust him and he had to look harmless in order to do so.

"Looking for the Sheriff, obviously. That is you I presume. My respects, my Lady" he said and bowed deeply, the smile never leaving his handsome face. It was certain then, to Isabella, that he wouldn't harm her. He wanted other things.

She could easily sense a man craving for either blood or money and power and the difference was significant. Through her days, she had learned how to read the signs and the man in front of her had all those signs written on his face. Money and power, his eyes screamed. In case he did try to hurt her, though, she had a few ways to change his mind or his target...

"You found what you're looking for. Now tell me your name and if you value your life, don't make me ask for the third time" she replied and turned her back to him again. With a gentle movement, that his eyes didn't catch, she brought the dagger which was hidden in her sleeve, down in her palm.

"My name is Archer and I feel obliged to inform you that those guards of yours are of no use. You would be more protected with a few needlewomen holding bodkins than you are with them" he laughed. Indeed, he faced no challenge to get past them. "My guards are not your concern. You are here but you won't be for long, so use your time wisely and tell me why you came to find me" she looked at him, already bored.

"I was held prisoner in York when..." he started but she raised a hand to interrupt him. "Make this a short story or I will call for the next duet of my disposable guards. And another. And another, until you'll get tired of playing games or... you drop dead" she told him and sat on her chair.

Archer was listening to her and recognized his own character, in the aggressive way she spoke. 'It must have something to do with the bloodline' he thought and then said in firm voice "My mother is Lady Gislain of Gizborne and my father is Lord Malcom of Locksley. I believe you are familiar with both of them, and I don't have to say what has already been implied_**"**_.

Isabella approached him slowly. He expected her reaction. The news he brought wasn't easy for anyone to deal with. When she was close enough, she placed the dagger on his throat. "I'll have your head for this... _**tale**_ but before I do, tell me. Who tricked the cute, little head of yours with such nonsense?" she glared at him as she pressed the dagger a little harder against his skin, causing a small cut.

Archer winced and tried to think as soberly as he could under the circumstances. It wasn't the first time he was in a situation like this, but he knew no way of getting out of it without making Isabella his enemy and that was the last thing he wanted! Telling everything at once, was the best idea.

"I am telling the truth. Guy, our mother's son and a brother to both of us, along with Robin, my father's son, came to find me in York. They told me that they were my brothers" Isabella hearing these names, took a moment to think and removed the dagger.

"See, if you had let me tell this story properly, we would have skipped the dagger-on-my-throat part" he said with relief. "I wouldn't be so sure about that. The dagger can easily go back to your throat, or deeper, in no time. Just tempt me and you'll see. Now tell me the story properly!".

Archer had prepared every detail of his story and he narrated it with pauses, when necessary, and with emotional voice. Isabella heard carefully to all of it and when he was done, she motioned for him to get closer. "Now, _**brother,**_ what is it that you want?"

"Where are we going?" Seth asked for the fifth time and Guy, like the other four times, ignored the little 'man' who had climbed on his shoulders but the boy wasn't discouraged. He hadn't stop talking since he had opened his eyes.

Through the night, he hadn't slept at all and now he felt his body sore and his mind confused. He had started a journey with a purpose but that seemed less and less doable. 'I must take him back to the camp' he decided. 'They would know what to do'. He couldn't believe that Robin, or his friends, would deny assistance to a child.

"Are we going to your house?" Seth asked and Guy barely held his laugh. "Something like that" he replied and added "Do you like the forest?" "I do" Seth said joyfully. "Good, because we are not leaving it" Guy said. "Why?" "Because my home is here" "Why here?" Seth asked again and Guy frowned. His life in the forest was a complicated issue. How could he explain it to a child and more importantly, how could Seth understand?

"Many reasons" he told him loosely. "With your family?" Seth went on with his questions. "Sort of" Guy mumbled and thought of the gang. He imagined their faces if they could hear him calling them his family. Even _**sort of a family.**_

"Hey!" Seth screamed and Guy, startled, almost lost his balance. Seth had seen a squirrel, running on a low branch. He was so excited with how the animal's tail was moving, that he started patting Guy's head with his little hands, to get his attention. "Oi!" Guy cried. "What are you doing?" he stopped walking. "See there! On the tree!". Seth, without losing any of his enthusiasm, called for Guy to follow with his look, his finger as he pointed at the small animal on the tree.

Guy put Seth down and shot an irritated look at him. "A squirrel is no reason to hit someone, young man". Seth ignored him. His infallible, childish instinct 'told' him that the man who was now angry, wouldn't be in that state for too long, and ran to the tree. And he couldn't be more right. Guy, once he saw Seth running recklessly to the tree, was no more angry but sick with worry.

He could remember his own attempts to climb on trees, in early age, and the results of those attempts. Many injured parts and a broken leg. "Get back here, boy" Guy called for him but, in vain. "Help me" Seth begged and Guy, not able to refuse, got the child again on his shoulders. 'Why am I doing this?' he shook his head. Seth reached the branch and tried to take the squirrel in his hands but the animal, scared to death, ran away.

"He's gone now and so must we" Guy helped Seth to stand on his feet. "I wanted him" he cried. "We are close. Come". "We are?" Seth's eyes were bright with excitement again. As any child, he could forget one disappointment with the promise of a new thrill. "Yeah!" he screamed and started running on the path.

Soon they reached the camp. It looked deserted and Guy felt glad for the moments of peace, the empty camp could offer. "Is this your house?" Seth asked once he saw the interior of the camp and it was obvious that he was impressed. Guy sat on his bunk and stretched his legs. "Yes. This is it. How do you like it?" he asked and smiled at the boy. He could see Seth's joy and he felt the same joy, rising in him too.

Just the laugh of the little boy could, even for a moment, make Guy's heart feel like an ordinary man's heart. Calm and free of guilt. That puzzled him but he couldn't speculate about it. It was a sound, that stopped him.

A voice. A female voice. A voice that could no longer be heard.

He motioned for Seth to sit on the bunk and don't move. The child did as he was told. Guy took his sword and moved out of the camp.

He saw a woman and her dark hair falling, like a waterfall, on her shoulders. She slowly turned to face him. There was a smile on her face which faded, when their eyes met.

'She looks exactly like HER. Those deep-blue eyes, the red lips, the pale complexion. Every single feature on that woman's face is identical to HER'S' he thought. To a woman who was lost forever.

"Marian" he murmured. "Guy" she called and this time the voice brought memories from far away, both in time and space. _"I would rather die than be with you, Guy of Gizborne. I'm going to marry Robin Hood. I love Robin Hood! I love Robin Hood". Then a blade. She fell. I left. She died. She died. SHE DIED..._

He got lost in his thoughts and held his head in both hands. He thought he was losing his mind.. How could he not to? Everything in front of his eyes was pointing at this direction. A crushing headache was threatening what of his sanity was saved.

Marian was standing there frozen, not prepared for what she now had to deal with.

A ghost sent to punish him, as Guy understood this situation. "Well, if that is what I have to suffer then..." he whispered. "Maybe after this test, my personal version of hell on this earth will finally come to an end".

But as he stared, it didn't feel like a punishment anymore. Watching her was pleasant, just like any other time, soothing. 'What if she is the angel my death?' Should that be the case, he only wished that death would have come earlier to take him. 'What if she has come to take my life? Wasn't it always her's to take?'.

Once again, like any other time that Marian had found herself in stressful situations, her breathing was uneven. She was staring at him and she tried to figure out what the best approach of the situation was. While doing that, she couldn't help but realize that Guy wasn't the one she remembered.

The man had changed, all this time. Longer hair, black circles under his eyes, no confidence in his look. Just like how Allan had described him to her. Not nearly close to the fearless man in black leathers who was ruling Nottingham, that her memory knew.

The sword fell from his hand and Guy tried to touch her but she jerked away, instantly. "Don't be afraid of me" he said in a way that Marian thought it was impossible for him. Tender and mild. For some singular reason, though, she was more afraid of him than she had ever been. She repressed that fear once she realized that Guy was the one she should be thinking of. 'He needs my help'.

He couldn't stop looking at her but the way she was returning the look, was doleful. There was dread in her eyes and he hated himself for that. 'How can I hurt an angel?'.

Marian swallowed with difficulty. She wouldn't run, no matter how much every part of her mind was urging her body to leave. She knew that rejecting his touch was a mistake. He clearly thought her to be a ghost but a touch could make him see truth.

"Guy, I am fine. I am alive. Can you hear me?" she tried to smile but Guy didn't seem to be paying any attention to her. All of her efforts to help him, were wasted.

Why would she lie to an already confounded man, he thought devastated. 'Is she tricking me to believe that I hadn't actually killed her? That I am not the monster I know I am? Yes. And when I will accept it and I will try to live for a second without guilt, she will throw the lacerative truth to me, only to torture me a thousand times more'. He could feel the stabbing pain in his head getting worse...

Suffering the punishment of her image which reminded him of what he had done, was severe but what seemed to be coming to him, was excruciating. He turned to leave but his steps wouldn't take him far away. He had forgotten everything. His life the recent weeks, his brother, the boy he had met. Nothing bore meaning. Guy just wanted an end. And he was determined to make it happen.

"Go away. Please, just go away!" he cried and took the knife from his belt. "Forgive me my love..." he murmured. He held it tightly and moved it to his body with force. Before he could cut his flesh, Guy felt a pair of hands stopping him from behind.

"What in the name of God are you doing?" Marian screamed. She had gotten the knife and took a few steps away to make sure that Guy wouldn't attempt to retrieve it. 'Can an angel touch me while I am still alive?' No coherent thoughts came to him and he gave up trying to think, altogether.

Marian was looking at him with empty eyes. She had no idea what to feel anymore. Within a few minutes, she had to face the man who had tried to kill her. Moreover, she had to prevent him from committing suicide. And it was just her second day back home...

Then Robin's voice materialized in the forest, calling "Marian? Marian? Was that you? Are you all-right?" Marian felt relieved and took a deep breath. Having her dear husband close would make this daytime-nightmare more endurable. As always, Robin had the ability to pacify her like nobody else could. This was one of his many qualities that she had fallen in love with.

Guy, on the other hand, was more upset than he had been before. 'Hood is part of my torturous ending, too? Well, that shouldn't be a total surprise!' But something, about this situation, felt deadly wrong to Guy.

Robin was still out of sight. Moments later, he was next to them. He hadn't expected Guy to be back so soon. He had hoped that there would be more time to prepare Marian for her meeting with the man who was the reason of their long separation. He sighed and looked at Marian, then at Guy. His eyebrows narrowed as he tried to find a way to explain the ineffable story of Marian's miraculous survival.

Guy looked at Robin. He looked just like the way he did the previous day, when Guy had left the camp. The same man. Not a ghost. Definitely not a ghost. If Guy had sensed before that he was losing his mind, now he was sure he had already lost it.

Unless... 'Unless Marian is indeed alive. And if he is here now with her, then he knows... He knew from the beginning... He knew and he lied about her death' Guy was gripped by rage. He thought he had been lied to.

Lies coming from someone who Guy expected that would, at least, have the decency to respect a man in grief. In Guy's point of view, Robin had played the most nasty game with his feelings and he would pay for that. Guy took his sword and holding it in position for a fight, attacked Robin.

There was a cry and then deafening silence.

There was someone lying on the ground motionless.

There were two figures standing.

There were drops of blood on the ground.

"_You are late" he said and pointed at the sky "and the sun agrees with me". "I know we said to meet before noon but I couldn't escape earlier" she replied, no intention in her voice to apologize for something that wasn't her fault._

"_He still sends his guards to bully you?" Robin asked with darkened mood and opened his arms to hold her, as Marian dismounted her horse. "Yes. Every other day, I wake up to find guards on my doorstep. I cannot imagine anything worse than being kept captive in my own home". It was a few weeks after she her 'almost' wedding and Guy wasn't very discreet with his anger._

_She glanced Robin and stroke his face. "Now what?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "You can put me down" "Right. No more captivity for you today!" he grinned and let her step on the ground._

"_Any news?" he asked and led her to a fallen bole. "The children in Clun are getting better and the disease in no more spreading" "Good. Same in Locksley and Nettlestone" he sounded relieved. He hadn't slept for three days, going from village to village to visit the families with sick children._

_Marian noticed his tired look. "You shouldn't have come today. You need rest" "I will rest when I'll die. Until that moment, I will be helping as much as I can" he closed his eyes and leaned back, holding her hand on his heart. "You do have a very annoying habit" she said and cupped his face. "What?" he asked. "You always try to make your death sound romantic" she laughed. "Any hero that respects himself, does so" he answered, laughing too._

_They sat in silence for a while. Then Robin spoke and his tone was serious. "This cannot go on forever" he meant the constant threat that 'Sir Guy' was. "What can we do other than wait?" "You know my offer. Come with me". She turned her eyes away from him, not wanting to discuss the same subject again. _

"_Fine, but we still have to find a way to protect you from him" he insisted. "Don't you think you are exaggerating?". He looked at her with eyes wide open. "Robin, he won't do anything extreme!" she said. "Oh, I am sorry! I thought we were talking about the man who stabbed you and nearly got you killed but apparently we are not!" Robin got up, annoyed with her 'politeness' towards the man he hated the most. 'The man that both of us should hate!'._

"_This is insane" she cried and followed him back on the path. "This man is dangerous. As long as you are blind to this, we have a problem" "He won't hurt me..." Marian tried to explain her thoughts but Robin interrupted her. "He **has **hurt you. And he will do it again because you turned him down. He is a murderer, Marian, even if you are trying not to see it"._

_Marian sighed and gave him a few seconds to calm. "He wouldn't... He has feelings for me" she whispered. "And he proves them how? He might didn't know it was you that he stabbed but you saw him. He wanted to kill. How a man like him can be any good?" he said back in high voice. "Don't get ridiculous. Guy may doesn't know how to express his feeling or how to manage them but this doesn't mean he has none!" she tried to reason with him._

"_I will never believe that Gizborne is capable of feeling anything good, let alone love, for any human being" Robin said and buried his face in her hair and kissed the top of her head. "He can learn. Once he is given the chance, he can learn" Marian replied._

"_You insist on your beliefs" he gazed into her blue eyes. "Only when I am sure". Then she glanced up at the sky and smiled. "What?" he asked. "Do you know what else I am sure of?". He looked at her questioningly. "I am sure that it is time for me to go" "Already?" he asked disappointed and then raised his head to see the sun. "Yes and the sun agrees with me!" she said._


	7. Calls from the past

Chapter 7 : Calls from the past

People have time when they need it the least and they lack of it when it is the only thing they wish they had. There are situations in which things happen so quickly, that it takes time for someone to register what they have seen but there is no time to do so.

Robin, having spent four years in the battlefield, knew that fact very well. Numerous cases of such kind, he could think of. His mind struggling to work, in the process of realizing the course of action he had to take.

That was what he had to face now.

The instant he saw Guy running towards him, Robin maneuvered in order to avoid the attack. Before Guy could make his final movement, Marian was right behind him and hit him hard on the back of his head with the hilt of her sword.

Guy grunted in pain and lost his balance. The sword fell from his hand as he fell down. It spun in the air and scratched Robin's arm.

It was all over in a split second. Robin tried to catch his breath. If he had been standing a few inches to the right, he would be dead now. Marian was staring, with terrified eyes, at Guy who was lying motionless on the ground between them.

"Is he... dead?" she spoke in hoarse voice. Her knuckles were white because she was holding the sword very tightly. "Did I kill him?" "No. He's just unconscious" Robin told her, after checking Guy's pulse.

His arm was bleeding, but he scarcely felt any pain. "Calm down" he said and tried to take the sword from her but she didn't allow him. "Marian, let me take this". She shook her head and held it even more tightly.

"There is no danger now, my love" Robin's soft voice spoke again and he caressed her hair. Guy's still figure was all she could see. Eventually, Marian let the sword fall in Robins hands and she buried her head in his chest. His arms around her neck, his lips kissing the top of her head.

Marian expected to be comforted in Robin's embrace but instead, she got more anxious. Robin's sleeve touching her skin and it was wet. She didn't remember him getting close to water, so...

"Robin what happened?" she, quickly, took one step back. "Oh my … Are you hurt?" she cried. Robin smiled at her. "Nothing to be alarmed about, my love". He rolled his sleeve up and showed her the small cut. "See? Just a scratch. It won't even leave a scar" "How...?" she whispered, wondering how she had not noticed that earlier.

"Doesn't matter" he said and he covered his wound. "We need to clean it, Robin. Bring some water and I will search for Djaq's bandages" she walked to the camp but Robin stopped her. "We need to take care of him" he reminded her. Marian, reluctantly, let her eyes fall on Guy again. That problem was too much for her to cope with.

"Are you sure that I didn't..." Marian spoke below her breath. "Marian, look at me" he said briskly, but then added more softly. "He is fine. He will soon wake up. Did you hear me, love?". She nodded but fear wasn't entirely gone. 'I could have killed him' she thought and felt the blood, running hot through her veins.

"Guy" Seth called. Marian and Robin, startled, turned to see whom the voice came from. The little boy was standing at the entrance of the camp. "Who are you?" Robin asked and walked to him. "Why is he down?" Seth cried and pointed at Guy.

"He's fine. He is just sleeping" Robin reassured him and when he was close enough, he knelt in front of the boy. "My name is Robin. My friends call me Robin Hood. What is your name?" he asked. Seth was looking at Robin but he was looking at Guy too, out of the corner of his eye.

"Don't worry about Guy. He will be fine. Now you and I will get to know each other, right?" The smile that few people could resist to, was formed on his face and Robin had made another friend. "Seth" the boy answered and instantly, Robin turned to Marian who had the same look of surprise as he did.

Marian, like she had just 'waken up', put aside her fear and walked to the camp. "My name is Marian" she said and took Seth in her arms. Seth's eyes were fixed on Robin's bow. "You are too young for that" Marian said, once she saw the boy reaching for the weapon and Robin laughed as he moved to where Guy was.

"Much stop grumbling! It was a fox not a bear!" Will's voice was heard behind the bushes. "It was a big fox!" Much defended himself...

_**An hour, and a few explanations, later...**_

"What do you mean he attacked you? Why?" Allan asked as he sat down and took a good look at Seth who was sleeping on Marian's laps. "He didn't take the time to explain, Allan" Robin replied.

"That man! We treated him so well and how does he pay back?" Much cried. "Think of what he saw, Much" Marian said, not feeling less upset with Guy's behavior. Much looked at her. He understood the complexity of the situation and nodded. 'Even so...' he thought.

"Djaq, how is he doing?" Robin asked. "Thankfully, Marian hit him hard enough to stop him but not too hard to cause him serious damage". Marian was relieved, hearing this and Robin looked at her saying, 'I told you so'.

The Saracen was confident that Guy, with some rest, would soon be as good as new. "I gave him something to sleep. He will probably just suffer from a headache, but I think he's been worse" she said and covered him with a blanket. His presence there pleased her not, but she would swallow her dissent until she would know more. 'He might have changed, for all I know. Why else would he be here?' she thought.

Will saw her being attentive to the man who was the root of their problems and shook his head. Guardedness, in his every face expression and movement. Djaq saw him tense and took his hand. "Will, I am a physician and he is my patient. I cannot just give the medicine and walk away" "I know. But watching him here, it doesn't feel right" Will's eyes narrowed.

"What about the little one?" Allan asked, still staring. He was looking at the boy as if it was a lion, ready to jump and bite his neck. Kids, babies or generally, anyone who would demand care and attention, he wasn't very fond of. He wasn't very good at any of that, anyway. Kate nudged Allan on his side. "I won't let him hurt you Allan. I promise!" she teased him and Carter laughed.

"Are you ready?" Robin raised an eyebrow and half-smiled. "Ready for what?" Tuck wondered. "The boy's name is Seth. Rings any bells?" Robin said and watched their faces as they turned from 'what?' to 'oh'. Some of them were in the gang, the first time that their path was crossed with Seth's. "Should it?" Kate and Carter asked together. Tuck and Djaq had the same question mark in their eyes.

"Seth? As... Annie's baby, Seth?" Allan cried and Will spoke next "As Gizborne's son?". Robin nodded and approached the sleeping boy. "Guy's son" he whispered and chuckled. Kate searched for a similarity between the sleeping child and the man who was supposed to be the father.

"I didn't know that he had a son" Djaq said, bewildered, and Will explained how they had found the baby in the forest.

"It seems that our little friend cannot stay away from us! Right Seth?" Robin touched the boy's face and that moment Seth opened his eyes and looked at the man who was standing above him. Protected from any harm as he felt, Seth smiled and fell asleep again.

"How are we sure that this child is the same Seth?" John asked a very reasonable question. "There was a letter in Seth's pocket. A letter which I am sure Guy knows nothing about" Robin showed them the letter.

"When Seth told us his name, we were speechless. Finding the letter, while you were taking care of Guy, was a relief" Marian said and gave Guy, a glance. Looking at his direction was still combined with fright. It seemed that the plan of how to approach him or the speech she had thought to make, were useless now.

'Funny!' she thought. 'How can someone face the person who attempted to kill them?'. For months she thought that their meeting would be placed sometime in the distant future. After she would have found her life back. Fate, though, showed her that making plans is a certain way to know failure. Now, she was trying to estimate the likelihood of a reconciliation between them.

"In that letter Lady Glasson, the woman that would help Annie, says that Seth's mother is dead. No details. The Lady had to leave the shire and she couldn't take the boy with her. She doesn't explain her reasons for that either, but what is done is done. It also mentions a woman, named Vera, who was supposed to bring the child to us" Robin said.

"Us? What for? We are a gang of fighters, not a group of nannies!" Much raised his voice. "We took good care of him the first time!" Allan smiled as he remembered the sleepless nights with the baby. 'I hope he will be more quiet now' he thought.

"What is it?" Tuck read Robin's thoughtful expression. "I am wondering what happened to that woman, Vera. How did Guy found them and what made him take the child with him? It doesn't match his character. Could it be the paternal instinct? Anyway, the important thing now is that we have father and son in the same place and we have to find a way to tell them what their true relationship is. Any ideas?"

The gang was silent. How would they tell something like that to a man so unpredictable like Guy was? His most recent reaction wasn't exactly encouraging. "He already knows he has a son. We just tell him what happened. The simple truth" Marian said. Everybody seemed to agree. "And now, the winning question. Who will be the lucky one to break the news?" Allan asked.

"All of us, together" Robin said. "But..." some voices raised in protest. "All" was the leader's final word.

Marian felt the camp getting smaller and smaller. The anxiety was getting stronger, dominating her troubled mind. Her lungs were failing to give her the air she needed. "I need to get some air" she said and gave Seth to Kate, avoiding Robin's eyes.

Djaq and Will watched Marian, walking away. Robin saw them and decided not to follow Marian, as he had firstly thought, but to stay and find out why those two were being like that. Cause it wasn't the first time and he was sure that he would get more from them than from Marian.

She was very good at keeping secrets, if she thought it was in her best interest. 'Even if that means excluding me' he thought and frowned.

"Tell me, Djaq" he said, once Marian couldn't hear them. "What is to say?" Djaq tried to sidestep the question. "We don't have time, so let's do this the quick way" Robin's eyes were hard. He wanted to know what was wrong with his wife.

Djaq took a deep breath. "We had some problems after you left. My people found out that we were taking care of an English woman. In addition to Will's presence there, that brought them to their limits. They attacked us. Bassam and his servants helped us escape but he didn't make it".

Those days were of the hardest Djaq had lived. She had lost so many in so little time and she couldn't even mourn properly. The memory of her beloved friend's death brought back the pain.

"It was a difficult get away because we had to carry Marian and run as quickly as possible. Fortunately, Hersan gave us shelter for a couple of days. We were lucky enough to find Carter the next day. The four of us traveled to a smaller city, one hour away from Acre.

We arrived there at night and we decided that it was for the best if we could keep Carter and Marian hidden. Exposing them would be risky. Will, because of his looks could blend in more easily as long as he pretended to be mute, to cover the language problem. The two of us had to work to earn a living". Will squeezed Djaq's hand.

"We had to wait for Marian to recover before even start thinking of traveling back home. At the time, Djaq wasn't sure if she would make it. Carter and I were watching Marian fighting and Djaq trying to help" Will said.

"Her wound was healing but the fever remained for days. Some days she could understand what was going on but she didn't recognize us and we had to introduce ourselves and remind her that we were her friends. Other days, she was half-sleeping murmuring to herself, always feverish. Carter stayed in with her all the time and he did an excellent job." Djaq said and looked at Carter. He could tell this part of the story better.

"I was spending hours talking to her, even when she couldn't listen. I was talking to her about England, Nottingham, the gang, our cause and of course I was talking to her about you and your dreams, Robin. I was trying to pull her back to reality by reminding her of her past life and everything that was vital for her".

"Five days after we had found Carter, the fever was so high that she was hallucinating. She thought we were going to hurt her. She was screaming and she didn't let us touch her. The hallucinations were stressing and weakening her and we were afraid that they would eventually kill her". Will felt a shiver, remembering those moments.

Djaq spoke again "No matter what I tried, the fever remained. Her wound was healing but it seemed like her mind was resisting cure. It was like she wanted to let herself drift in not-knowing. This lasted for two days".

"The second day, I was exhausted. I hadn't slept for three nights because she was very restless and unfortunately neither Djaq nor Will could stay home to help. I wasn't in my best shape due to my injuries and I couldn't fight sleepiness. I fell asleep deeply and when I woke up, she was gone.

She was very weak but somehow she managed to leave the house and walk through the city. At her situation it was extremely dangerous. One step and she could collapse. Even if she could realize where she was, she wouldn't be able to find her way home.

I searched every street and alley to find her. I found her crying and calling for you, Robin. When Will and Djaq got home, she was sleeping and she seemed peaceful because the fever was gone, for the first time in days. I got so scared that something could happen to her because of me, that even when I knew that she was safe, I couldn't rest" Carter said.

"When he told us everything I smiled in relief and both he and Will looked at me furious. I explained that I was happy because she had remembered. She had remembered of you, Robin. She was calling your name because she knew she would be safe with you. This was her first step on her way back to us" Djaq said and, like Will, had a smile on her face. A smile of hope, that fainted as soon as it appeared.

"But this is over now, isn't it?" Robin's voice was barely audible. His face was white like snow. Djaq motioned for him to sit down. To Robin, that was a bad sign.

"For a few months after the fever had broken, she had one nightmare over and over again and it was impossible to convince her to go back to sleep. She was scared that she might have the same dream again. She never said what that nightmare was about but whatever it was, it horrified her like nothing I have ever seen in my life" Djaq said.

"She doesn't speak of it anymore but I think she still suffers from it. And there is another problem. You heard her. She needs air. Whenever she is worried or anxious, her breathing is difficult. We cannot think of what to do to help her" Will touched Robin's shoulder.

Robin's eyes were wide with terror. The words coming from them, were knives being thrust in his body and twisted fiercely in his wounds.

He pictured her wondering helpless, calling his name, crying and he was nowhere around to take her hand and save her.

He pictured her waking up scared and he was nowhere around to hold her in his arms and make the fear go away.

That was something he would never forget himself for.

Guy was sleeping. And he was tormented in the process...

His first days back home, came first in his sleep. Very unusual dreams, though. It was like he was reliving everything.

The sleepless nights during which, her pleading voice was whispering in his ears like a sad lullaby... The severe pain in his chest every time he would come across a small reminder of her... Her blank, 'dead' face that was mirrored in every young girl's face... The illusive blood-stains on the white sheets of his bed every time he entered the room...

All those images were flashed in his mind and he was, frantically, trying to stop them. He wanted to wake up but his mind would go through it all.

Then, the images were different. Guy was running. He felt worn out but kept running...and he could see things.

Her escape, when he had arrested her for being the Nightwatchman, was successful. Then he was in the forest but he saw her never coming back to the castle, after her father's death. The fire in her house was never set. He watched himself in her bedchamber not pressuring her to marry him.

And he found himself wishing that they were true. One of those images. Any of those images. Because that would mean she wouldn't be fatally wounded by his blade. Anything to change the dark future... 'Anything' he was crying with his head buried in his hands. The endless sand surrounded him and the next second he was in the green forest, still crying.

That moment he woke up. From where he was, he could see the purple sky. The light was dim and he could hear the birds singing. People would say that it was a lovely evening. 'Too bad, I am not one of them' he thought.

He lowered his eyes and the truth was shown to him. Marian was with Robin, across the camp. She was sleeping and she had her arms around Robin's torso. Holding him tightly, unwilling to let go. Robin was gently leaning over her, stroking her face, kissing her, whispering love words.

How had he missed the obvious? How could he ever believe that getting between them was possible? How could he be so blind and not see that their love was beyond him and his own petty feelings?

It didn't matter how could she be there. The only thing that mattered was that she had lived. Guy got his wish.

Allan was sitting by his bed. "What?" Allan said once he saw Guy ready to speak but saying nothing in the end. Weariness was overwhelming and Guy fell asleep again. He slept until the next morning.

_Seth touched one of Marian's locks, falling on her face and pushed it away._ The memory made me laugh. She was so adorable with the child in her arms.

The walk in the forest was refreshing, she said but she needed rest. 'No surprise if one thinks what she had been through'. The sun was about to set and she was lying by my side. She had been sleeping for at least two hours. Thankfully, the nightmares seemed to be gone. 'For now' I reminded myself.

I kissed her and the last time I had kissed while she was sleeping, came to my mind. It was two months before our wedding. Those days, I couldn't stay away from her. The anticipation was huge.

I was riding my horse to Knighton when she was there, just to get a glimpse of her smile with which she was very ungenerous, to my disappointment! That, of course, was when there were other people present but, back then, we rarely had some privacy during the day.

When her father wanted her at the castle, usually on the days that the noble council met, I was wandering in Nottingham, hours after my duties were done, to see her for one minute without supervision but again with no success.

Somehow as the day of the wedding was getting closer, we were seeing each other less and less. I wouldn't allow that, for anything in the world.

Much knew that I was just looking for an excuse to be where she was and he never missed an opportunity to comment on it. "You know that this is very childish, don't you?" "I never denied that, Much" was my reply.

If he knew that I was doing the exact same thing during the night, since it was my only chance to be alone with her, he would be doing more than simply trying to talk me out of this behavior. He would tie me up on my bed or something more radical!

So, one night I got in her bedroom and I found her half-sleeping. I was there to spend time with her but watching her sleeping was very amusing.

Her white, lacey nightgown made her look like a angel. She took three deep breaths and then she rolled on her side, placing her hand under her cheek.

As I found out the next time, she did that every night. Three deep breaths and then she was quiet. The third night, I waited for them.

First breath, 'She is thinking of me'. Second breath, 'She is thinking of our life together'. On her third breath, she smiled and so did I. 'She is thinking of...'. I kissed her.

Her smile grew wider as if she knew I was there and she was aware of what I did. But she didn't. If she knew, she would have thrown me out, shouting! Not sincerely angry, but surely shouting! It felt very selfish of me to enjoy this moment without her knowing, but it was perfect!

_**Our wedding. **_I was back in the camp again, but not for long.For a moment, I closed my eyes and I pictured something similar but completely different, at the same time. I thought of how things should be.

I was at Locksley with Marian and we were surrounded by our beautiful children. Two daughters, laughing and playing happily. Marian was breast-feeding the youngest member of the family, a baby boy of four weeks, and I was helping one of my girls with her hair-ribbon.

When she turned to see me, I froze. I eyed her for several moments and the girl wasn't smiling anymore. She had her arms open to hug me but I couldn't take my eyes off hers.

My daughter didn't have her mother's sky-like blue eyes. Maybe that wasn't reason for dismay. The cold green color I was staring at, was. Both girls had the same eye-color.

Why? I thought, but there was more in their look. Something that scared me. There was venom. I couldn't understand why my adorable, little girls should be like that. Who could they have inherited such hatred from?

When I turned to see Marian, she wasn't there. Isabella was in her place...

"No!" I screamed and Marian looked at me worried. I had woken her up. "What is it, love?" she asked and touched my face. I shrugged the irksome feeling away. "Nothing" I said. "Nothing" and I held her closer.


	8. The 'lie' lies in the details

**A huge 'thank you' to those who took the time and wrote a few words for this story!**

Chapter 8: The 'lie' lies in the details

"Are you sure about this?" Djaq asked and adjusted the belt on her waist. Day by day, it felt tighter. She frowned. "Are we really going to have this conversation for the third time?" Will replied without making eye-contact. He stopped too, to drink some water. "This is so sudden. We said that it would be nice to visit your brother and the next second you started packing our things!" she cried. "Why wait?" "We had just come home, Will! One day was all the rest we could have?".

Djaq failed to see the necessity of such rush. Will's actions made her believe that he was hiding something. To what extend she had no idea, but she was determined to keep asking until she was told everything.

"I want to see my brother. What's the harm in that?" Will answered as innocently as he could. He suddenly felt sorry for not learning more tricks from Allan, where telling lies was concerned because he had things to hide from his 'adored other-half'. "You only mentioned it last night" Djaq said and wiped the sweat off her forehead. "So?" he shrugged. Djaq turned to Will with a look meaning 'you know what I mean!' on her face.

"We saw our friends. They are all fine. We brought Marian back. A few more days wouldn't change anything" Will responded and hoped that this would be the end. They had a long journey ahead of them. Spending time on a subject already discussed, sounded stupid to him.

"Will Scarlet!" she exclaimed. "How long are you planing to go on with this?" "With what?" he went on with the pretense. 'Bad move, Will' he corrected himself, as soon as he saw her expression. "You just want to see your brother, hah?" she rolled her eyes. "Djaq..." "Don't Djaq me. Our hasty departure is because of Guy. We even left before he woke up, to avoid him. Admit it or I will not take another step" she threatened him and he seemed to take the threat seriously. Her legs wouldn't be able to move even if she wanted. She needed rest, even for a little while.

Will met her eyes and for the first time since they had started this trip, he was ready to be honest. "Gizborne is a man whom we should be away from. If they have forgotten, if you have forgotten then fine. I haven't!" "So this is not just a visit! You want us to move in with Luke, don't you?". Of all things, she didn't expect that. She winced as she felt nauseated. She didn't expect nausea either because she thought she was done with that. The timing was wrong!

"When were you planing to inform me about your decision?" she demanded and took deep breaths. "Are you all-right?" Will offered help but she raised her hand to stop him. He shook his head with despair. "There is no decision, Djaq. I was just thinking..." "It seems more than thinking. It seems that you made plans for our life and you had no intention to take my opinion into account" she said frustrated. "That is absurd!" "Is it?" "I would never do such a thing. I know you well enough to respect your need for control over your own life" "Then what is this all about?" she stared at him.

Will knew that the odds of making her see his point of view were poor. "I thought that it would be nice to stay away for some time. We have been through so much. This life is not good for... We may be parents one day. Have you thought of that?" "One day, like you said. Not today!" she replied and drank some water.

Will could easily picture them starting a life away from battles, schemes and betrayals. He had enough of those for three lives and no one would blame him if he wanted no more. Raise happy children. Live his days in peace. Grow old and grey. That was his dream.

"A normal life for us is too much to ask?" he asked. "No, as long as you ask" she smiled and moved closer. "We cannot leave them now, my love" "We can have a better life. Wasn't that the plan when we decided to live at your home town? " he hopelessly tried to persuade her. "Oh stop it. In two days' time, you would be begging me to return. I am simply saving you the trouble". She picked up her things and fought the discomfort of the back pain. "Now, let's go and visit your brother" she stroke his hand and Will nodded.

'Maybe she's right. Maybe she knows me better than I know myself' he thought. He put his hand protectively on the small of her back and they walked in silence. 'That is why I love her' he smiled. The dream of a quiet life wasn't entirely abandoned. There was just a delay. Or so he hoped.

Djaq, unwittingly, touched her belly. When she realized, she smiled. There were secrets of her own to keep but as any woman would say, she had very good reasons! 'Soon we will be home, my darling. Worry not. You will grow up in Sherwood forest, just like your father' she thought and smiled once more.

* * *

"Is there any specific reason to follow me Allan?" Guy asked. Allan was following him for several minutes. He didn't know the exact reason for that, though. It varied from making sure that Guy wouldn't do anything stupid that would cause them trouble, to making sure that Guy was safe. 'Damn' Allan cursed. 'Where is a good lie when you need it?'. He hadn't lied for a long time. There was no need to. 'This is the problem when you are honest all the time. When you must lie, you can't!'. "Err.. Much sent me to get firewood for the night and I guess I just came this way!" was the best excuse he could come up with.

"Fine. Walk" Guy replied with indifference. Allan's presence made no difference. Guy had been ruminating over the fact that his son was with him now. Every time he saw Seth, the last three days, the same scene was coming in his mind. A baby boy left in the unfriendly environment of the forest. His sobbing was fading, as Guy rode his black horse back to the castle, free of that complication as he had called the whole thing. His son was a complication. 'Despicable man' he thought of himself. Guilt was an understatement as to what Guy felt, reckoning of what he had done. How could he explain this to the boy once he could understand? What were the words he could use to do it?

His child's fate hadn't occupied his mind all this time. A fact so vile as the crime itself. Three years and he hadn't thought, not once, of the only human who would be the silver lining in his life. His attention was always directed to one woman and how he could win her. Not as a person but as a prize. False, as he could tell now, his life's purpose was. Even when he had bedded Annie, his thoughts were of Marian. How different it would be to lie in bed with Marian as his wedded wife and not with a simple maid as his mistress, like Annie was. 'Despicable, sick man'.

Annie's death shocked him. She had died and he would never have the chance to apologize to her. An apology to Annie was the last thing he had thought to make but now that the option was gone, he felt the need to say 'Sorry'. The irony was that he meant it and Annie would never believe him.

That wasn't the end of the list of the things about his child, that he had to deal with. There was something too urgent, diverting the flow of his thoughts. Marian. As always, she was the one thing outshining the rest. The situation had nothing to do with the past. Now, he had to see her as what she truly was. The wife of another man. Not his to claim. Not his to love. Not his even to dream of.

He had to put a closure to that part of his life in order to start his new life from that day forward. He couldn't, though.

Several minutes had passed and then Allan spoke. "You haven't spoke with Marian, yet" he whispered the name, weighing Guy's reaction. "We are doing a good job avoiding each other" Guy said in an unemotional tone. In one corner of his mind, he was impressed with Allan's courage to raise that point.

"That must come to an end" "Did Robin sent you to tell me that?". For a moment Guy had in his look the darkness of the old days. He didn't mean to, but having Allan mentioning that, even if he knew it better himself, was irritating.

Allan felt his voice not reaching his lips. 'Why did I just say that?' he wondered and took two steps backwards. That look was very familiar to Allan for him to let it pass unnoticed. That look always warned him to run away. Quickly.

"No, no. I just... I thought of... Never mind. I will go back to what I was sent for. See you later" Allan turned to leave but Guy's strong hands grabbed his shoulders. "Wait" he called. "Sorry for that". Allan felt like a man-size stone was rolling to his direction and it had just missed him. Relief was all over his face but it didn't last. He looked at Guy and sighed. He wouldn't leave. Allan'A'Dale was where he should be. The reason of why he had followed Guy was clear.

"Listen, Gizz. I know that this is probably not my business but let's face it. You cannot pretend that you have nothing to say to each other. Right?" "I would talk to her if I knew that this wouldn't upset her. If I knew that there was even the slightest chance that she would be able to see how sorry I am, I would repeat it to her a thousand times. But she clearly wants to have nothing to do with me and so I am not annoying her. It is only expected given what I did three days ago" he said. Robin never said a word about it. The man even smiled at Guy when he greeted him the next morning. There was a shadow in his eyes but nothing that would tell to a stranger that anything significant had occurred between them. 'Probably because Robin wants no more drama' Guy mused.

"Yes! That wasn't the best of ideas for a welcome! But they, Robin and Marian, are willing to forget. I mean I guess they are. It's not like we have discussed it..." Allan said. "You have Allan. Sometimes you amaze me with how stupid you think I am. Haven't I proved myself better than that?" Guy snickered and patted Allan's shoulder.

"Anyway, we'll see. Maybe in time Marian will feel less revolted towards me and..." Guy whispered more to himself than to Allan. "I don't know what she is thinking. I never did and I am not confident I will ever be able to read that woman's mind. I am sure, though, that Marian is the type of person who listens. If you want to say 'I'm sorry', she ain't gonna stop you" Allan replied and Guy looked at him questioningly. "You think that she will forgive me? Do you..." "Hey Guy! That is for her to know and for you to find out" Allan interrupted him and didn't regret it. If there was a moment in their relationship for Allan to raise his voice, this was it.

* * *

"You enjoy this, don't you?" Robin asked Seth. The boy was running around the grown-ups, bringing anything they wanted. In his eyes everything they were doing was magic. At Lady Glasson's house he wasn't allowed to run and be noisy. But in the forest, he could be as loud as his lungs could scream! True bliss for a child! As Robin had said, Seth enjoyed every second of his new life. Even cooking. Much was very pleased with his assistant. "Well done Seth" he said. Seth grinned and kept running. "Don't get excited Much" Kate told him. "Even a three-year-old will get bored with cooking, eventually" she laughed.

"Kate focus. If your mind is on Much, you won't be able to fight back!" Marian's voice called her back to training. "Sorry, but it's so funny!" she turned her eyes to Marian who was holding her sword ready to attack. "Remember, quick doesn't mean festinate! Be sure of every move you make..." "Or it might be your last!" Carter finished off the sentence. Marian smiled "Exactly! That is the first lesson" "You should listen to her. She knows what she's doing with this pointy thing in her hands" Carter went on, praising Marian's fighting skills.

"I learned from the best" she said and looked at the blond man. "Excuse me?" Robin cried in a wounded tone. "You never cared to teach me! After my recovery, Carter helped me to get back in my good shape. He is a very talented instructor. But should you be available, you would be my first choice" Marian winked at him. "It is never too late. Maybe if I will be in charge of your education, you will be able to correct some of your weaknesses. You fail to perform some techniques properly" he took his sword. "Once I am done with Kate, we will see who is better acquainted with failure!" she accepted the not so well hidden challenge.

"Actually, can we stop now?" Kate asked. "I am a little tired. Besides, I prefer to watch the two of you fighting! It can be more educational" she said and sat next to Carter. It felt strange. Saying it and hoping that one day it will be true. 'Watching them!' Her whole world had turned upside down, but she should have seen that coming. Her life had taken a turn where surprises were an every day thing. Accepting that she had to forget her love for Robin was a tough job. 'Thank God I was trained for tough jobs' she thought. So she watched them being together and there was a sense that things would get better. Her mother had taught her not to question the good things in her life. Kate had never been comfortable with that but in this occasion she thought it fit well.

Carter waved to Much to get closer. Much saw the Nightwatchman and Robin Hood ready for a fight and shook his head. It brought memories somewhat forgotten. The day that Robin found out the true identity of Nightwatchman, or rather the Nightwatch_**woman,**_ was so stressful but at the end of it so funny. Marian was the Nightwatchman! Nightwatchwoman he corrected himself again. It took him a couple of days to take that information in.

Tuck, from the top of the hill, saw their gathering and told John to hurry up. "They are up to something" he laughed. "They always are. If I would run every time they have something in mind, I would hardly rest" John said. He was getting old and the rest of them were so much younger than him. At times, he thought he couldn't compete with their energy. At other times, he was the only one who could save the day. There was a balance but lately he felt that things were falling out of this balance.

"Oh no! You ruined Kate too? Three women and no dress!" Allan called and they all turned to see him. "Have you ever ran in the forest or fought while wearing a dress, Allan?" Marian asked him and Kate took her side. "It is so much better now" she said and looked at her new outfit.

"What's with them?" Allan directed his question to Much whose attention was drawn by Robin and Marian. "The usual!" he replied and they both turned their eyes to the hero and his heroine.

Robin played with Marian's hair and tickled her on the neck. She chuckled and told him to put off their competition. "It is perfectly understandable to be afraid of losing, Marian" he told her the second she had turned her back to him. "You will pay for that, Robin of Locksley!" she said. "All talk and no action" he shrugged.

With a sudden move Marian turned around. Using her sword, she crossed Robin's blade. Robin was startled and his unsteady hold had as a result the sword to fall from his hand. With great reflexes he caught it, before it hit the ground. As he bended his knees to get the blade, Marian kicked his hand and the weapon fell brassily. He was now disadvantaged, kneeling before her. Not wasting time, she placed the edge of her blade on the base of his neck. He raised his hands to surrender. "I yield" he whispered. "Louder" she ordered. "I yield, my Lady! And I plead for mercy!" he said. "Any last wishes?" "To live a long life!" he answered with eyes shut, faking fear. "Agreed" she nodded and helped him stand.

Robin bowed theatrically. "That is what a quick move is all about, Katy" Carter said. "Now, we should call it an end before Robin gets a wound on his body to match his wounded pride!" Allan laughed but Robin paid no attention. Seth climbed on Kate's arms and all of them headed to the entrance of the camp.

"If anyone is hungry, the meal is ready" Much called and looked at the two lovebirds. The picture of them laughing was rare. Too much pain, too much suffering they had been through. Much took the opportunity to see them the way they were supposed to be. That alone made him happy. It wasn't his life, it wasn't his love but he was part of it. Like a member of their family. He was a part of their lives for so long. Especially Robin's life. In the past, though, he used to spend time with Marian too. Sometimes it was just the two of them.

"_Stop!" I shouted but she gave me no notice and kept running. "Come on Much. It will be fun" "It will not be fun, if you fall and hurt yourself! Neither your father, the Sheriff will believe it is fun, nor my master Robin" I tried to talk some sense to her, yelling at the top of my lungs, but nothing came out of it. "What could possibly go wrong?" she asked and ran faster in the forest before I could even think of an answer scary enough to stop her. Why was it always me she had to take with?_

"_Where are we going?". She ignored me again and I was desperate. We were deep in the forest now, following narrow paths. One misstep and we would be history. A fall off the cliff would be the end of me? I thought frightened. If we were to get out of the forest alive, I would ask my master to never make me accompany her again. It was absolutely beyond my limits!_

_The minute I thought we were just walking and I finally had a normal pulse, she started running again. I hadn't blinked twice and she was gone. No sign of her. How fast was this woman running, anyway? Suddenly, I heard a cry for help and my name. "Much!" "My God! Please let her be unharmed" I cried. Then I could hear nothing. She was seriously hurt. That was why she couldn't speak and I was officially a dead man. Even if the Sheriff would spare me, my master wouldn't._

_Seconds later she screamed again and I ran faster at the direction of the voice. I found her siting on the ground. "Are you hurt?" "That depends! What exactly do you mean by hurt?" she laughed as I got closer and tried to help her get on her feet. "Stop!" she cried, "I can't walk, I can't even stand" she was serious now._

"_My Lady, what happened?" "I tried to save a little bird. The poor thing was trapped between two branches" "Only you could do this. Try to free a bird and end up with a broken leg" I said and I knew it wasn't my place but she had given me this liberty. Marian wasn't formal, always allowing me to speak freely. Same as master Robin. I had been with them more than any other living soul. I knew all their secrets! And I was the one they counted on for their secrets to remain unknown._

"_My leg is not broken, Much" she protested and narrowed her eye-brows. I knew that look. Of course! It was Robin's 'You are wrong, Much' look, every time he knew I was right. His influence on her wouldn't please Sir Edward! She and Robin were a very difficult pair to deal with. Like one wasn't enough for me! "With all due respect my Lady, it surely seems to hurt like a broken leg" She didn't like it at all but she knew I was right ."Fine, Much. A broken leg. This knowledge doesn't help us now, does it? Go back to Locksley to bring help and be careful! Whatever you do, DO NOT tell Robin about this. He's going to be mad at both of us". That woman was so stubborn. Stubborn to the end._

"_Well, he has every right to, I think!" "He MAY have a right to be mad at me, which is something I sincerely doubt, but he has absolutely no right to be mad at you" "I should have protected you better. I deserve whatever comes to me" "No you don't. I will not allow any punishment". That was so typical of her. Always thinking of everyone else. But not of herself. "You shouldn't be so reckless. When I couldn't hear your voice, I thought..." "I'm sorry for causing so much trouble to you. I really didn't mean for any of this to happen. Will you forgive me?"._

_Had she just asked for my forgiveness? She was a Lady and I was the manservant of her future husband. There was friendship in her manners but there were limits even in our atypical relationship. Everyday was a surprise with her, so much like master Robin. I knew she wasn't like the other noble women I had met. It never crossed my mind that she could be that different._

"_Now, Much, please go and get someone quickly. It really hurts" "But I cannot leave you alone in the forest. It is not safe for a woman to be alone here. There are outlaws..." "You cannot carry me home singlehanded and I cannot walk myself. Do you see any other solution than fetching someone for help?" She smiled at me. "Alright. I will be back as soon as possible. Do not move" "Much! Just go and get someone before the night falls!". I ran on my way home._

_'She is kind, generous, clever, considerate, passionate and very, very breathtakingly beautiful. And despite the fact that sometimes she doesn't act like a young woman of her position, she is a lovely Lady. Maybe she is lovely because of this **little** detail. She is unique in every way. That is why my master fell in love with her, the minute he set eyes on her. She can win anyone instantly and once she gets their attention, she shall never loose it' I was thinking as I ran faster and faster..._

That moment a heavy voice called "Marian". "It is time" she said to Robin. "Only if you are ready" "I am". The lie came so effortlessly that it surprised her. Her weapon was set by the tree despite the fact that she felt 'nude' without it. There was no need of it because this would be a battle with words. 'Words often cut deeper than blades' Robin once had told her. She smiled and that smile gave Robin the reassurance he needed in order to let go of her. It was important for Marian to make him believe that she was fine. She needed him not to worry. She walked slowly to Guy. Each step was one step closer to the end, she thought.

Robin's eyes were fixed on Guy. There were so many things he wanted to say. He hadn't made peace, and never would, with the fact that this man had tried to steal his life and all in it. Now, the world was a common territory for them. They were fighting on the same side. They weren't enemies anymore but they were far from calling each other friend.

Could he trust this man? Was it possible that once he was alone with her, Guy would remember the monster he used to be and try to take her away from him? 'No he wouldn't. He knows that I will kill him for even thinking of it' Robin thought.

Guy and Marian had to have that talk and Robin knew that. He also knew that this was something between the two of them. "Go" he said and wished she wouldn't. 'At the end of it Marian will come back to me', he repeated over and over again.

* * *

"Let's sit here, shall we?" Guy motioned for her to sit down. "I had thought of our encounter but it had nothing to do with this" she smiled faintly, staring at the ground. "At least you had some idea of it" he said.

"What happened Guy?" she asked and he looked at her confused. "Many things" "What happened to you before you came here? How did you cope with what you had done?". Guy sighed. "I was in hell. I kept living my days without trying to ease my pain. Not that there was much to do to gain peace of mind, anyway. My soul was lost. And so was my life. All gone with you" he said and regret it. It sounded like he was presenting himself as the victim and he had no such intention.

Marian's face had an unreadable expression. She wanted to understand. She really did, but the hatred she had seen in his eyes that day, didn't help much. She could see nothing past that look. "That day you hated me. That is why you wanted to kill me but I see that this feeling never died. You didn't change anything in your life. As if nothing ever happened. Nothing touched your soul. You kept hating people..." she said disappointed. For months she wanted to believe, the very few moments that she would allow herself to think of him, that he would finally realize his mistakes and he would perhaps try to redeem himself.

"I told you I had no life" he interrupted her. "Yes you did! A life of mistakes to make, lies to tell, crimes to commit as you were commanded. You stayed alive for that. To do whatever you would do if I hadn't died" she cried and paced up and down, afraid that this wasn't getting anywhere. "You killed again, Guy! Kate's brother. You tried to kill Robin, three days ago. Why?" she screamed and felt desperate. "This was... I was angry and I... I couldn't..." he wanted to explain but there was chaos in his mind. Complete chaos in his life. "You did what you always do whenever you are angry. You hurt those who have the misfortune to be the wrong time at the wrong place". His crimes, the ones she saw him committing and the others that she had heard of, were all there. Giving her reasons to hate him. Excuses to avoid him.

"How can you say that? You weren't here to see how I suffered!" he asked raising his voice. "Was not being here my fault?" she asked back with irony. His eyes were empty, like a dead man's and Marian was scared. "No, it was mine. But you are here now. Back to your husband. Live well with him and forget all about me" he said and tried to leave. "Where do you think you're going?" she stood in front of him, blocking his way. "I'll leave and take Seth with me. I will no longer poison your life, Marian. You have my word for it". That was what he hoped for. Never hurt her again. For anything in the world.

"I don't feel comfortable with having you here and I cannot believe what I am about to say". She took a deep breath. "Against all reason, I think you should be here. This is your only chance. Robin has given you your only chance to be the good man you can be. For your son. And for what it's worth, I think you can do it" she spoke and her hands were trembling. She could feel the panic attack, as Djaq had called it, coming but resisted with all of her strength.

"I must leave. I cannot..." he whispered. "You can!" she yelled. "You mean that I can react in a different way, against my usual murdering instincts?" Guy laughed with no humor. "I had faith in you and you disappointed me. It is time to do better now" she kept her eyes on him, trying to look intimidating. "What if I disappoint you again? We both know what I am capable of" Guy was afraid of that eventuality. "Are we back to hatred Guy? Is love, compassion, kindness so difficult for you to choose?" "It is easier not to, Marian. I have loved and been betrayed every time. I have seen people love and be loved and they ended up dead". Guy loved his mother but she had an affair with another man. An affair that caused the death of his parents. How could he believe that love had a brighter side than that?

"A life without love is never a wise choice. It is an act of timidity" Marian told him and wished she could find the way to make him see what was right in front of him! The simple truth. He was surrounded by people who had chosen good over evil and they, with all the pain and the problems, could say that it was the right choice.

"A life with unanswered love isn't a grave-like life, then? Is it a wise choice?" Guy's certainty of no other way wasn't shaken. "Maybe not a wise choice! Or an easy one. But it is a life nonetheless" "You do not know what an unanswered love is, so don't make assumptions whether it is preferable to no-love or not" was his response. Guy knew that feeling. He knew it better than he ever wished. Living with that wound in his heart was unbearable.

Marian knew that this was a hint for her, but she wouldn't let him make her feel guilty. There was no point for she was already there. She knew that giving him fake hopes, only to serve her own purposes, was a mistake. But it wasn't time for remorse over this.

"Tomorrow I will be gone" he said. "Over my dead body. And this time, Guy of Gizborne, you will have to kill me for real, to go back to your pathetic life" she said and this was the final word.


	9. Love will tear us apart

Chapter 9: Love will tear us apart

The following four weeks were busy for the outlaws. "This is an ambush." was their usual announcement to the guards of the carriages, coming from or going to the castle. As always, they were more than happy to relieve the guards from the burden of gold or silver coins.

The needs of the people were the gang's priority. Food, medicines, anything a family would need. The increasing number of mercenaries in the villages closer to the town of Nottingham was a serious problem too.

Their latest concern was the accident at Knighton's mill. Three men were there when the mill collapsed and one of them was seriously injured. He wouldn't be able to work for a long time, should he survive and his five children had no mother to take care of them. Also, strong hands were required in order to rebuild the mill.

Marian wanted to be part of the group that would go to offer help. However, Robin had reservations about her getting involved. "Marian, what happened to 'I have learned to take orders'?" he said and threw her knives on the bench.

"Can't we see this as an exception? As an emergency?" she used her 'sweet look' to convince him and added "Please, I want to help."

"I know you do but in Knighton there are people who might recognize you. We don't want that, do we?" He knew the woman he loved and it was a true feat to change her mind.

Marian had a pleasant surprise for him and for anyone who had met her the last twenty years. "All-right." she complied with his will and kissed him gently. He could have this one. Just this one.

"God! I miss Will and Djaq" Allan said and put his hand on Marian's back and led her out of the camp. "They can be more discreet. You two are just so... so obviously in love." he said.

"Where are you taking me, Allan? Riding?" Marian asked thrilled with the prospect of some action.

"Better! For as long as they are in Knighton, we will be on a mission of our own. We will search for rich people to rob." he beamed.

"Whose idea was that?"

"The first part was his." Allan pointed at Robin who was waiting for Much so they could leave. "The staying-behind part. The other one, the fun part, was mine." Allan said and he was holding in his right hand the small hairpin with emerald and ruby stones that Marian had in her pocket.

"Don't use those tricks on me!". It was a jewel that she had stolen from a German countess on their way back to England. It looked a lot like one Robin had given to her on her birthday ages ago. Much as Marian tried to resist the growing idea of stealing it, having that hairpin on her was much more beneficial for her recovery than obeying to _**Thou shalt not steal**_. 'The countess would have done the same' she comforted her conscience. This little gift made her feel closer to the man whose name was the rhythm of her heart.

"It was merely a demonstration, Marian." Allan explained and gave it back.

On the surface things were calm. Polite words, warm looks, kind gestures. Some of them, unfortunately, had to try a little harder than the others. What really made their lives busy was their complicated relationships, their deepest feelings, their inner thoughts. For some, that was.

Much was Robin's and Marian's guardian angel, making sure that his master and his dear wife were taken care of. It was his wedding gift for them. But he wanted something more tangible and he knew just the thing for them.

"What exactly are you failing to repair?" Allan asked Much, hoping that this tedious work would soon come to an end.

"It's a wooden box that belonged to Robin's mother. Thornton had kept it hidden. He was afraid that some of the new servants, not loyal to Robin, might find it. One day he told me where it was. I got it yesterday. It is valuable to Robin so..." Much's voice broke.

"You were gone the entire day for this? That is why we starved?" Allan wasn't touched by the story.

"You didn't starve. Marian cooked." Much said and threw at him a warning look. The fact that all of them expected from him to be in charge of cooking, was very annoying. Once in a while, they could do just fine on their own.

"Have you tasted her cooking?" Allan remembered Marian's meal and it wasn't appetizing.

"Anyway! Robin will love this. I doubt if he knows it still exists." Much's mind was entirely on the gift.

"What is it for?" Allan took the box in his hands to examine it. It was old and not in good condition, hardly presentable as a gift.

"It is for their wedding souvenirs. Marian's ring, one or two flowers. You know." Much smiled.

"Are you giving them something to remind them of that day? And I thought that me not getting them a present was unkind." he chuckled.

"Not _that_ wedding, you idiot. Their proper wedding. It will happen one day." Much was satisfied with himself for two reasons. He had thought of the perfect gift and he had outsmarted Allan.

"Couldn't you just wait for Will to help you? This thing needs professional treatment. It's too old it it was stored for a long time in a damp place. For all I know we may just make it worse!" Allan had this unique talent to destroy Much's happiness.

John and Tuck were getting close to each other. John preferred his privacy to the constantly loud camp. The whole forest was his hermitage as long as he could keep Allan and Much away. Their arguments were too much for him. Tuck on the other hand, wasn't the kind of man who couldn't deal with a few raised voices but it was John's calm and low-profile personality that allowed him to enjoy both a good company and the quiet he wished.

Kate, apart from the lessons with Marian, was spending most of her free time with Carter. His stories amused her very much. Her favorite entertainment was these tales of another, completely unknown to her, world. His journeys, the places he had been to, the people he had met. In her dreams, she could see herself being part of those adventures. And so, Carter had found the perfect audience. Her big eyes looking at him, the fact that she was asking for more stories was the perfect getaway from his troubles. Talking to Kate made things nicer, like this girl was taking all the sore from his painful life, leaving a good-feeling memory for him to live by. Her blonde hair made him feel like he was talking to a family member.

Guy, after the conversation with Marian, had restored some of the faith he used to have in himself. Faith that he could do better. So, he focused on his son. Seth was a smart boy, eager to learn everything. Never willing to rest. An unstoppable force of nature. He wasn't told the truth yet, but this didn't stop him from loving the man who had cared for him. Guy wasn't sure if it was love this thing that made him jump in his sleep to check on Seth because he thought he had heard a noise. Annie's good heart was in Seth's warm embrace. Guy's tenacious character was in Seth's repeated attempts to do something until it was done well. Guy couldn't but feel proud of his son and ashamed of himself for not being the father his son deserved.

Allan was anywhere doing anything. There wasn't a particular plan in his mind. Whenever Robin needed an extra hand, Allan was the first volunteer. He even helped Much and God knew how tricky it was for Allan to be around Much without a big fight to start. But the most unusual thing he ever did was babysitting Seth.

"And I thought I had seen everything in this world!" Robin laughed when he saw Allan rocking Seth in his arms.

Allan was first to get up in the morning, last to fall on his bed at nightfall. "I mean, to do what on that piece of wood? Sleep? Yeah! That's a good one!" he was talking to himself.

Robin tried to find out what was wrong with him but Allan formed the smile he had invented for these occasions. "Don't you have anything better to do with your time? Poor Marian! Should I give you some ideas?" Allan made silly jokes to keep them distracted from the real problem. He missed his previous life when his problems were more practical and therefore more easy for him to solve. He liked his untroubled self better! Because his untroubled self wasn't a stupid, piteous man.

It was true. Allan'A'Dale missed Will and Djaq because they made that place better. "They can be more discreet! Hah! Where did that come from?" he wondered with his own ability to joke with... He pushed that thought away. "Doesn't help".

He hadn't thought of Will much. He loved the Scarlet boy, no doubt, but Djaq was his closest friend. Djaq never stood against him. She had always a few nice words to tell him. His heart beat faster when he thought of Djaq. His heart did that every time he thought of her. "Damn it" Allan cursed and stopped Seth, for the fifth time, from getting burned by the fire. No, the kid wasn't the distraction he needed. Not enough anymore. "Damn it all".

Robin spent his days being the mind, body and soul of the gang. Helping, guiding, encouraging each one of them individually and all of them as a group. Marian was his loyal assistant, adding reason to his enthusiasm and modesty to his boldness. Much was glad he wouldn't have to do this alone. The fact that Robin was listening to her more than to him didn't bother him anymore. 'She gets the credit, she gets the trouble' he thought and smiled.

Their nights, Robin and Marian, spent them alone. In a camp full of occupants privacy was an issue. This privacy Robin was determined to provide for his bride. And so he did. Away from the camp, he searched and found a small cave. It was big enough for just the two of them and their need to feel normal. They weren't like any other married couple but they would do their best.

"Let us be the newlyweds tonight." he told her and removed his hand from her eyes. Marian took a good look around, holding the torch in front of her.

"We have been married for far too long to be called newlyweds." she corrected him.

"But we never had the chance to be. I want it. I want all the rituals that ordinary married couples have." he said with anticipation in his bright eyes.

"Ordinary married couples don't live in the forest and they certainly don't spend their days robbing unsuspected travelers." she corrected him again and smiled.

"Humor me, just this once!" he begged and her own melted heart allowed the dizzying, warm feeling of his arms around her waist to spread through her body.

"May I carry you in, my Lady?" he asked for her hand.

"I wouldn't have it any other way, my Lord". This wasn't their only night there. It could not be, once they realized what was it that they were missing...

After romantic walks under the moonlight, Robin was taking Marian to that small cave. Sharing dreams for the future, reminiscing the past. The open wound of the long separation was there and they were trying hard to heal it. They used all the 'remedies' at their disposal. The most effective of all, was the one that they needed the privacy most for.

They had been in love and alone in the forest before (her days as a member of his gang) but Robin never dared to cross that line. Physical love. If he knew better, Marian wouldn't blink twice before saying yes to him. Temperance, though, was one of the principles that was taught to them in their childhood and so neither of them made the first move while they were unmarried. But now this was not the case anymore.

Their first time, the day Marian had returned, was beautiful but too emotional. It was their way to verify that their loneliness was over. Robin wanted to make her feel alive and Marian wanted to salve his pain. They both wanted more than that.

The passion of two young people couldn't be tamed. Their connection was immediate. Their movements were synchronized. Sometimes they couldn't wait to get to the cave. He wanted to know every part of her and she was giving him all the answers. Every time his lips were searching for hers, she was ready for a kiss. He wanted to please his wife. And if Marian were to be asked, he did. But, as always, it worked both ways!

Stronger he felt now with her. Safer she was now with him. Happier they were with one another. It was time to enjoy this fragile happiness.

And it was this delicate nature of their happiness, that brought the fear in their hearts. A fear never spoken but constantly present, threatening, consuming.

Robin Hood and the love of his life, the woman behind the mask of yet another 'male' hero, were fighters. But questions were torturing them. Was this the end of their pain? Was there another danger around the corner? Could they fight it? Could they fight everything as they did times and times over or was there something too perilous that could destroy them?

* * *

"It was about time to come. We thought you had left for good!" Robin joked and took Will's axe and bow.

Djaq nudged Will on his side. He caressed her neck and responded. "We were tempted but we didn't come all this way from across the world to miss the end! Where are the rest of them? We have news."

"Not so sure where they are. Too many people and I cannot keep track of everybody." Robin laughed. "So, I am all ears. Tell me your news!" he said with a knowing look at Djaq. She seemed more 'round' than the last time he had seen her.

Djaq lowered her eyes because she didn't want to give away her secret. She knew very well that the leader's investigating eyes wouldn't leave her alone.

"We should wait for the rest of them to come." Will said ready to burst with pride. Robin was convinced. A baby in the gang! 'We should make a crib. Will certainly is thinking about it.' Robin thought.

"Why are you so slow Much? Come on!" Kate cried and soon her blushed face appeared in front of them.

"Well... you... won... that... fair... and... square." Much said, out of breath.

"A race?" Djaq asked and shook her head. It would be a long time before she could be part of anything like that.

Robin waited for a few seconds for a certain third person to arrive as well, but no one came. "Where is Marian?" he asked and stood up.

"She found a black horse, a beautiful female, and she wanted to ride her." Kate informed him. "She will be back soon!"

Robin sighed but not with relief. "All right. We'll meet again later." he said and by the end of his sentence he had already been gone from their eyes and vanished into the endless green.

He searched for her everywhere, but the forest was a huge place. It was like looking for a needle in a haystack. From time to time he stood still to listen carefully. Any sound, as small as it might be, was easily caught by his sensitive hearing. 'I should have told Much not to let her go by herself' he thought. That would rise suspicions and he didn't want anyone to know how insecure he felt with her being alone. Least of all, he wanted Marian to know this. 'On the other hand, look at me now. Running like a crazy man around trees!' he hit with his fist the tree he was now leaning against.

An hour later he decided to go back, confident that she had returned too. "She is there. Definitely." he murmured to himself and put his hand in his pocket. He played, for a couple of minutes, with the little object that was resting in there and thought of the night he had ahead of him. It would be more perfect than the other great nights that he had with her. 'It never occurred to me that life could be so... amusing' he chuckled when he imagined what would Marian say if she could read his mind!

When he entered the camp and all of them were there but Marian was missing, he lost all his good temper. "She hasn't come back yet?" he asked. His eyes were dark blue. The same darkness that used to make Much start praying because something was wrong with his master.

"No" Tuck said and with a slight movement of his head he asked why was that a problem.

Robin ignored him. "Allan..." he searched for the blonde man but he wasn't present either. 'Not time for this Allan!' he cursed in his mind. "Where did you last see her, Much?"

"Out of Knighton. She could be anywhere by now, Robin." Much tried to bring him to reason. Searching for her was pointless. Marian knew the forest as well as any of them. There no way she would be lost.

When Robin and Carter were about to leave and start looking for Marian, she entered the camp. Carter wanted to joke with the whole rescue-mission but Robin stopped him before he could even speak the first word. "Where have you been?" he asked in an unusually bad manner.

"Riding. Didn't Kate and Much tell you?" she replied and turned to Much for a second and met his disheartening look.

"Was that enough?" Robin asked exasperated.

"What is the matter? Why are you being like this?" Marian's voice was equally high.

"You won't leave this place alone. Never again. Never unattended. Do you hear me?" he told her and he meant every word.

"Do you mistake me for Seth? Cause I am not a three year old, Robin." she pursed her lips in anger.

"No! You are simply a woman who cannot stay out of trouble. Every time you are left alone you always do the most stupid thing, as if you do it on purpose, only to find yourself trapped in hazardous situations and then I must come and save you." he yelled and Seth clung to Kate. He had never seen the always smiling and nice man so mad before.

"I want to greet Djaq and Will if I may!" Marian told him and sat next to Djaq.

Both Djaq and Will had a 'cold' smile on their faces. This wasn't the welcome they had imagined. "It's so good that we are finally home. We have..." Will started but was rudely interrupted by Robin.

"Don't ignore me!" he yelled as loudly as before and Kate hissed at him, hugging Seth protectively.

"And what should I do other than ignore this nonsense? But if you insist...! This declaration of my limited freedom is no news. Do you think that I haven't noticed that since day one there is always someone with me? Allan, Kate, Much, John. You are this close from asking from Guy to guard me"

"The wolf guarding the sheep!" Much said but no one laughed. Guy didn't answer. Much might hadn't been very polite but he was absolutely right. Guy took Seth from Kate and got him to sleep.

"Marian I am serious about this" Robin said.

"Are you? Then we must have this talk outside" she stood up and walked to him.

"Why is that?" he crossed his arms on his chest.

"Because Seth will sleep and I have some yelling to do"

"Lead the way" he said and let her walk out of the camp first.

* * *

"Seth can't hear us anymore." Robin said and stopped walking. Ironically enough, they were standing under the tree where he had proposed to her. This was the tree where he had lost her. He saw the stones and sighed.

"That depends on how loud I will be. How much maddening are you planning to be?"

"You're not helping Marian. I can't solve this problem alone." he took a small stick and started breaking it into pieces.

"This is ridiculous, Robin."

"It is what has to be done." was his response but it didn't explain much to her.

"What for?" she demanded.

"Do you have to ask? I need to know that you are safe! I cannot protect you if I don't know where you are and if I am not there, someone else has to be."

"You cannot know every minute of every day, where I am and what I do. It is insane. I am safe. I am fine." she stated soberly.

"Are you fine? Then why didn't you sleep last night?" he held her chin in his hand and forced her to look him in the eye.

"How do you know?" her lower lip was trembling. Her countenance was gone.

"I know because I don't fall asleep unless you do first. I count your breaths. Every night. And I know that yesterday and the day before that and the day before that, you didn't sleep at all. Is this fine to you because it seems very not fine to me" he said and rubbed his eyes with his fingertips. He felt tired and this wasn't how he had planned this night to be.

She didn't answer. What could she say? Her excuses were getting fewer and fewer. There were no more lies to tell. No more reassuring looks were left for her to use.

"During the day we're fine. Everything is normal but when the time to sleep comes, it's just... I see that it scares you and I can't do anything. What is it, love? What worries you so much? I want to help" he looked at her with despair.

"You think you help with your restrictions and your guards?" she found the nerve to speak. This whole over-protectiveness was the last thing she needed but she tried to be patient. It was understandable that it was difficult for him and she wanted to give him time to adjust to the idea of her being safe.

"I am doing my best to protect you. If that is a crime then I plead guilty." he responded unwilling to back down.

"Robin, I was imprisoned for a long time. I do not wish to experience that again. No matter who my jailer is." she said.

Robin's eyes were wide open. The word she had used was outrageous. "You see me as a jailer? All-right, because as long as you are safe I don't care. Go ahead my love, hate me!"

"Robin be rational!" she begged.

"I have never been more rational. Listening to your ideas is what brought us here. If you had stayed with me when we had the chance, none of this would have happened."

Marian wanted to find the golden mean. Robin wanted to do this his way. "Marian I am doing this because I love you."

"I love you too. That is why I am not going to make you suffer anymore." she said and felt her heart heavy in her chest as if it didn't fit in there. As if it didn't belong there.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Robin asked because, despite her actual words, he could clearly see that whatever was coming next would be extremely hurtful.

Stronger he was but not strong enough. Safer she felt but not completely well. Happier they were but far from happy...


	10. Hope to Live, With or Without You

Chapter 10: Hope to Live, With or Without You

Isabella had a plate full of delicious food in front of her, but no desire to taste it. The Sheriff was watching herself on the silver cover of the tray and she didn't like what she had found there, beside her own reflection; her brother's grinning face. He was standing behind her.

"You can leave now," she told the maid who was standing next to her. The girl tried to get the tray but she stopped her. "Come later for this." When the servant was out, she motioned for him to take a seat at the table.

"Hello Isabella! You missed me?" Archer replied and tasted the meat.

"Would you like some wine with that?" she asked him in irony. His easygoing behavior, as if he had nothing to do, annoyed her.

"If you care to give me some!" he replied mischievously. He took another bite and moaned with pleasure. The previous days had too much running. Those were the first moments of rest he had.

"What are you doing here? She could have seen you. Haven't we discussed this?" Isabella answered more irritated than before.

"Don't worry! No one saw me coming here. I know what my best interest is. Secrecy is my middle name," he reassured her and made himself comfortable on the chair.

"To our business now! Where do we stand? You'd better have something to report," she demanded stiffly.

"Be patient. What you have asked me to do isn't the easiest thing. All in good time!"

"You volunteered for the job, but obviously you're not half the capable man you present yourself to be," she sounded angry.

A knock on the door made her jump from her seat. Archer was company that she shouldn't be seen with.

"Go stand behind the curtains and stay still!" she ordered him and with two movements she fixed her hair. A Lady of her standing should always look flawless, even if that was her last concern.

"Good old days," Archer murmured as he walked to his hiding place. Back in York, the curtains of the Sheriff's wife's chamber was the most he saw, more than he had seen the walls of the cell he was kept in.

"Enter," she called in her natural coldness. Any kind of business that she was needed to deal with, wouldn't make her bad day.

A guard came in. "My Lady, this is a note from a man and his sister. They are waiting outside to be announced," he said and bowed deeply as he let the note on the table, by the plate.

"Those people, they have names I assume," she told him without taking the note in her hands.

"Lord Ryan and his younger sister Lady Roxanne, my Lady. Their estate is located somewhere near London. I could…"

"All-right, bring them in," she told him and looked at Archer's direction to make sure that he was well hidden and no one would ever knew he had been there.

A woman came in, followed by a man. The woman was very beautiful and with intense look. Her light green, V-neck dress had golden patterns on the bodice. It flattered her feminine curves. She wore her hair down, on her bare shoulders.

The man was tall and well-build. A handsome man with masculine face features. His dark clothes making his fair complexion even more pale. An interesting contrast, Isabella thought.

Their clothes were evidence of their noble descent but what was important, was the way they behaved. Both of them, were charming and attractive.

"My Lady." The man bowed respectfully and kissed her ring.

"Lord Ryan, I believe is the name," the Sheriff said. Her eyes fell on the woman, who now was standing by his side. "And your sister, Lady Roxanne. I must confess that should I not be informed of your close relation, I would never guess that you are brother and sister."

"We hear that quite often, my Lady. Against the obvious, I have the luck to have Ryan to be my brother!" Roxanne smiled.

Isabella took the woman's hand and guided her to the table. "Should I offer something to you? It must had been a long journey. You seem tired."

"We are indeed," Roxanne replied and filled a cup with wine. The maid who had entered as well, stepped forward to serve the guests but Roxanne stopped her. Isabella nodded and the girl left the room confused. Who was that woman that didn't want everything given to her hands, she wondered.

"Wine, Ryan? To remember the good days in France?" she said and he accepted the offer with a smile. "My brother always enjoys a cup of wine with his supper. It is not time for supper yet, but I think we should allow him to indulge in this 'guilty pleasure', should we not my Lady?" she asked with a look towards Isabella and gave the cup to her brother.

"I see no reason not to," Isabella answered and gave Roxanne two more cups to fill. Her own cup and one for her guest. Isabella wasn't very fond of drinking because it clouded her judgment and she wanted to have a clear mind, but once in a blue moon, she drank. This was one occasion in which Isabella thought that wine was a fine idea. "So, what brings you to Nottingham?"

"We have been traveling through England for family matters. A mistake, while we were reading the map, brought as to the shire. We have never been here before," Ryan responded.

"And France?" Isabella asked intrigued.

"Roxanne and I, used to spend summers in a mansion in North France. There, as you may know, they have the best wine and we had our best times ever!" he winked at his sister.

"Memories that we'd better keep from our father," Roxanne replied.

"My mother was French. I do know the beauties of that country." Isabella felt nostalgic, remembering her mother.

Roxanne neared her an put one hand on Isabella's, the other on her back and hugged her friendly. The second smiled and nodded.

An agreeable woman, Isabella thought. Much like her brother. Then she remembered Archer and realized that they couldn't remain in that room any longer. He had to be gone eventually. "My friends, you must allow me to be the host you deserve," she told them and then called the guard. "Tell Sarah to bring wine and food to the great Hall. Quickly." Her will couldn't be ignored.

"You shouldn't trouble yourself my Lady. We shall not stay long. We are seeking information to get on the road to London. My presence there is needed for I have business to attend to. It is early in the day and we can go on with our journey," Ryan told her and then turned to his sister. "And of course my little sister is impatient to get back home, although impatient cannot describe her enough."

"Is that so?" Isabella was genuinely interested in the two newcomers. Those two people were the first nobles she had met and liked, in a long time. Something about them made her feel nice. Familiar. Was it their reference to France, her mother's country? Was it the fact that they had nothing to do with the life she lived in Nottingham? She couldn't tell. "I am afraid that I must be unpleasant because I will ask you to extend your stay here for a little longer. I haven't been in France in years and you can give me the sense of home that I miss so much. Surely, you won't deny."

"What do you think sister? Can we deny?" Ryan asked and offered his left arm to Isabella and his right to Roxanne and the three of them walked down the corridor.

"I am sure that the business you refer to isn't so urgent. We aren't expected home until the next month, if so. As for my impatience to get back, it was due to lack of other plans, but now... You know how much I love to explore new places." She squeezed gently his hand and then added. "It would be our pleasure to stay here for some days. Weeks, if you have us. The shire is, like Ryan pointed out, just beautiful! I would like to see more of it, my Lady. Especially the forest," she addressed Isabella with a smile so warm that it was impossible for her not to smile back.

"It is a deal then. I will accommodate you and you will tell me everything about France!" Isabella laughed and the party took the tour around the castle's main corridors. Soon they walked in the great Hall.

"A deal you said. A deal must be sealed, my Lady." Ryan kissed Isabella's hand courteously. Isabella found herself flattered by his gesture. "What shall we seal it with?"

"More wine?" Isabella suggested and approached the big table. There were trays with meat, fruits, bread and cake. The best wine in the shire was already poured in the cups.

"The goods on this table could feed a whole village. And here we are, only three people to enjoy it," Roxanne said and took an apple.

"True, sister," Ryan told her. "The recent months Roxanne has developed a sensitivity for the misfortunes of the populace. But we shouldn't addle our minds with such matters," he said to Isabella.

Isabella hadn't thought ill of Roxanne for her comment. "She is quite right, my Lord. You should wish for her to preserve this sensitivity. This is the essence of nobility, at least to me. Interest for the less fortunate."

"My brother is very modest to admit that he feels the same way." Roxanne went by Ryan's side and rested her head on his shoulder and he put his arm around her.

"My first priority is my people. It is my only care, I assure you." Isabella said and wondered what a man she knew would say, should he had heard her statement. He wouldn't believe her, as he never did.

Ryan and Roxanne shared a look and then smiled.

"To the beginning of our friendship," Isabella toasted and the two siblings raised their cups.

* * *

"This way, my Lady. This is your room." Sarah opened the door. "And this one is yours, my Lord." She showed the second door, opposite to the first one. "Your belongings will be shortly delivered to your rooms."

"Thank you," he said politely and walked through the open door. "Now what? Do you need rest or should we be on our way to...?" he asked her once the they were alone.

"Not now, I am tired. It really feels like I had been traveling for a long time to get here." She smiled faintly as she placed her gloves on the bed.

"You did actually. It just took you one month to cross the forest!" He chuckled and wandered in the room.

"You never miss your joyful mood, do you?" She walked to the window.

"You would know, _**sister**_." He followed her. "You have a nice view form here." The town of Nottingham was there, displayed in all its vivid colors. And back in the horizon, there was the green forest with all its secrets.

"It cannot be compared with the one that I had until recently," she answered gloomily and he forced her to look at him.

"One word and we are gone. Say it and I will get you back to your unparalleled view and I will leave you there to stare at it forever. Do you want me to?" he asked her, ready to keep his word.

She didn't reply, only let a deep sigh and turned to the window again. "I used to stand like this, by the window, for hours waiting for him to come. He never did when I expected him, you know. Always unexpected, he came. And he left even more unexpectedly. Each time, his leave was a taste of death for me."

He knew he was supposed to give one of those ridiculous speeches about how "_things are going to be fine"_ but it sounded stupid in his mind. From experience he knew that once spoken out loud, it would sound even more stupid. The only thing left for him to do, was to be a shoulder for her to cry on. The rest, she had to get over alone. Like any other living soul in this world, her problems were her own.

"I am not as strong as I let others to believe, Carter, so don't ever tell me that again. Don't tempt me with what I cannot have, please." Marian told him, her eyes never leaving the narrow alley, below her window.

"You mean that the headstrong, persistent woman that I knew to this day, was an illusion?" he hugged her brotherly. "I don't believe I was _**that**_ wrong when I formed an opinion about you. You will have your happy ending, Marian." He didn't manage to avoid the 'comforting nonsense' after all.

"If you don't mind, I would like to cry now and I would rather do it without an audience. The fact that you heard me saying these things, is embarrassing enough," she told him with a look that was meant to say 'I am fine', but cried out all of her sufferance, instead.

"Then I should leave you to your recollections." He kissed her forehead and turned to leave. "You know where to find me, _**Roxanne**_," he reminded her.

"Of course, _**Ryan,**_" she said.

Their plan was simple and in fact, a repetition of what Marian and Carter did on their way back. Ryan and Roxanne were created as a mask for the them, to hide their true identities. Marian knew the tricks and the rules of such 'sports' very well. This was a convenient way to travel through Europe because families and their servants, Djaq and Will in this case, draw little attention.

The expensive outfits were an unwilling donation of a noble man and his wife, when Allan and Marian found them wandering completely lost in the forest. They had a lot of baggage with them. The outlaws took it all, and left the couple with the clothes they had on.

The detail about France would be one of their many baits. Their goal would be to gain Isabella's trust and to be the first to know of her plans.

"_We always need a spy in there," Marian explained to the disagreeing faces of her friends. No one of them understood what had happened and the only thing Marian said was "This is what has to be done." Her only allies were Guy and Djaq. She was always on Marian's side. Even Carter, who was the one to help her, was opposed to the plan in the beginning. _

"_There are no servants in the castle from your time there. And the guards are, as you know, constantly changing. Keep a low profile and don't wander in the city without a serious reason," Guy said but Will interrupted him._

"_Are you insane? We should unnerve her not consult her!" he yelled._

"_She won't change her mind. The best thing to do is to minimize the problems." Djaq said soberly._

_Kate was standing silent. John was frowning. That plan, he didn't like. Much and Allan were absent. Marian wanted to see them before her departure, but she was grateful that she wouldn't have to deal with them too. If they were there, things would be a lot harder. Especially with Much._

"_That is very brave of you, Marian. And you Carter. It can be very useful to our cause." Tuck smiled kindly._

"_Brave and useful? Try stupid and dangerous. Dangerously stupid, that's what it is!" Will cried in despair._

"_Will, that would be enough!" Djaq told him and turned to Marian. "Be careful in there. And don't make the same mistakes you had done before." She hugged her and walked out. Letting her go after everything they had shared, was difficult for Djaq. She needed Marian now, with the baby coming, but she hoped that this nightmare would be over until she would give birth to her child._

"_We'd better get started." Carter said and walked to Marian. "Tomorrow morning we must leave Sherwood forest and become the nobles whereat Sheriff Isabella will find her new friends."_

"_You don't have to do this," she told him. Getting him in trouble wasn't part of her initial plan._

"_And what? Miss the chance to sleep on a proper bed with fire to keep me warm?" he chuckled._

When the door closed and kept the world out of her chamber, Marian cried. For everything that she had ever cried and for everything that she hadn't. when she had no more tears to shed, she closed her eyes and tried to sleep, but the fear came to end the few priceless moments of tranquility she would have. She searched for the arms that used to fold her during the last month but found none.

Telling lies. To hide the painful truth, she lied. To protect him from further pain, she had to break his heart.

"How could I tell him that I cannot sleep because every time I close my eyes, I fear that I might be buried alive again? How can I hurt him this way, since he was the one who put me under the sand? His own hands placed me in my grave…" she whispered and wet her pillow with her tears. "It wasn't his fault but he will see it as such. He will blame himself and I must spare him the pain…" If he knew what was terrorizing her, he wouldn't bear it.

And there were the nightmares too... Reliving that day again and again. Always with the same feeling. Horror…

_Lying on the sand, unable to speak or open her eyes. Powerless. Hearing them crying and mourning for her death. She couldn't tell them that she was alive. She couldn't make them see that she was still there. The sand was falling on her, hiding the light of the sun. Not enough air anymore. Her mind was screaming "Stop. Please, stop." Her body was aching in agony. The last breath lasted more than the usual. She died and then, she was gone. Lost in blackness…_

"_HELP!" Marian screamed and Carter was there to hold her. "It was just a bad dream, Marian. A bad dream," he told her. Djaq and Will were already in the room. "It's the third time this week and we still don't know what this dream is about," Djaq whispered in tears and Will hugged her tightly. "The memory is too fresh. It's been only one month since the… that day. In time, she will get better." His voice was low and confident. His mind wasn't so sure. He could remember Robin's restless sleep, years after his days in the battlefield. "She will get better," he repeated._

The decision she had made was a difficult one. If that would work, she didn't know. It was a mystery to be solved.

"If I had stayed you would never stop asking, my love, and for how long could I keep the truth from you? I must get better before I return to you. Please wait for me…" she spoke as if Robin was there to listen.

The normal thing was to feel guilty for doing this to him, but now she felt worn out and only hoped that she could find some strength left in her to fight again.

She walked to the window again. "Just you and me then," she said to the sad woman who was looking back to her through the glass with frightened eyes.

* * *

"Robin, you've been working since dawn and it is midday. Shouldn't you have some rest?" A woman named Amber told him and she held her eight year old daughter's hand.

Robin stopped nailing the wooden board on the roof. He raised his head to the sky and saw the sun at its highest peak. "I hadn't realized I had been working for so long."

"At this rate, you will have finished by sundown." She gave him some water once he stepped on the ground.

"Robin! Robin, look what I got!" Erica called fascinated with her new wooden doll and held it out for him to touch it. "Will made it for me."

"Don't bother him Erica. He is tired," her mother chided her.

"That's all right Amber. Erica and I, are friends and friends never bother each other. Right sweet heart?" he smiled and took her in his arms.

"Yes, Robin Hood is my best friend!" the girl yelled and Robin shushed her.

Her big, black eyes were locked in his. "Why?" she asked and pursed her lips. It was dangerous to be friends with him but she didn't care and she chose to ignore this little detail. Spending time with Robin was something that made her feel nice, for the first time in her life, and she wouldn't let anyone take that from her!

"Because Robin risks a lot by being here, helping us. There are people who don't like him. If they knew that he spends time here, they would come and hurt him. Do you want your friend to get hurt?" Amber asked her daughter.

Erica's lips formed an O of fear and she put her arms around Robin's neck and hugged him tightly. "I will never let anyone hurt you. Never!" she whispered and tears ran down her face. Her father had died and she was witness to his death. She had been sent to live away from her mother for five years. This was the life she had. The experience of being taken away or losing her beloved ones was bitter and she hated it. She loved Robin and she didn't want to see him getting hurt. So, she made this promise both to him and to herself, that she would never do anything to risk his life.

"Well now I am scared of no one, since I have this brave protector." He laughed and responded to her tight embrace. Ever since he had met her, nine months ago, Erica had found her special place in his heart. His grief over a life without a family of his own, was appeased only by her sweet smile. Erica was the closest thing to a daughter that he could have and he loved her very much.

When Marian returned, the dream was revived. He hoped that they would finally be able to enjoy the life he had planned for them. What should he do now? Abandon the dream, but this time for good? Or keep fighting for it?

"Erica, come," a few kids called.

"Go play," Robin told her and kissed her little hands. Worrying about adult problems wasn't for kids.

"Will you be here when I come back?" she asked, pretending to be calmer than before. Her black eyes were glowing.

Robin smiled. She was very good at keeping her feelings hidden, locked in a 'littlebox' in her mind, he thought. She reminded him of another girl who had the same habit. A girl who had the same habit even as an adult.

"Do you want me to?" he asked and she nodded. "Then, I will be." He pinched her cheek and she wrinkled her nose.

"Are you sure? There are patrols all the time, nowadays. You have friends everywhere but enemies tend to be around too." Amber sat next to him, watching Erica running away with the other children.

"It is me who is putting you in trouble. Consorting with outlaws is a crime punished by death, Amber," he told her. "I can run away but you can't."

"You can run, you can hide but you can't escape Robin. This isn't a game. You live your life in a way that makes people think that you will always be there when they need you. You can't go on like this."

"They need me Amber. What can I do?"

"You should let a few people down, me included, to remind us that you are only human. You cannot be everywhere. You will break down, eventually," she advised him.

"I have let them down before. It didn't work." He joked but his face showed no smile.

"I have never thought very high of men, but I used to believe that you were above the average," she said and looked away.

Robin looked at her, perplexed.

"We both know when this 'before' was. You had to leave and save the King and..." she stopped before saying the name. "Everyone who knew the two of you, knew that she never stopped loving you." She eyed him and he smiled.

"You knew it before she let me know it!" Robin knew that Amber was a good friend of Marian. Back in their youth, Amber was the one who delivered the love notes from Robin to Marian, and vice versa, when the two of them couldn't meet. Older than the couple and already married, Amber knew firsthand how important those notes were!

"You didn't disappoint anyone when you left to save her. Until you came, she was the only one who cared for us in the dark days we live. We need more people like you and her. Now we have only you. That is why you must be careful…" Amber couldn't help the tears.

She remembered the night when she accidentally discovered the Nightwatchman's mask in Marian's chamber, while she was working there, replacing another maid. That night, she realized that Marian was more than met the eye. There was never a doubt about that, but now there was proof!

Marian wasn't just a noble woman with a kind heart. She was a good friend and a brave hero. An identity forbidden to Marian, because her life as a Lady didn't include the sport of defying the authorities. How much Amber had cried with the news of Marian's death. It pained her like the losses of her beloved ones.

Amber remembered her husband, her sister and her parents. All of them dead because of the same cruel policy. Her child was the only family she was left with and Erica had survived because she wasn't in Nottingham. Now that she had returned, she was again in danger like the rest of them.

"I know she was a dear friend to you, Amber." Robin told her and wiped her tears. Nobody except for the gang, knew that Marian was alive. Of all people, this woman deserved to know the truth. Marian wanted to see her but knew that it was unsafe to get in contact with her. Telling Amber the truth, crossed his mind but for the rest of the story, as to what was Marian doing now, he had no convincing answers. In what words could he explain things, while he had a vague impression of the situation himself?

"I should finish the roof. Maybe I won't be able to come tomorrow," he said.

"You don't come as often as you used to." Amber realized that the last month, his visits were rarer than before. Only lately with the accident at the mill, the gang reappeared with such frequency. "Not that I complain. You know what I think..." Amber said and went inside to prepare the meal.

Robin fixed the roof and stayed up there to watch the view. His eyes wandered from the low houses to the high-ceiling barns. From the fences to the trees growing in the small yards. Finally, his eyes fell on the spot where the Knighton Hall used to be. It wasn't rebuilt and the people left the place unattended, to remind them of what had happened.

He thought of the day that the Hall was burned to the ground and the next day. Every significant event of their life came, in time order, in his mind. Every single one, until the last. The very last. Three days ago...

"_What is that supposed to mean?" he asked. He put his hand in his pocket and touched the little object that he had acquired earlier that day. It cut him like a blade. He took his hand out and looked for the cut on his palm but there was nothing. He shook his head. Marian's voice made him turn to her._

"_I need moral support, not babysitting. I am your wife but I can't live under your constant care." There was no easy way to speak..._

"_How can I be supportive if you don't tell me what is troubling you? Is this married life to you? Keeping secrets to yourself?" he cried. "I have lost you two times but who's counting, right? Marian, every time you are not here, I think that something bad will happen to you. Losing you again... I won't survive it."_

"_Why not? You did before. You lived. You moved on." It didn't come out as she had planned. It was meant as understanding but sounded like disapproval. On the other hand, this could be her only solution. Too hard, but less cruel than the truth. She had to try…_

"_What? I moved on? The wreck you found, looked like a man who had moved on?" His hands were shaking._

"_You have found love again. You had a life to lead and I was nowhere around to be with you." Yes, she had found the way to do the undoable. She wanted, though, to make the hell that she had prepared for him, to burn less. Could she?_

"_What I have __**tried**__ to find was a shadow of you. I have been looking for you everywhere. In every woman. I was__ trying to find you. With Kate, with Isabella. You, you, you. Always you." He whispered and kissed her._

_There was no point in resisting. She had never been able to resist him. The last movement she managed, before her hands were paralyzed, was to push him away. Her lips had to be free to say the rest of her story. "I know."_

"_I sense a 'but' is coming. Don't say it, please…" Regardless of her wish to break free from his arms, he held her tightly._

"_We weren't ready for this; being together. We rushed into a common life but we need to be apart. To find a way to…" She paused, took a deep breath and spoke again, "You must realize that I am alive and I need to get used to the idea that you had a life without me. We tried to pretend that the last year never happened but how wrong we were!" A stabbing pain in her heart stopped her breath and she hoped he hadn't noticed her agonized look. Could he notice anything after what she had just said?_

"_Are you suggesting a separation? Why? Because the years we spent apart weren't enough?"_

"_I know it doesn't sound right but believe me. It will be easier this way…" she said and hoped that he would let her go. Suddenly, it felt like she was always asking him to let her go. When would this stop? she wondered._

"_Where are you planning to go?" The words barely escaped his lips._

"_To the Nottingham castle. I will be giving you the information we need to defeat them," she said but she was sure that he missed the second phrase._

"_So, this is about Isabella." The realization hit him like a lightning. He let her free._

_She saw the success of her plan and she wanted to scream 'No'. "She is part of the reason…" she whispered and stared at the ground._

"_It's just the two of us. You can be honest." He challenged her. He was frustrated, heart-broken. "You need to know the woman that you think I fell in love with. You met Kate and now it is time to meet Isabella, right? I can't believe that you are holding this against me." He spoke before she could reply to what he had said. "You are free to go, my love."_

"_Robin please!" she cried._

"_I am the one to beg, Marian. Here, see. This is your ring. I dig it up today. I was planning to give it to you tonight and I hoped that we could renew our vows. I love you Marian but if that cannot keep you here, then I rest my case."_

"_Give me the ring." This was the only thing she could and wanted to say. For a moment she regret her plan but only for a moment. Making him believe that horrible lie, was better than the truth. Anything but the truth…_

"_No. This ring is for my wife and you don't feel that way. The day that you are sure of both of my feelings and yours, come and ask for the ring. I will know. Just ask for the ring. But please don't be late. I love you and I miss you terribly even as we speak." He said and left her alone. He wouldn't go back to the camp to watch her leaving._

_He was out of their small cave. All night, he had hoped that she would come and find him. Now he was sitting on a rock, watching the sun traveling across the sky. With every minute passed, he knew she wouldn't come. "Stupid, stubborn woman!" He left, determined not to set foot in that part of the forest ever again._

_As he was walking, a familiar voice made him get aware of his surroundings. He was near Locksley, on the hill. Every time he wanted to think or to be alone, he used to sit under that tree on the hill._

"_Hey! You won't believe the night I had! I was trying all day to get closer to the mercenaries. You know, get them to talk. Find out why they are here. Well, I got them drunk but I had to drink a lot myself! Before I passed out, I picked up a few things." Allan said. Robin was gazing at the sky but he seemed to see nothing. That puzzled Allan. He blamed the previous night's drinking for not understanding._

_Robin turned to look at him. "Sit down," he told him._

_Allan sat and waited for a couple of minutes. "So what's new?" he finally asked._

"_Djaq and Will are back. They are going to have a child."_

_Allan swallowed with difficulty. That was good news, he thought. He should be happy, he was sure of that. As a good friend, he had to be happy for his friends' happiness. However, he decided to not be happy right away. He decided to sink in his misery for some time._

_Robin didn't know that while he tried to avoid the subject that made his heart bleeding, he hurt Allan. Even if he knew, though, he would have done the same. The pain was too excruciating for him to care about anything else. The cut of the ring, was in his heart…_


End file.
